Sleep interruptions

I always hate waking up in the middle of the night alone. But I especially hate it when things are crazy busy at work. I get up to wake mrs. tg from in front of the television, use the bathroom while I'm up, and when I get back into bed the gears are cranking too much to let me sleep.

Bourbon, do your stuff.

Latest proposal should go out tomorrow, and my 70+ page process should go into review tomorrow, too, right on schedule and on budget.

I think I'm going to take on some freelance technical writing/editing work, for extra income. Or start looking for another job in a few months, with a salary increase instead of a parallel move.

Busy busy busy

I have been gearing up the job transition activities, which hasn't left me nearly enough time for blogging, but that's just a sign that I have my priorities in order. We'll see where all of that leads.

Meanwhile, I have come to realize a couple things:

• The last person in the world to whom I should complain about reminders of my sister is the person for whom that would be a reminder of her two sisters. She deserves better than my intrusion on her busy life with that emotional wrecking ball.
• Our marriage encounter circle is a real gift to us. We may not have met for months, but it was very nice getting together on Saturday. I'm glad we were able to make that happen.
• I am blessed with wonderful friends who will do anything they can to help me. 
• My wife is a gift beyond telling. (Even if she's also a frustration sometimes. After all: who isn't?)

The hope of glory

So on Tuesday, I went to the office early, about an hour earlier than I had been arriving of late. I've pretty much always worked later hours, and usually longer ones, than many of my coworkers. But on this day I figured that, if I was being let go, it would be best for everyone involved to get it out of the way early in the day.

When I arrived, neither of the guys in the nearest cube had yet been summoned to learn of their fate. Soon thereafter one of the guys was called to the conference room, and returned a couple minutes later with a piece of paper in his hand and let us know he'd been cut. I couldn't have been more surprised; this was one of the guys who had been traveling the world installing and troubleshooting the system that was supposed to be lifting the company out of its financial straits. If he was gone, there was no longer any question that I would be, too.

The severance package might not be quite as good as it was several years ago, but it is still very solid, so I was not excessively anxious about our financial position if my analysis was correct. Within a minute or so, my own phone rang, and at that point I knew I was cut. They have always notified the people who are let go first, followed by the other team members. Sure enough, when I entered the conference room my boss told me that I had been "impacted." What a sanitary word they've chosen; I've always hated it, because even when it was my coworkers who were leaving it was obvious that we were all "impacted," even as much as I hate that use of the word. I told him that I had figured as much, and after he let me know the key dates and where and when I'd be getting more information, he asked if I had any questions.

I'd actually developed the habit over the years of praying for my boss - whomever it might be - when there was a layoff, not so much that they might have the good sense to keep me but sincerely for their own peace of mind. I imagine that this must be one of the most difficult aspects of supervision, and I've always recognized the stressful nature of being in that sort of position. Perhaps this was what helped me ask the two questions that were on my mind. First I wanted to know if there was anything in my job performance that I should have done differently, and was relieved when he told me there wasn't.

Then I was able to ask how he was doing. He seemed a little relieved to have the opportunity to share how much he had been struggling over this. Even after several rounds of layoffs over the past several years, I'm glad that he hasn't become jaded over the process. I think he also recognizes that the only way his team isn't going to have more work than people to do it is if this product fails to take off, and that would not bode well for the company.

At any rate, I feel as if my genuine concern for him was the one thing I was able to do to really witness the presence of Christ in my life. I don't know if it had that effect, but I am hopeful that it did, and that I might get a chance to give him the credit more explicitly before I am completely out the door.

Monday's meeting

When I arrived at Monday afternoon's meeting, I couldn't help but notice the new young woman there, and I'd pretty much figured out who she was before my boss introduced her, along with the other HR representative who had called in from Rochester.

Taking inventory of who was in the room and on the call, of who my remaining coworkers are, I concluded that there was a pretty good chance that I was on the chopping block this time. I told my wife as much when I went home. My boss just couldn't afford to lose too many people who were traveling the world to install equipment.

But the weekend was nothing . . .

It has been too hectic to blog about.

It's weird being on the job market again, being told I'm less necessary than my coworkers, not knowing how God is going to provide for the future.

While I have a strong mental confidence in God's providence, that assurance doesn't seem to reach my gut.  Also, I had an interesting reminder yesterday not to misinterpret God's promises according to how I might desperately desire for them to apply to my own circumstances.

But it's still true that I am at least as excited as I am anxious. It's not quite as intense as stepping out of the airplane in midair, but it's the same sort of feeling.