The funny thing is, I wasn't really trying to communicate what I apparently did with that message yesterday. I was just trying to reassure you of my love for you and help you understand that you were misreading my feelings at that point on Tuesday night. But now that I have, it is really important to me that it not become what it looked like you were interpreting it to be last night: an effort to control the decisions you make. We both need to be able to share our feelings, so that when either of us is doing something that is hurting the other we can feel free to talk about it so that we can each make informed decisions, yet without any attempt at all to control each other. We have to be able to discuss our feelings and our needs, and for the longest time I've felt that I should just deal with things myself. Partly that has been out of a fear of ever exerting inappropriate control over you.
I don't ever want you to feel as if you can't do things because of the effect it might have on me. At the same time, I think we both need to be free to discuss what effects the other's decisions are having on us before those effects build into a crescendo of frustration.
I hope that in all of this the primary message you hear is how very much I love you. I'm worried that you will think I'm being critical of you, when all I really want is for us to continue to grow together, to know and love each other more deeply. I don't think you'd rather not know how I felt, as I certainly don't want to be in the dark about your feelings, either.
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