Ironically, one of my mother's favorite expressions was from a Sir Walter Scott poem: "Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive." I could spend a few paragraphs on the first word of this post, but it really isn't at all about mom. Last night I was awake a considerable period of time after realizing the ongoing presence of a quite complicated web in my life. It's no wonder that Dayton Unbound uses the Mary, Undoer of Knots devotion. I think I need to pray that novena.
The Five Keys to spiritual freedom are faith and repentance (which form one key, based on the Gospel: repent and believe), forgiveness, renunciation, authority, and the Father's blessing. I find myself struggling with several of them in an area which either the Holy Spirit or my mind brought to my attention during the night. I have been feeling resentment toward a couple people - maybe several, now that I think about it. And resentment means there is unforgiveness present, but not always toward the person you resent. Sometimes it can be unforgiveness toward another person who is more responsible for your resentment, but it can also be tied up with something of which we need to repent. In this case, I feel I need to repent of a decades-old lie. The genesis of this untruth was related to a sin of which I have already repented. The lie itself was not of my making, but I was the one to figure it out and am the only one involved who seems to know that it is an untruth. But to repent of something means turning away from it, and I must not turn away from this lie, or others will bear far worse hurt than I do. So I must find a way to forgive the others who were involved in this lie to which I must adhere, not merely for their involvement in the original untruth, but for my current status as someone who is dishonest, which I detest.
It seems like a situation for a therapist, but I have been down that road multiple times already, and I'm already maintaining the path upon which we have agreed.
If you're my friend, dear reader, I would find it most helpful if you could find a way to let me know that you are praying for me in this. I feel so alone with it, and the person to whom I would otherwise turn is a part of this web, and discussion with that person on this topic has repeatedly proven unhelpful.
Friday, June 30, 2017
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
Another fine distinction
At our Tuesday prayer group, we usually read the gospel for the coming Sunday. I carry the RSV translation, but the lectionary uses the NAB. Occasionally there's a wording difference which makes for an interesting insight. This weekend, we're going to hear the conclusion of Jesus' instructions to the apostles before He sends them out to prepare His way. Among the last verses is the quote, as per the NAB: Whoever welcomes you, welcomes me. But the RSV renders it as whoever receives you, receives me.
The verb difference is subtle, but I think it's worth thinking about.
The verb difference is subtle, but I think it's worth thinking about.
Today's word
tristful /TRIST-ful/ - sad, melancholy
This quotation cited in the article has felt true for me, at least at times, in my life: "I've been dreading the moment I wake. Waking is a tristful business for the man who reflects." — Howard Jacobson, The Independent (London), 27 Nov. 2010
But this underscores something that Neal Lozano talks about in his Unbound videos: even though our society places a high value on introspection, it is actually a negative thing. It transfers our attention from God's abundant love for us onto ourselves. That isn't to say we shouldn't be self-aware, but being introspective puts too much emphasis on ourselves, and the quote above illustrates exactly what's wrong with that.
It's a fine distinction, but an important one.
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
Today's word
scapegrace /SKAYP-grayss/ - an incorrigible rascal
I recognized this word's etymology on sight, even though I think I'd never encountered it before. The article doesn't go into the Levitical origins of scapegoat, but since grace is an equally biblical concept, this term makes perfect sense.
It seems that I often do battle against the temptation to become one of these. I struggle to believe that God is real, and that what He wants for me is better than what I might otherwise want. Ultimately, I keep finding that my faith in God is just strong enough to keep me from turning to the lower road. That really keeps coming down to the baptismal promises: renouncing Satan and all his works and all his empty promises, and believing in God the Father, the Son, and the Spirit at work through the Church.
Well, that was no fun . . .
Kept an eye on the weather radar last night for the early rain to pass, then started off for what I intended to be a four-mile run. But I just couldn't seem to keep running. First walking break happened after running up the first hill, then stopped for a while under a tree while it rained for a few minutes - guess I should have checked that radar more closely. Thereafter, it seems like I was able to run about a half mile at a time before needing to walk for a bit, for the remainder of what ended up being a 4.5 mile outing. As I was preparing to shower, I noticed I hadn't taken my meds yesterday morning, including my bp pill. I wonder if that might have affected my performance?
But the real fun started after I was in bed (ostensibly) for the night. In my dream, my wife's brother-in-law and I were on our way to Johnny Carson's house for a film screening. On the way, he observed that his wife tended to under dress for such occasions. We got there and he went in, but I hung out in the driveway for a minute. The band arrived and started to make their way in around me, as I apologized for not being able to get out of their way more effectively because of the cramp in my foot. My wife and sister-in-law soon arrived, having driven separately from us, and I hugged them both and observed to my SIL in particular that she looked very nice, contrary to her husband's concerns. They started to make their way in, but I wanted to wait until my cramp subsided. My wife's BIL came back out with a bottle of water. There was an African American woman going in, carrying a water bottle, so I took the bottle from my wife's BIL and drank about half of it while she looked on, after which she got on my case for taking her water. It seems that her empty water bottle was for some other purpose (in my dream she told me what it was, and it made sense, but I don't remember now). I apologized and explained my urgent need for hydration, and offered to go get her a new bottle of water. About this time, that foot cramp finally woke me up.
It was the first of about four wake-ups during the night from cramps. I'm not so sure about this triathlon, but I really want to do this, once.
But the real fun started after I was in bed (ostensibly) for the night. In my dream, my wife's brother-in-law and I were on our way to Johnny Carson's house for a film screening. On the way, he observed that his wife tended to under dress for such occasions. We got there and he went in, but I hung out in the driveway for a minute. The band arrived and started to make their way in around me, as I apologized for not being able to get out of their way more effectively because of the cramp in my foot. My wife and sister-in-law soon arrived, having driven separately from us, and I hugged them both and observed to my SIL in particular that she looked very nice, contrary to her husband's concerns. They started to make their way in, but I wanted to wait until my cramp subsided. My wife's BIL came back out with a bottle of water. There was an African American woman going in, carrying a water bottle, so I took the bottle from my wife's BIL and drank about half of it while she looked on, after which she got on my case for taking her water. It seems that her empty water bottle was for some other purpose (in my dream she told me what it was, and it made sense, but I don't remember now). I apologized and explained my urgent need for hydration, and offered to go get her a new bottle of water. About this time, that foot cramp finally woke me up.
It was the first of about four wake-ups during the night from cramps. I'm not so sure about this triathlon, but I really want to do this, once.
Monday, June 26, 2017
Really nice Sunday, too
The reason we visited family on Saturday rather than Sunday was that we knew three children who were baptized at 10:30 mass, then had a reception to attend for one of them. What a great day. I took advantage of the excuse to sleep in: it was pretty late when we'd gotten home the night before, and I'd done eight hours of driving. Was really surprised to see a friend from Unbound ministry after mass, who it turns out is good friends with the newer family from our choir whose baby boy was baptized. It was nice getting to talk with him and meet his family. Took a nap after we got home, too, then got the grass cut out back. Probably should have done the front again too, but it has only been a few days.
Wonderful Saturday
Got up early for men's group, then headed north to visit my cousin, and my aunt who was visiting him, in Michigan. Hard to believe it has been nearly four years since we saw them. It was a very nice visit. Beautiful weather, so we sat outside for the longest time, and after a while I got the guitar out and played and sang for a while. It was a really nice time.
We met a cousin twice removed who was in utero the last time we saw everyone. What a cutie. Teri played with her at length. Apparently she woke up the next morning and wanted to know where "her friend" was.
It was a four hour drive each way, but it was time well spent. I hope it isn't so long until we see them again.
We met a cousin twice removed who was in utero the last time we saw everyone. What a cutie. Teri played with her at length. Apparently she woke up the next morning and wanted to know where "her friend" was.
It was a four hour drive each way, but it was time well spent. I hope it isn't so long until we see them again.
Friday, June 23, 2017
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
Today's word
duende /doo-EN-day/ - the power to attract through personal magnetism and charm
Appears to traditionally have been used to describe charisma in the performance arts. Recognized its language of origin right away, but had no idea of the etymology within it.
Monday, June 19, 2017
Pretty nice Father's Day
Although there was one conspicuous absence, I had a pretty good Father's Day, for a change. I don't know what happened to the voice of failure, but I'm not lamenting its absence. I received an especially affirming message from our oldest daughter, whose respect and love bear unmistakable testimony to the power of God's grace and healing. It would have been nice to hear from our youngest daughter, but she blessed me so abundantly on my birthday that it's hard to complain.
So one of my most historically difficult times of year has concluded. I couldn't help thinking of and praying for those I know who struggle with yesterday for some of the same reasons I do, and for completely different ones. Thank you, God, for being a Father who far transcends any failings of our own dads, or our own as dads. You use even those shortcomings and deep wounds to teach us of you, by contrast. Thank You for your abundant, transforming, healing grace.
So one of my most historically difficult times of year has concluded. I couldn't help thinking of and praying for those I know who struggle with yesterday for some of the same reasons I do, and for completely different ones. Thank you, God, for being a Father who far transcends any failings of our own dads, or our own as dads. You use even those shortcomings and deep wounds to teach us of you, by contrast. Thank You for your abundant, transforming, healing grace.
Saturday, June 17, 2017
Friday, June 16, 2017
"This" is (still) an anagram
So why am I feeling like this, emotionally?
Oh . . . wait . . . I suppose it could be physical exhaustion . . .
Oh . . . wait . . . I suppose it could be physical exhaustion . . .
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
They taught me too well?
This will remain vague, sorry. It's about an important lesson from therapy that seems to be interfering a bit right now.
Monday, June 12, 2017
When you write words you know are true . . .
. . . and the adversary immediately renews the battle against you, it is time to live in the truth you have just proclaimed and ignore him.
The most effective lie . . .
. . . that our adversary uses to keep us bound to the spirits who torment us is that these things are a part of ourselves.
For instance, I am not, by my spiritual nature, bisexual, any more than any of us are by our spiritual nature promiscuous or insatiable. But by getting us to believe that this is a central part of who we are, our adversary gets us to embrace and cling to things from which Christ has set us free. The more we accept these things as part of our own nature, reinforcing them by choices and behavior, the more we become enslaved to them and, in a vicious cycle, the more we tend to see them as part of ourselves. In a case like mine, this can be true even if I remain very careful not to ever commit adultery because of this misconception. As long as I continued to hunger for sexual experiences which are not God's revealed will for me, I remained bound to the effects of this spiritual influence. (In this case, it is easy for anyone with spiritual discernment who knows my story to see how this spiritual influence entered by life. Sometimes we are completely aware of this, so we keep our story to ourselves, for a variety of reasons. This keeps us in isolation, darkness, and bondage.)
I believe the same thing can be true of physical and psychological manifestations of spiritual influences. It may be important to obtain the medical or psychological help we need, for a couple reasons. We may need to deal with our thought and behavior patterns, or the chemical effects that they have had in our bodies. We also need to keep the manifestation from pushing us to grow more unhealthy or to participate with worse, more destructive influences. In the latter case, these may also appear psychological in manifestation but have a spiritual influence or root. To completely get rid of them, eventually we are going to have to renounce the lie that this thing is a part of ourselves.
But that renunciation won't take hold in us unless we are using all the keys Jesus has given us to spiritual freedom. Those spiritual influences entered our lives through decisions we made, sometimes in response to terrible things that were done to us and sometimes simply in sin. They come in, and they lock the door behind them, and they set up house and make us think they are a part of us.
It is a lie.
We must often discover the door through which we gave them access, so that we can renounce the decision we made or the lie we believed, or repent of the sin that let them in or kept us bound to them. ("It's okay for me to not forgive so-and-so, because what they did was terrible and hurt me deeply." And the accompanying lie that forgiveness is an additional burden rather than a gift God gives us once we trust that He will do in us what we can't for ourselves.) Once we do, in Christ Jesus' authority we can kick them out, and they have to leave. And we can take back the freedom we have yielded to them in our ignorance of our adversary's schemes.
Once we are in Christ Jesus, the adversary has no power over us anymore except what we continue to yield to him.
One of the other tricks he uses is to keep us from those who can help us see clearly. If we resent them for some offense that we perceive (even if they haven't actually done anything wrong), or if we think they're off base by attributing spiritual influences for stuff that can easily be explained without anything so mystical, then instead of turning to their help we are isolated in our battle. This is another of the adversary's schemes.
I'm preaching to myself here, btw. My own bondage can seem so attractive, and even when it doesn't it can seem like a natural part of me. God, please help me to always see it as You do.
For instance, I am not, by my spiritual nature, bisexual, any more than any of us are by our spiritual nature promiscuous or insatiable. But by getting us to believe that this is a central part of who we are, our adversary gets us to embrace and cling to things from which Christ has set us free. The more we accept these things as part of our own nature, reinforcing them by choices and behavior, the more we become enslaved to them and, in a vicious cycle, the more we tend to see them as part of ourselves. In a case like mine, this can be true even if I remain very careful not to ever commit adultery because of this misconception. As long as I continued to hunger for sexual experiences which are not God's revealed will for me, I remained bound to the effects of this spiritual influence. (In this case, it is easy for anyone with spiritual discernment who knows my story to see how this spiritual influence entered by life. Sometimes we are completely aware of this, so we keep our story to ourselves, for a variety of reasons. This keeps us in isolation, darkness, and bondage.)
I believe the same thing can be true of physical and psychological manifestations of spiritual influences. It may be important to obtain the medical or psychological help we need, for a couple reasons. We may need to deal with our thought and behavior patterns, or the chemical effects that they have had in our bodies. We also need to keep the manifestation from pushing us to grow more unhealthy or to participate with worse, more destructive influences. In the latter case, these may also appear psychological in manifestation but have a spiritual influence or root. To completely get rid of them, eventually we are going to have to renounce the lie that this thing is a part of ourselves.
But that renunciation won't take hold in us unless we are using all the keys Jesus has given us to spiritual freedom. Those spiritual influences entered our lives through decisions we made, sometimes in response to terrible things that were done to us and sometimes simply in sin. They come in, and they lock the door behind them, and they set up house and make us think they are a part of us.
It is a lie.
We must often discover the door through which we gave them access, so that we can renounce the decision we made or the lie we believed, or repent of the sin that let them in or kept us bound to them. ("It's okay for me to not forgive so-and-so, because what they did was terrible and hurt me deeply." And the accompanying lie that forgiveness is an additional burden rather than a gift God gives us once we trust that He will do in us what we can't for ourselves.) Once we do, in Christ Jesus' authority we can kick them out, and they have to leave. And we can take back the freedom we have yielded to them in our ignorance of our adversary's schemes.
Once we are in Christ Jesus, the adversary has no power over us anymore except what we continue to yield to him.
One of the other tricks he uses is to keep us from those who can help us see clearly. If we resent them for some offense that we perceive (even if they haven't actually done anything wrong), or if we think they're off base by attributing spiritual influences for stuff that can easily be explained without anything so mystical, then instead of turning to their help we are isolated in our battle. This is another of the adversary's schemes.
I'm preaching to myself here, btw. My own bondage can seem so attractive, and even when it doesn't it can seem like a natural part of me. God, please help me to always see it as You do.
Saturday, June 10, 2017
So . . . those plans fell through . . .
Had planned to go see my cousin in Michigan, since his mom and brother were coming to town. My aunt will be here two more weekends, but my other cousin only this weekend. But I had to leave my plans tentative because I didn't know if there was an abscess to be drained on my back when I saw the doctor this morning. If so, I didn't want to be committed to 8 hours in the car.
All went well at the doctor, and I'd picked up my prescription and had been on the road for about half an hour of the four-hour drive when my cousin called me back to say that his mom and brother had opted for a visit to Lake Michigan today instead.
All went well at the doctor, and I'd picked up my prescription and had been on the road for about half an hour of the four-hour drive when my cousin called me back to say that his mom and brother had opted for a visit to Lake Michigan today instead.
Safe for another year
So many birthday greetings throughout the day yesterday lifted my spirits by showing me the treasure of friends and family and love with which God blesses me. The low moment toward the end of last night which could have been the beginnings of an invitation to reenter the darkness was met with a clarity of just how much I would be hurting so many people, including those equally vulnerable -- even those who weren't part of my day and whose absence may have been especially acute; I don't love or treasure them any less for it -- were I ever to succumb to it.
It isn't that the day was free of screw up or disappointment or hurt but, in perspective, what day ever is? But God always provides yet greater love and blessings, grace and mercy. His love is unfathomable, even if it is sometimes a challenge for me to remember or believe what great delight He takes in me.
He even got me to my parish in time to receive Benediction last night. What a birthday treat!
It isn't that the day was free of screw up or disappointment or hurt but, in perspective, what day ever is? But God always provides yet greater love and blessings, grace and mercy. His love is unfathomable, even if it is sometimes a challenge for me to remember or believe what great delight He takes in me.
He even got me to my parish in time to receive Benediction last night. What a birthday treat!
Friday, June 09, 2017
So, today would be the day . . .
. . . that I've determined that, if I were going to do that, it would hurt people the least in the long term.
Don't worry, though. I'm not going to do that.
Don't worry, though. I'm not going to do that.
Thursday, June 08, 2017
My attitude, toward life in general, is a way more existential threat than this lymph node is. In fact, it's pretty easy to to not be afraid of whatever this tender bump might represent given what I've been saying under my breath for the last couple decades that I've never. spoken. out loud. to anyone.
Wednesday, June 07, 2017
A potentially big little thing
As soon as I felt the little lump just above my collarbone I knew what it probably was. I still don't know what it means, but I'm not going to dilly-dally in starting to find out.
Whatever this turns out to be, I trust God to take care of me through it. Nothing happens that He does not use for good.
Glands above the collarbone (supraclavicular lymph nodes) may swell from an infection or tumor in the areas of the lungs, breasts, neck, or abdomen. - WebMD
Enlarged lymph nodes above the collar bone (supraclavicular lymphadenopathy) are always considered to be abnormal. These generally suggest a cancer of or an infection in the region close by. Examples of these may include lung infection, lung cancer, lymphoma in the chest cavity, or breast cancer. Occasionally more distant cancers may seed these lymph nodes, such as genital cancers or colon cancer. Some inflammatory causes of the swollen lymph nodes above the collar bone (clavicle) can include tuberculosis or sarcoidosis. - MedicineNet.comNo, I'm not self-diagnosing. But I'm also not going to play around and hope it just goes away.
Whatever this turns out to be, I trust God to take care of me through it. Nothing happens that He does not use for good.
Tuesday, June 06, 2017
Monday, June 05, 2017
My last friend who died . . .
. . . or, at least, whose death I knew about at the time it happened, was the son of other dear friends of ours. Our dear friends are older than we are, so their son was just a few years younger than us. Just a few weeks before he took his life, on our way to a retreat together, I'd offered him encouragement that he was seeking the right path. Unfortunately, he'd given no indication that he was dealing with such depression. It was a difficult time.
The echoes of that time are now way more complicated because of what I learned a number of years after his passing. He committed an unspeakable offense against a precious member of my family, and for both of their sake I will not be more specific than that here. Apparently I was among the last to learn of it. Even though I have forgiven him and prayed for him, this most recent passing of a friend recalls that one simply because that was the last one.
I continue to pray for you, that your brokenness is healed for all eternity. And I join you in praying for those whom you hurt.
The echoes of that time are now way more complicated because of what I learned a number of years after his passing. He committed an unspeakable offense against a precious member of my family, and for both of their sake I will not be more specific than that here. Apparently I was among the last to learn of it. Even though I have forgiven him and prayed for him, this most recent passing of a friend recalls that one simply because that was the last one.
I continue to pray for you, that your brokenness is healed for all eternity. And I join you in praying for those whom you hurt.
The rest of the weekend
We had a really great day on Saturday with the remainder of the seminars. I hope the attendees were as touched as I was by the Spirit's work in our lives. I had a little bit of trouble getting out of there for Mass at St. H., because there were so many of my former fellow parishioners to say hi to! The weekend masses were also wonderful, although the messages from the three visiting priests were a mixed bag. I am a little disappointed that we never use the vigil readings, because that passage from St. John about rivers of living water flowing from us was such a key part of my weekend.
There was also a couple hours of good work Saturday evening finishing up the proposal that we needed to submit by today. I was pleased with where it ended up.
I was beginning to feel pretty sad, though, by Sunday afternoon. I attributed it to the typical letdown that we often experience when we've seen the Lord work in powerful ways that we had been anticipating and fostering for a while. "Okay, down from the mountaintop now." But it felt like more than that. About mid afternoon, after I'd had a short nap - I had not really had very restful sleep throughout the weekend - when my wife told me that a fellow parishioner had called to tell us about a friend who had passed away in the morning. I'd known him from music ministry, men's group, and our prayer group. He was always enthusiastic, loved the Lord with his whole heart, willing to work on his weaknesses. He felt so uplifted by music, and enjoyed playing guitar and bass. But he'd also been in declining health, really, for as long as I'd known him.
I will miss you, Jerry. I'm confident that you're home now, and for your sake I am glad of it, for your praise is no longer restrained by your suffering - not that you ever let that hold you back very much. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend for you, as you now know. Please pray for me anyway, my brother.
There was also a couple hours of good work Saturday evening finishing up the proposal that we needed to submit by today. I was pleased with where it ended up.
I was beginning to feel pretty sad, though, by Sunday afternoon. I attributed it to the typical letdown that we often experience when we've seen the Lord work in powerful ways that we had been anticipating and fostering for a while. "Okay, down from the mountaintop now." But it felt like more than that. About mid afternoon, after I'd had a short nap - I had not really had very restful sleep throughout the weekend - when my wife told me that a fellow parishioner had called to tell us about a friend who had passed away in the morning. I'd known him from music ministry, men's group, and our prayer group. He was always enthusiastic, loved the Lord with his whole heart, willing to work on his weaknesses. He felt so uplifted by music, and enjoyed playing guitar and bass. But he'd also been in declining health, really, for as long as I'd known him.
I will miss you, Jerry. I'm confident that you're home now, and for your sake I am glad of it, for your praise is no longer restrained by your suffering - not that you ever let that hold you back very much. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend for you, as you now know. Please pray for me anyway, my brother.
Saturday, June 03, 2017
Pentecost weekend
Our prayer group, which we started (well, God started) in the on-base Catholic community in 1987, is sponsoring a video Life in the Spirit Seminar for Pentecost weekend. We started last night. I'm excited for what the Holy Spirit is doing in people's lives. I'm mainly leading music for it. This can be a little tricky, because many wonderful songs invoking the Holy Spirit are not typically in the Catholic liturgical repertoire, and you can never tell whether a given parish is going to have many that are. So we're using our organization's license to use songs that are in use by the charismatic community throughout the world, but need to select things that are simple enough for people to learn quickly. So far I think we've found a pretty good balance between music they know and music they can learn quickly.
For our closing song last night, I felt led to use this simple, repetitive, meditative invitation to God, Come Into My Heart. But as we were finishing, I pointed out that God always first issues the invitation to us. We had just heard David Mangan share (on video) of God's great love for us. [He has written a book on the topic: God Loves You, {and there's nothing you can do about it}] He spoke of God's unconditional love for us, and how He doesn't wait for us to get ourselves squared away - as if we ever could - before working in our lives. He meets us right where we are, in whatever messed-up state we may be, and begins to heal and transform us. And I pointed out as we were finishing the song inviting Him into our hearts that this is always a response to an invitation He always first issues to us: Come into My Heart, He says. Enter my loving heart. Another verse says, "I give my life to you," and this is another one that He sings to us before we ever sing it to Him. So finished by repeating those two verses from that perspective.
It was after this that one of the attendees paid me the wonderful compliment I wrote about last night. So apparently this is going pretty well. But I know that at least one attendee expressed reservations about the whole thing. We can be so resistant to allowing God to work in our lives. We can be so maddeningly rational and skeptical, so certain that our lives are okay the way they are, thank you very much. Or we can believe the lie that we are too flawed, or we can be afraid that nothing will happen, or in that fear worry that that would just confirm our low opinion of ourselves.
God's love, and His great dreams for us, are so far beyond our understanding, but our understanding isn't required. Our willingness to trust Him, to yield to the infinitely greater things that He wants for us, is so much more important. But it is hard for us to set aside our 'need' to understand. But somewhere within us, the message that God takes great delight in us and desires only the best for us resonates with truth. We can trust Him. And when we finally do, He fulfills in us the Gospel reading that we will hear proclaimed at the Pentecost vigil this evening: "Let anyone who thirsts come to me and drink. As Scripture says: Rivers of living water will flow from within him who believes in me."
I have been blessed to see this fulfilled. I know this is not of me. I have no living water of myself to offer anyone, I am a flawed, sinful man. But as we thirst, and we come to Jesus to drink, God shares His Holy Spirit freely with, and through, anyone who is willing to be His vessel. It is a great gift of His love for us.
I can't wait to see what He does today!
For our closing song last night, I felt led to use this simple, repetitive, meditative invitation to God, Come Into My Heart. But as we were finishing, I pointed out that God always first issues the invitation to us. We had just heard David Mangan share (on video) of God's great love for us. [He has written a book on the topic: God Loves You, {and there's nothing you can do about it}] He spoke of God's unconditional love for us, and how He doesn't wait for us to get ourselves squared away - as if we ever could - before working in our lives. He meets us right where we are, in whatever messed-up state we may be, and begins to heal and transform us. And I pointed out as we were finishing the song inviting Him into our hearts that this is always a response to an invitation He always first issues to us: Come into My Heart, He says. Enter my loving heart. Another verse says, "I give my life to you," and this is another one that He sings to us before we ever sing it to Him. So finished by repeating those two verses from that perspective.
It was after this that one of the attendees paid me the wonderful compliment I wrote about last night. So apparently this is going pretty well. But I know that at least one attendee expressed reservations about the whole thing. We can be so resistant to allowing God to work in our lives. We can be so maddeningly rational and skeptical, so certain that our lives are okay the way they are, thank you very much. Or we can believe the lie that we are too flawed, or we can be afraid that nothing will happen, or in that fear worry that that would just confirm our low opinion of ourselves.
God's love, and His great dreams for us, are so far beyond our understanding, but our understanding isn't required. Our willingness to trust Him, to yield to the infinitely greater things that He wants for us, is so much more important. But it is hard for us to set aside our 'need' to understand. But somewhere within us, the message that God takes great delight in us and desires only the best for us resonates with truth. We can trust Him. And when we finally do, He fulfills in us the Gospel reading that we will hear proclaimed at the Pentecost vigil this evening: "Let anyone who thirsts come to me and drink. As Scripture says: Rivers of living water will flow from within him who believes in me."
I have been blessed to see this fulfilled. I know this is not of me. I have no living water of myself to offer anyone, I am a flawed, sinful man. But as we thirst, and we come to Jesus to drink, God shares His Holy Spirit freely with, and through, anyone who is willing to be His vessel. It is a great gift of His love for us.
I can't wait to see what He does today!
Friday, June 02, 2017
What to rejoice in
It's really hard to explain the combination of emotions I have after receiving an incredible compliment this evening. It is kind of strange to get such affirmation for something that you know is wholly God's work. But a woman after the As By a New Pentecost event this evening said to me, "The Holy Spirit comes through you and, whoosh, just flows over us!"
Wow. Thank you, God, for using me in this way. I couldn't ask for more. But let me not take a bit of Your glory for myself, for You are the source of every good thing in my life, including my desire to serve You.
What a crazy busy week
Late work nights. Something going on every evening. Providing music support for a video Life in the Spirit Seminar this weekend based on the excellent As By a New Pentecost videos. Pentecost masses this weekend. Sure to be more proposal stuff next week.
Good times!
Good times!
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