Witness

An apostle is ever so much more trustworthy than a religious genius. A genius may have flashes of insight and come up with a brilliant spiritual scheme, but what he has to say is finally and uniquely his. I cannot enter into it or trust it completely. An apostle's role is much more modest and, therefore, more credible: "I have been told something that I must tell you. Make of it what you will." - Fr. Richard John Neuhaus, Death on a Friday Afternoon

I think the desire to come up with our own insight and brilliance is a sin of pride. What more could I aspire to than to witness to the love of Christ Jesus? Yet many of us want to find some new way of putting out the message, some new angle that helps people accept what they have rejected or what they struggle with. I think this is a matter of getting our role wrong, of wanting to be responsible for the saving of souls, when that is not our job. 

Our job is to witness. Jesus has done an amazing thing in my life, and I want to share how He has loved me so that some who hear me understand how very much He loves them, too. The point of my discipleship is to become more like Christ so my life bears the same testimony as my words.

True self vs. false self

Even after sharing on this, just this morning, with a friend, I still manage find myself getting caught up in thoughts and wishes that lead me away from my true identity and my place in God.

Today's word

tristful /TRIST-ful/ - sad, melancholy

This quotation cited in the article has felt true for me, at least at times, in my life: "I've been dreading the moment I wake. Waking is a tristful business for the man who reflects." — Howard Jacobson, The Independent (London), 27 Nov. 2010

But this underscores something that Neal Lozano talks about in his Unbound videos: even though our society places a high value on introspection, it is actually a negative thing. It transfers our attention from God's abundant love for us onto ourselves. That isn't to say we shouldn't be self-aware, but being introspective puts too much emphasis on ourselves, and the quote above illustrates exactly what's wrong with that.

It's a fine distinction, but an important one. 

An inspired moment

We've had a couple newer members of our prayer group who have been seeking prayer after the meeting fairly consistently. In both cases, they have been dealing with a struggle that it would be inappropriate for me to divulge, in the unlikely case that someone from the group should ever read these pages. But I think it's okay for me to share here something of what I felt led to share with them after praying last night, as it relates more broadly.

We often lament the lack of piety that we seem to observe in others who approach the Eucharistic table distractedly. I notice the same thing in myself as I cast a judgment at someone I know well who reads the bulletin during the homily: we are quick to assume an attitude of superiority over others, and it is good for us to be reminded that we have earned neither our place at the table nor the gifts that make us the unique person God has created us to be. We do ourselves a disservice when we disdain others, when we fail to recognize and treasure God's spark within them. But that isn't the point of this observation.

Rather: God's grace is at work through the Sacraments even when we who participate in them are not fully aware and appropriately appreciative - as if we could really be either of these things, since we will not know the full import of the gifts we are given until we have passed through the veil. This is true of every Sacrament, beginning with the baptism of an unaware infant. The grace poured out always transcends the awareness of the participant.

This is true of our marriages, as well, whether they are mostly solid or feel as if they are on shaky ground. As we continue to participate in the Sacrament in which God has called us to our primary vocation, His grace continues to be at work, including when we struggle to perceive it - or even to believe in it without perceiving. As with every other Sacrament in which we partake, our increased awareness of this truth increases its efficacy in our lives. It strengthens us and helps us grow more as we more fully give ourselves to Christ within it.

Not pushing the envelope (edited)

One of the ways that an abuser or other addict perpetuates their cycle is the fool's quest for the point of no return. (Sing it, Steve Walsh, though Kansas used a play on words.) "Where was it that I went wrong?" we ask, never learning (because, unlike WOPR, we can't set the number of players to 0) that the only winning move is to not play.

So the (substance- or behaviorally) addicted person convinces himself that the first step is harmless. We deprive ourselves of the gift of getting beyond the whole environment/dynamic because of the harmless part of it we don't want to give up. Or we don't recognize the earliest indicators, the first red flags (the tension at the base of my skull, the emotional triggers, the key aspects of our personality, the (even unavoidable) environmental factors) that form a key part of the cycle. And we keep playing the game and losing, over and over. Learning and breaking this pattern is what lets me put the word "recovered" in front of abuser, but the motivation for that was so strong: I never wanted to hurt anyone else like that ever again. I didn't hate my own remaining impurity, though, enough to address it with the same intensity, or maybe clarity.

Maybe I'm getting free from all of that now, but it's too early to be certain. In fact, it could well be that certainty is the enemy of freedom. If a benevolent king has brought me victory from my oppressor, I probably shouldn't be seeking to be out from under his influence! I've long been cognizant of a too-common approach to Christianity. It's objective is not to improve us to some point at which we no longer need a Savior because we have "arrived" at a sufficient level of wholeness. Rather, we need to recognize that we are only whole in relationship with Him, and our weakness then becomes a reminder to always stay close to Him.

Being honest with God

Dear Lord, my heavenly Papa, I'm weak and afraid. Even though I've renounced it as a lie before, I have a hard time fully believing that he wasn't right. Sometimes I'm more afraid of missing out on incredible pleasure than I am of not living according to Your plan for me. I know that's a lack in my faith, and I repent of it, and renounce doubt. But I'm not leaning on my faith, nor cowering in my weakness. I'm leaning on You, the only Daddy who has never let me down.

A physical/emotional response

I just noticed a strange and revelatory response I had (have, I'm pretty sure; it felt familiar) to a frequent thought. I was setting aside a temptation to engage in an impure thought process that leads me to sin, partly because I just received prayer for this area last night in preparation for this weekend's Unbound seminar. It was the most subtly sublime moment of grace-filled, Spirit-driven self revelation, concerning a physio-emotional response that I have to temptation. As I decided to not engage in this thought process, I felt the muscles at the base of my skull contract, and I noticed that I thought of why I don't want to engage in that thought process right now, as if I was reserving it to return to at a later time.

As I say, this felt familiar, and I considered other recent times that I have felt this physical sensation. It turns out that it has never been so much a rejection as a postponement of my tempting thoughts, and it is a reason I have not been able to persevere in purity in this area. I then considered when else I have felt like this: it also turns out that this response was seared into me when I was being sexually abused. It is directly related to my resignation to my physical inability to ever force my way past my stepfather to escape from the room when I was a teenager. It became part of the inevitability of my submission to him sexually, and subsequently of my submission to sexual impurity in general.

Wow. This is exactly the sort of red flag I should have learned about in one of my rounds of therapy. It's a question I would now ask of anyone who shared that they struggle in a given area: go back to the beginning of the latest incident, and let's go through how your body physically responded before you realized you were responding. Then: when is the earliest time you remember feeling that way?

I'm not going to assume that the battle is over now. But I understand something about it that I never did before, a physical and emotional and thought process that ties in with the spiritual aspect that I've tried to invoke previously. Perhaps, now that I have all four pieces, I can have lasting victory in this area.

The role of self-identification

Simply identifying myself first as a follower of Jesus Christ is not the end of spiritual battle. It turns out that there are many other ways that we self-identify that also play a key role in our spiritual life, too. When we accept as unchangeable aspects of ourselves things that God would have us shed - a tendency to superiority, desires that are not God's revealed will for us, unbridled anger - we give them a power over us that interferes with the transformation that should be ours in Christ Jesus. 

When we have done this, turning loose of them can require more than just deciding otherwise. We will likely need to renounce the lie that has warped us, and any spiritual influence that has taken root in our lives as the result of it. 

Testaments

We always give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ when we pray for you, for we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and the love that you have for all the holy ones because of the hope reserved for you in heaven. Of this you have already heard through the word of truth, the Gospel, that has come to you. Just as in the whole world it is bearing fruit and growing, so also among you, from the day you heard it and came to know the grace of God in truth - Col 1, 3-6

As I revisit these words from this morning's liturgy, I find myself thinking of my many friends who are faithful followers of Christ Jesus, who are clearly giving growth to the kingdom of God by how they live their lives, and who serve as examples for me. Their faith encourages my strength against the temptations in my own life, helps me to renounce my sin and the influences that come with it, to instead walk in grace so as perhaps to bear fruit for those around me to see, as well.

The next challenge in the journey

And on the road to righteousness sometimes the climb can be so steep
I may falter in my steps, but never beyond his reach

O God, you are my God and I will ever praise you
I will seek you in the morning, and I will learn to walk in your ways
and step by step you'll lead me, and I will follow you all of my days - Rich Mullins, Sometimes by Step

I don't know what the summer is going to bring spiritually. Having completed the Exercises and the Easter season, I feel somewhat adrift. Being the adopted son I am called to be needs to remain my highest priority even when there isn't a clear "program" in place for it.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the lakeshore (step 31) - session 1f

Jn 21 (cont.)

Peter turned and saw following them the disciple whom Jesus loved, who had lain close to his breast at the supper and had said, "Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?"

When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, "Lord, what about this man?" 

Jesus said to him, "If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? Follow me!" 

The saying spread abroad among the brethren that this disciple was not to die; yet Jesus did not say to him that he was not to die, but, "If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you?" 

This is the disciple who is bearing witness to these things, and who has written these things; and we know that his testimony is true. - (20-24)

It seems to me that this story would be important if, as most scholars hold, St. John's gospel didn't take it's final form - and especially if Chapter 21 were not added - until after his death. Even if he wrote it himself near the end of his life, it would be important for him to address any belief in the community that the Lord would return before his passing.

But the important part for us is probably in verse 22: why do we focus so much on the blessing which others receive? Why do we long for a miracle of our own, or for a certainty in our faith that others seem to possess? What is that to us? We are to follow Jesus in the role he has for us.

But there are also many other things which Jesus did; were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. - (20-25)

If Jesus is who we believe him to be, it is of course impossible for the world to contain all the books that would be written, in addition to containing itself, all of which he has done!

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to his disciples behind closed doors – Divine Mercy Sunday (step 29) - session 2

John 20:24-29

I have written on multiple occasions about my namesake (though he is not central to all of these linked posts). I tend to be gentler with him than those who are so sure of themselves that they consider "doubting" to be among the worst of vices.

A deacon friend of mine has a take on this which is also more kind to Thomas. Suppose a group of your friends tells you that they've had an encounter with the risen Lord, but continues to act in the same fearful and perhaps even disobedient way that they had been acting before? They allege that Jesus, whom you'd just seen die (okay, there's no evidence that Thomas was close enough to actually witness his death, but stay with me) two days before, had risen from the dead and appeared among them. They tell you that he said "As the Father has sent me, so I send you," but you see them still huddling in a closed room, carefully locking the door as anyone enters or departs so that no one can burst in and arrest them, too. They aren't acting as if the one they've followed for the past three years has sent them forth; they're protecting their safety rather than putting their lives and reputations on the line to boldly proclaim what they had witnessed.

Wouldn't you doubt the veracity of their testimony, too?

(Thanks, Jon Danner, for this idea, which I've fleshed out just a little.)

So perhaps Thomas wasn't the only doubter among them. Maybe his doubt contributed to their own: if they couldn't convince this fellow disciple, then no one else would be likely to believe them either. Maybe their doubt aroused his: if they weren't any bolder than this, how could the news be true? Maybe their doubts were symbiotic. But Jesus addresses their doubts in a way that encourages us to this day: Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe. (29b)

Maybe one of the people to whom Jesus is referring here is his mother! I was thinking last night before prayer group how, after his resurrection, Jesus seems to have appeared only to those who needed reassurance - and perhaps his mother never wavered in her belief - or formation. This would be the best reason to disagree with St. Ignatius' conclusions regarding the inevitability of the risen Jesus appearing to his mom.

But certainly Jesus is also referring even to those in our own day who believe in him without the confirmation of some wondrous sign. We need to be careful not to dismiss these, in a couple of different ways, out of some sense of pride: "God doesn't work that way anymore," and "My faith is strong enough that I don't need to see a miracle; let those who are weaker than me flock to apparitions (etc.)," can be prideful dismissals both of the work of God today and of those who may be sincerely seeking him with a pure heart. That said, there is something to be said for those who have such security in him that they don't long to be witness to or recipient of such an incredible event and who do not envy those receive that gift, but simply believe that whatever gifts and reassurances God has put in their own life are sufficient to glorify him in the ways he desires for them.

That was way longer than I expected it to be.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to his disciples behind closed doors – Divine Mercy Sunday (step 29) - session 1a

On the evening of that day, the first day of the week, the doors being shut where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you." When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord.  Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I send you." And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." - Jn 20:19-23

There are places where there is great understatement in the words the evangelists use, and others where we fail to assign them their full import. We find examples of both in this brief passage.

First, the understatement: I imagine the disciples were exceedingly glad when they saw the Lord, once they got over their shock and fear. But perhaps this isn't such understatement: maybe they were still so very much taken aback by Jesus' appearance among them that their gladness was stifled, leading Jesus to repeat his greeting.

Of course Jesus' first message to them was one of peace. If my mother or father or sister were to appear in this room with me, I would likely need to be greeted with peace, too! I thought Fr. Dave did a wonderful job of capturing this idea in his homily of Easter morning. (Even though we had a different scripture passage, the point was still applicable.)

As for the statement we fail to fully grasp: As the Father has sent me, even so I send you. Now, in some ways this isn't fully possible: we haven't been with the Father since before the foundation of the universe, But so many aspects of Jesus' sending should be present in our own, too.

• We aren't to be content to remain where we are. Okay, we may not be coequal with God and seated on a throne of glory. Still, God's love for his lost children is great, and if we know the love of God in the slightest we should also be motivated to be about serving them rather than remaining where we are.
• Jesus had demonstrated in two dramatic ways the sort of humble service to which we are called. 
• First, he performed an act of hygiene which I've been told not even a menial slave could be forced to do. I think that the sanitized version we get at our Holy Thursday liturgies is good as far as it goes, but we don't have to deal with feet (our own or others') that have walked around in highly unsanitary conditions protected only by primitive sandals. 
• He then, of course, gave his life for us, in the most humiliating and agonizing way.

We may not, most of us, be called to lay down our lives so painfully, but we are nonetheless called to lay them down. As the Father has sent me, even so I send you. It is not sending with trumpet fanfare and promises of great recognition. But in it is the greatest glory of all.

The third phase: Confirming

After the demanding decision-making there is a feeling of relief, but the Exercises do not end there but continue with the living out of this choice, which becomes reality in the daily existence of the companions. The paschal mystery (the passion and the resurrection stories of the gospel) constitutes the material for the contemplations in the rest of the Exercises, which like a diptych is divided between the Third Phase that deals with the passion of Jesus and to the Fourth that leads us to the resurrection. The two sides of the paschal mystery is in fact the place where the companions’ existence unfolds in constant tension between suffering and joy. They are called to fidelity to their chosen way and lifestyle in these varying circumstances. - Introduction to the third phase

Again, the structure makes great sense. All of our lives is an immersion in crucifixion and resurrection, so it makes sense for these remaining phases to be rooted in these wonderful mysteries of the church. I'm still thinking a lot about Fr. Neuhaus, and of the idea that I have learned from him that suffering is not merely a means to glory but is itself a glorification, if we enter into it with the proper spirit. We remain afraid of it, though.

I, for instance, do not wish to know the heartache of seeing my daughter in suffering and peril. Yet perhaps I may enter into this moment rather than shrink from it, knowing that the Father loved me enough to see his only Son bear far worse than this. I know that she is no more abandoned in her circumstances (emotional and, more urgently now, physical) than Jesus was in his, no matter how much they both may have experienced the feelings of being abandoned and afraid.

I wish that the liturgical calendar allowed for more contemplation of this phase, but as Fr. Neuhaus insists that our meditations about Good Friday should actually expand throughout the year because its implications certainly do, so I may come back to this phase to allow consider it at greater length.

Conforming (phase 2), Jesus raises Lazarus and gets anointed at the supper in Bethany - AtaDc (step20), session 4

This is what I get for not looking ahead. In the previous session I ended up discussing the differences between the accounts of Jesus' anointing at Bethany, and now I see that these next two scripture passages are Matthew's and Mark's accounts of this event. First up: Matthew 26. I think the online retreat masters have omitted part of this one, though, as they've only specified verses 6-10.  Perhaps it was an oversight, because the remaining verses include another important idea.

Now when Jesus was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, a woman came up to him with an alabaster flask of very expensive ointment, and she poured it on his head, as he sat at table. 

But when the disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, "Why this waste? For this ointment might have been sold for a large sum, and given to the poor."

But Jesus, aware of this, said to them, "Why do you trouble the woman? For she has done a beautiful thing to me.  ¹¹For you always have the poor with you, but you will not always have me.  In pouring this ointment on my body she has done it to prepare me for burial. Truly, I say to you, wherever this gospel is preached in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her." 

Then one of the twelve, who was called Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, "What will you give me if I deliver him to you?" And they paid him thirty pieces of silver. And from that moment he sought an opportunity to betray him. - Mt 26:6-16

Besides the home where the anointing takes place and the anonymity of the woman, another difference in this version within the indicated verses is that it is not just Judas who takes offense over the outrageous generosity poured out on Jesus. Maybe Matthew was one of the apostles who shared in that feeling, or was more aware of how widespread it was among the disciples than John was. Of course, the part of Jesus' body which the woman anoints is different, too. Verses 11 and 12 are ideas included in both accounts, as Jesus mentions the uniqueness of this opportunity as contrasted against the ever-present reality of poverty and invokes his imminent death. Matthew includes Jesus' prophecy that woman's love for Jesus will be proclaimed as long as the gospel is, and helps make it certain by including it.

But the key difference at the end of this account is how Judas is immediately motivated to betray Jesus based on this account. St. John includes the role of Lazarus in both the people's celebration of Jesus in his subsequent entry into Jerusalem and in the chief priests' desire to put him to death, which are omitted here because there is no mention of Lazarus. But this account includes the extremity of Judas' indignation over this generous event.

It occurs to me this morning that this woman loves Jesus so much more and better than I do. I struggle to give him even a meager measure of obedience and purity of mind and heart, let alone the minimal treasure I share with him. I am hopeful that taking the Financial Peace University course will help my wife and I finally get on the same page in that regard, but it will not matter if I fail to be more aware of how my brokenness needs to become less like it has been and more like that flask: one extravagant gift broken to facilitate further extravagance.

Conforming (phase 2), Who is Jesus? What quality do I long and pray for? - AtaDc (step19), session 7

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord." - Lk 4:18-19

Jesus reads from the scroll of Isaiah, and we find this passage at the beginning of chapter 61, though our translation of it doesn't quite match. Of course Jesus is primarily going to fulfill this by releasing us from our captivity to sin, helping us see our sin clearly for what it is and what it does, setting at liberty those oppressed by sin. The parallel in Isaiah includes that he will bind up the brokenhearted, which we see him do over and over again throughout the Gospels for those whose hearts are broken in so many ways, including broken by their own guilt.

I love Jesus for this.

Plenty has been written about the phenomenon of a prophet not being welcomed in his own country, so let me move to the end (entire reading: Lk 4:16-30).

And they rose up and put him out of the city, and led him to the brow of the hill on which their city was built, that they might throw him down headlong. But passing through the midst of them he went away. - Lk 4:29-30

When individuals with great power are opposed, their response is often severe. It takes a truly secure person of power to respond gently and peacefully to those who dare to disagree with them. We sometimes focus so much on Jesus' humanity and his humility that we forget that he had more power over the physical world at his disposal than any person who ever lived. There is much he could have done to those who dared to cast him down. But Jesus didn't come to dominate us, he came to love us. No one is ever set free through oppression, and Jesus doesn't oppress us today. When we become angry that our prayers are not answered in the way we prefer, God does not smite us, but is patient with us. He calls us, and if we resist him he passes through our midst, simply awaiting another time he has prepared for us to be more open to his message for us.

If we are conforming to Jesus, we must seek to fulfill the anointing we share with him, not through miraculous works, and not responding in anger when we are rejected for doing what we can because it isn't all that the recipient might want.

Conforming (phase 2), Who is Jesus? What quality do I long and pray for? - AtaDc (step19), session 6

We hear this session's Scripture each year on the third Sunday of Lent, when we observe the First Scrutiny with the RCIA elect and candidates for full communion in the Church, so it is somewhat fresh in my mind from two weeks ago. John 4:1-42 relates Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman at Jacob's well. There is too much about Jesus in this reading to reflect on all of it on a day when I have much work to do around the house due to my wife's illness. I'm going to have to make due with a summary and a specific new observation or two that struck me when reading this passage once again.

The step titles this sessions, Jesus is Prophet, Messiah, the Anointed, and the giver of living water, and in summarizing that way it misses an important point or two. Nonetheless, it points out a valuable progression in our recognition of who Jesus is. First is the acknowledgement that Jesus is a prophet, one who speaks for God. The woman recognizes quickly, when confronted with the undeniable truth of her life, that this stranger she'd never met - nor probably even heard of - before has knowledge that is beyond human. Perhaps this is easier for her because Jesus doesn't dismiss or condemn her as he speaks her truth aloud to her. She doesn't acknowledge him as the Prophet, at this point, merely a prophet.

The next interchange between them has an interesting word difference in the RSV as compared to the NAB translation used at Mass when Jesus says You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. No need to get into the deep historical divisions between Jews and Samaritans here. I am instead struck by the use of the verb know, rendered in the NAB as understand. Perhaps the difference doesn't really apply here, but I have reflected at length - and I still can't seem to find the post which I thought focused on this idea most thoroughly - on things directly related to what it really means to know, in the truly biblical sense, a phrase we euphemistically resign to referring to carnal knowledge. I wonder whether the word know rather than understand might carry an undercurrent of intimacy of relationship with God rather than head knowledge about him.

This leads her to wonder whether Jesus might be the Messiah, or Christ, the Jewish and Greek words which are both translated as Anointed One. (This is similar to how the gospels treat Thomas, Didymus, and twin.)  This is a higher level of recognition, though at this point she seems to be speculating, as we might be in her shoes. When she bears witness to the townspeople who have shunned her - the passage itself doesn't specifically say this, but a significant amount of exegesis based on general knowledge of the region and culture as well as the woman's specific circumstances has suggested that this is why she would be at the well at this time of day and by herself - even if she herself has come to believe it to be true, she only dares to pose it as a question: could this be him?

Jesus often leads us by steps to more complete knowledge - there's that word again - of him.

This session title next describes Jesus as giver of living water, and of course he is. But in the shortcomings of language and analogy, he is also: the provider of the living water, the source of the living water (which flowed from his side as he hung dead on the cross), and he himself is the living water which quenches us. He is, in fact, the living water without which we die of spiritual thirst. We are living in a world full of such dead people, and we are supposed to be leading them to the Living Water the same way that Jesus did.

This passage contains a final aspect of who Jesus is in this passage which is not included in this session title. The step has mostly focused on titles by which Jesus revealed himself, except for session 5, and it has returned to that motif for this session. But the townspeople reveal a very important aspect of who Jesus is which is related to what was discussed in the previous session, that he is the Savior of the world. The Messiah was to be the Anointed One of Israel, the king to restore God's chosen people to a place of prominent witness to his greatness. These Samaritans recognize that Jesus' mission is greater than the people to whom Jesus himself said that he was sent, the children of Israel.

He is indeed the Savior of us all, and there is no hope to which we aspire which will not ultimately find its entire fulfillment in him.

Conforming (phase 2), Who is Jesus? What quality do I long and pray for? - AtaDc (step19), session 4c

Got busy with visiting grandchildren last night and didn't complete this session then. Here 'tis:

This session's reading, Mt 17:1-18, seems to cover three events, and I've thus far reflected on the first two. But makes more sense to me to conclude the third with verse 20.

And when they came to the crowd, a man came up to him and kneeling before him said, "Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is an epileptic and he suffers terribly; for often he falls into the fire, and often into the water. And I brought him to your disciples, and they could not heal him." 

And Jesus answered, "O faithless and perverse generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him here to me." And Jesus rebuked him, and the demon came out of him, and the boy was cured instantly. 

Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, "Why could we not cast it out?" 

He said to them, "Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, `Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you." - Mt 17, 14-20

This portion seems to belong in the previous step as much as in the current one, as it deals with a healing. It seems as if Jesus is being unusually harsh with his disciples, but his efforts to instill greater faith in them make sense in the light of his impending Passion and their response to it. Jesus himself doesn't appear to have physically rearranged any mountains during his life on earth, though I'm sure he would have if it would have contributed to our faith. Presumably, this distressed father approached the disciples while Jesus had Peter, James and John with him for his transfiguration.

We're too refined to bother with demons today. The thing is, I suspect they're not finished bothering with us. I love the Unbound approach to deliverance ministry, in which the believer is led to renounce the things that he himself has accepted and embraced: ideas, actions and spiritual influences that he has allowed or even encouraged to influence his life. It is usually not so dramatic as Jesus' approach to them, but then we are not often blessed with the level of Spirit-guided knowledge that Jesus possessed.

But even this model draws heavily on the gift of faith that Jesus bestows on each of us. If we do not believe in our hearts that Jesus has won this victory for us, how can we bring it to bear its full power to transform our lives?

Conforming (phase 2), Who is Jesus? What quality do I long and pray for? - AtaDc (step19), session 4b

And the disciples asked him, "Then why do the scribes say that first Eli'jah must come?" 

He replied, "Eli'jah does come, and he is to restore all things; but I tell you that Eli'jah has already come, and they did not know him, but did to him whatever they pleased. So also the Son of man will suffer at their hands."  Then the disciples understood that he was speaking to them of John the Baptist. - Mt 17:10-13

John the Baptist being the fulfillment of this prophecy always struck me as a reach, but I think it is one of those things that we must believe before we can understand it. There is no record of John doing the kind of miracles which Elijah did, but again, such works from a prophet served primarily to prepare hearts to receive his message. John seems to have had a significant following, and he was blessed to proclaim the imminence and then the coming of the Messiah, a thing for which Elijah himself likely longed greatly.

But the thing that strikes me again in this passage is how our desire to avoid suffering contrasts with Jesus' acceptance of his. Jesus understood the unbreakable relationship between suffering and glory, and we want the latter without committing to the former. It was obviously not easy for him, not in anticipation and obviously not in the unfathomable actuality, yet he never shrunk from the task at hand. I am certain this is another way in which I should be seeking to conform my life and attitude to those of Jesus, and I rebuke the fear that begins to stir when I consider what that might mean.

I think of the example of a friend who begins to make the difference in a bunch of young people's lives. She has suffered through the challenges of being certified for the work to which she is called, and now suffers through the labor pains of bringing forth lessons that will reach these young minds with the knowledge and learning methods they will need to become the fully-equipped sons and daughters whom God dreams for them to become. There is wondrous glory to come, and perhaps she gets a glimmer of it already, like a Transfiguration moment.

Conforming (phase 2), Who is Jesus? What quality do I long and pray for? - AtaDc (step19), session 4a

I'm only breaking today's session into two pieces - okay, maybe three. The reason for this division will be apparent as soon as the reader looks at the assigned reading, Mt 17:1-18 (or my reflections thereon). This is another of those which causes me to wonder if

The first part of this reading is a parallel to the Gospel reading of the second Sunday of Lent this year (March 1st).  Since this followed the fourth Saturday of February, our parish men's fellowship group discussed the Transfiguration together at our semimonthly meeting. But new (for me) thoughts are occurring to me just from a quick glance at this part of the reading.

And after six days Jesus took with him Peter and James and John his brother, and led them up a high mountain apart. And he was transfigured before them, and his face shone like the sun, and his garments became white as light. And behold, there appeared to them Moses and Eli'jah, talking with him. 

And Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, it is well that we are here; if you wish, I will make three booths here, one for you and one for Moses and one for Eli'jah." 

He was still speaking, when lo, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him." 

When the disciples heard this, they fell on their faces, and were filled with awe. But Jesus came and touched them, saying, "Rise, and have no fear."  And when they lifted up their eyes, they saw no one but Jesus only. And as they were coming down the mountain, Jesus commanded them, "Tell no one the vision, until the Son of man is raised from the dead."- Mt 17:1-9


First, the "and after six days" refers to their arrival at Caesarea Philippi and Jesus beginning to prepare them for his Passion and death. This is important context, I think, for this dramatic event.

Aside from their subsequent key leadership roles and their chronological primacy as disciples, I've always wondered: why just these three? I suspect its the same answer as "why doesn't everybody get to witness miracles?" God does what causes the most people to choose him for eternity! In some cases, Jesus makes clear that the reason a miracle happened was related to the faith of the recipient; I readily admit that my faith is so much less than that of many people I know. No Transfiguration moment for me, I guess. But my faith is not in my faith, nor in miraculous works; it is in my Savior.

As we observed in our men's group, at the beginning of this reading, the disciples may have been more impressed by Moses and Elijah than by Jesus. Perhaps it was a matter of either their familiarity with him or their pride over their place in him obscuring what a wonder they were witnessing. Maybe it was because they didn't yet truly understand or believe in who He is. Clearly he desires for them to have this glimpse of his glory, and the Father wants to make sure they don't miss the point: there is no need for three booths here, there is only One to follow.

Peter, James and John are terrified when they hear the Father's voice, as we should be. Yet Jesus' first word to them is the same as it has always been to those who tremble before him: do not be afraid. Jesus has reconciled us, and while that is cause for humility before him, it is also a comfort against the fear that always accompanies our realization that we are unworthy of him.