Thinking-talking link

I'm not especially a fan of Joyce Meyer.  Last week I heard of a book written based on some scientific evaluation of the whole "positive thinking" phenomenon that is at the center of her ministry.  I'm sure she thinks she's doing a lot of good with it, but the study found that it tends to hinder rather than help happiness.  I guess maybe I embrace that because it matches up with what I believe already: that making happiness a goal makes it more difficult to achieve, whereas it more naturally occurs in the ebb and flow of emotions that result from living as we should.  Focus on being the person I am to be, and my happiness will take care of itself.

Still, I can't help but think that the image my FB friend shared this morning failed to finish quoting her accurately:  "If you want to get over a problem, stop talking about it. Your mind affects your mouth, and your mouth affects your mind. It's difficult to stop talking about a situation until you stop thinking about it."

That is true, as far as it goes.  But what concludes the beginning of this thought is more like this: it is impossible to stop thinking about a situation until you stop talking about it.

The thing is, some situations call for us us to think about them, and others call for the increased level of attention that cannot be healthily achieved by thinking alone.  Still, we tend to obsess over things that shouldn't be as important as we make them - or, at least, I still do - and to stop dwelling on them all the time involves discipline of both thought and expression.

The same is true of other action we take, btw.  Actions are prompted by our thoughts and feelings, and also reinforce them.

One more drink and I'll move on . . . 

Today's words

hortative \HOR-tuh-tiv\ - giving exhortation : serving to advise or warn


librocubicularist \lib-ro-kyoo-bi-KYOO-la-rist\ - a person who reads in bed

The first was actually yesterday's WOTD, and not the "hort" root I'd've guessed.

The second was courtesy of our goddaughter, who proudly acknowledges that she is one. (I used to be all the time, but not so much anymore.)

A response

to yesterday's post:

Thinking this morning of the correspondence shared between St. Jane Frances de Chantal (whose parish and grade school I attended as a child) and St. Francis de Sales, I encountered this online:

We have been told the secret of happiness is finding: finding yourself, finding love, finding the right job. Jane believed the secret of happiness was in "losing," that we should "throw ourselves into God as a little drop of water into the sea, and lose ourselves indeed in the Ocean of the divine goodness." She advised a man who wrote to her about all the afflictions he suffered "to lose all these things in God. These words produced such an effect in the soul, that he wrote me that he was wholly astonished, and ravished with joy."

Today, when any thoughts or worries come to mind, send them out into the ocean of God's love that surrounds you and lose them there. If any feelings come into your heart -- grief, fear, even joy or longing, send those out into the ocean of God's love. Finally, send your whole self, like a drop, into God. There is no past no future, here or there. There is only the infinite ocean of God. 

Prayer: Saint Jane, you forgave the man who killed your husband. Help me learn to forgive a particular person in my life who has caused me harm. You know how difficult it is to forgive. Help me to take the steps you took to welcome this person back into my life. Amen

It seems a more useful solution than lamenting my struggles.

(I just noticed, for the first time, that I was married on the anniversary of her death.)

I'm tired of letting it go

It has been 35 years.  Won't I ever be done letting go of it?

The next morning . . .

. . . I mostly miss my sister.  and our nephew.  and feel lonely.

Feeling like the (alphabetically) penultimate dwarf

I woke up in the middle of last night - I've no idea of the actual time, as I made a concerted effort not to investigate it - with what felt like indigestion.  I went out to the living room and propped myself up on the sofa for a while, and after realizing I had nodded off, went back to bed, adjusting my pillows so I'd be a little more elevated.  I slept for the rest of the night, but woke with the same gassy feeling that had awakened me. I'm feeling better now in that regard.

I don't know whether it is the lousy night's sleep or just the day itself that has me feeling like I wish it were over.

Today pretty much sucks

Okay, so I messed up the calendar just a touch, and it turns out that today is the time-math intersection at which 2x = x + 17.5.  Oddly enough, I've just realized that there's also almost a 3x in the mix, since I was almost 17.5 years old when the YMCA happened to me.

It's also our granddaughter Emma's 4th birthday (thank God for one positive!).  She was born on our late nephew's birthday, though I can't for the life of me remember for certain which one today would have been - his 40th maybe?  And that adds a closer element for me, as I can't very well empathize with my surviving nephews' pain over the loss of their sibling without being reminded of mine.

I know I'm supposed to rejoice in all things, but I just don't seem to have it in me today.

Today's words

sederunt \suh-DEER-unt\ - a prolonged sitting (as for discussion)

numen \NOO-mun\ - a spiritual force or influence often identified with a natural object, phenomenon, or place

I'm not sure I'd have guessed the first one even if I'd seen it in context, and I'd certainly never have pronounced it correctly.

Two movies

Life of Pi - What a wonderful treatment of an incredible book.  A visual treat, thrilling and uplifting, tragic and victorious.  The interaction between the author and protagonist was a bit flat against the other parts of the film, yet served an important purpose.  And contrary to what the review I heard on the radio seemed to indicate in some of the details it shared, this movie adhered pretty closely to the book, with its divergences driven by the medium.  By and large, I was pretty pleased with it.

It's really unfair for it to suffer so by comparison with Lincoln.  I understand why Spielberg wasn't willing to make this film without Daniel Day-Lewis, who so convincingly becomes every character he portrays, and brought both the sheer physical stature and the dedication to detail to carry off a role that so intimidated him that he first refused it.  This film, as I presume the book on which it was based, was a fascinating peek into the political machinations of Lincoln's day and of the abolition effort. It made clear how politicians sometimes must use their opposition's perspective to win them over, as it was clear even to those who were adamant about racial equality that they could not hope to gain even the abolition of slavery if they clung to the path of true equality which they knew to ultimately be in the right.

Perhaps most importantly, it illustrates how important it is to not allow fear of the future to undermine our willingness to do the right thing now.  We allow ourselves to be paralyzed by the unknown repercussions of doing the right thing.  This is a lesson I learned by experience: even the most dreaded consequences that come to pass are less fearsome in their reality than they are in our anticipation of them.

Time math

Just happened to realize that "by the weekend" (as opposed to "by date") tomorrow will be 35 years.  Must try to not think about that too much.

As I type this, I'm also realizing that I'm now at 17.5 years since my own behavioral anniversary.  That means that I'm at an odd juncture: the landmark of my childhood abuse being mathematically twice as long ago as the start of my recovery.

Thanksgiving 2012

I am so tired!

The food:

Appetizers: 

• A plate of assorted cheeses (Emmenthaler was one, I don't know the other two)
• Boar's Head Italian dry salame
• Stonemill artichoke and parmesan spread
• Assorted crackers

The main course:

• Bowman and Landes free range turkey, rubbed with butter and sprinkled with tarragon, thyme, salt and pepper, with celery, onion, carrot and apple placed in the cavity, and roasted
• Apple-Sausage Stuffing Recipe at Epicurious.com (could have used more apple)
• Cosmopolitan Cranberry Sauce Recipe at Epicurious.com (a consensus hit)
• Mashed sweet potatoes with freshly ground clove, cinnamon and nutmeg
• Sauteed fresh green beans with lemon juice and garlic
• Mashed potatoes
• Roasting pan gravy

Desserts:

• Pumpkin pie
• Scratch mincemeat pie
• Apple crumb pie
• Lemon meringue pie 

The attendees:

• The mrs. and I (of course)
• Our middle daughter
• Teri's cousin Tim and his wife Kathie
• A couple of young parishioners who are dating: Samantha and Frank

What a wonderful time.  Melissa nearly choked at dinner and we had to clean up her plate.  (Okay, that wasn't so wonderful.)  After dinner and dessert I nearly made Tim shoot Pepsi out his nose with a timely and witty (evidently) observation.  But the company was wonderful, the food a hit, and it was just a really lovely evening.

Now, turkey soup on the stove.  Life of Pi in 3D this afternoon.

Happy Thanksgiving, my love.

I can't tell you how much your apology this morning meant to me.  It is so hard feeling distant from you. This feels so much nicer.

Thanksgiving weekend

As Father Dave acknowledged the challenges we face amid the many blessings for which we are so grateful, I immediately thought of my bride beside me, for whom Thanksgiving is still strongly associated with the death of both of her parents, two years apart from each other and just two short years since Dad passed away.  Then, before moving on from consideration of those negatives we must sometimes deal with during otherwise heartwarming holidays, I again encountered a passing thought of that terrible Thanksgiving weekend so long ago, on which a boy's last vestiges of innocence were obliterated.  My friend's visit to New York this weekend had already prompted a faint reminder yesterday.

Yet I find in the memory the knowledge that God was with me in the midst of it, as he has been all along the way, as he supports me spiritually and through the love of my dearest family and closest friends.

Thank you, my Lord.

Tell me *why*.

I really hope you don't think that last night is over.  I sure don't.

I don't know what is going on with you.  If you're just in a bad mood, tell me so.  But if so, stop taking it out on me.

Seriously.  I may not have always deserved better than this, but I do now.

Okay, I know you're temporarily gimpy, but

when I ask you where to put your exercise elastic, an acceptable answer is not "where it was" when where it was was in the middle of the stairs that your guests will have to walk up tonight and our guests will have to walk up on Thursday.

Of course, I'd probably better move it before you see where I put it when you wouldn't give me any ideas.  I don't really think "on your pillow" is a better solution.

Living for oneself

I'm concerned about writing this when I'm not actually in trouble, for fear of inducing panic in someone.  On the other hand, I could never write it when things seem bleak.

There's a difference between the selfish way most people talk about living for themselves and what I mean by it.  I'm not referring to advice given by both well-intended counselors and hedonists - which can be appropriate or outrageously egocentric - that a person should generally do what is best for themselves.  This is more like how they misconstrue the snippet from Polonius' maxim-laden (and, I contend, comic relief) advice to Laertes: to thine own self be true.  I'm of the opinion that the adage, in general usage and Polonius' intent, referred more to remaining true to one's honorable standards in the face of others' lesser ones.

But what I mean when I reflect that I'm still not really living for myself is the difference between what several Suicide Prevention Center posts talk about - '"consider how much it will hurt your loved ones" - and the longer-term goal of simply living for the joy of my own life.  I've gotten pretty good at the first over the last couple of decades, but am still not very good at the latter.  In the midst of darkness, thinking of others can help a desperate person to realize that there are other truths of their life than the immediate circumstances which seem so overwhelming.  But once the immediate crisis has passed, I'm convinced that we must reach a point at which we're no longer primarily preserving our lives primarily for the sake of others.

The habit of choosing to continue living for the sake of our loved ones is important, but can only carry us so far.

A quibble about Flight *SPOILER (of the worst sort)*

(I really think that this sort of observation is more revealing than any specific details would be.)

I've been reflecting on how this movie blindsided me, and it finally occurs to me that this had to have been intentional.  Do the director and the studio wish to mislead the addicted into an experience that they build their whole lives around trying to avoid, one that might motivate them to deal with their own issues?  If so, I suppose I can't feel too angry with them for basically lying to the public regarding what this movie is.  But the trailers and advertising definitely created the impression that this movie was about something very different - and less important, really, to most people - from what it ultimately brought home so powerfully.

As an ACA, though, I wish I could have made my own choice whether to see this movie, as opposed to the one they advertised.

Internal monologue

This thought has to go:

"They love me in spite of myself."

Flight - **SPOILERS AHEAD**

The scenario was completely ridiculous and utterly manipulative.  It would have been next to impossible for housekeeping to not notice that they failed to close the adjoining room's side of the connecting door when they shot the bolt, and the likelihood that they'd have left balcony door open, too, so that the banging of the dead bolt against the door plate would have caught the pilot's attention.  Still, as soon as the camera revealed that the door was open, everyone in the theater thought of the fully-stocked minibar in the next room.  Of course the pilot noticed it, too.  Of course he selected one of the miniatures (premium vodka), slowly opened it, inhaled its aroma.  Of course he then put the lid back on it, placed it on the counter and turned away from it.  As the camera zoomed in on that little bottle, the tension in the theater was palpable as they hoped against hope that he would make the right decision.  Obviously most of these people never lived with an alcoholic, or they wouldn't have gasped as his hand came into view, snatching the bottle up.

So much of this movie reminded me of my dad.  But if he ever experienced the protagonist's eventual moment of finally saying, "enough of this!" it was right before he put the bullet into his brain.

When he was in his subsequent AA meeting, he described that moment of knowing he just couldn't lie anymore.  I could relate to that in a completely different way.

This was a very hard movie for me to watch.

If I'd been sitting on the end I'd have walked out, but it was worth sticking it out.

Today's word, but not here

I don't generally like to post words-of-the-day that I already know here, unless they ended up leading me to other related words I didn't know, so I'm not sharing today's here either (okay, ratiocination, to keep from having to click through). But took me a moment to realize that it wasn't a repeat.  I recognized it right away from just a couple years ago, when it was listed as a trending word on M-W's site because of a couple of reviewers who used it to describe the then newly-released Sherlock Holmes movie with Robert Downey Jr. (which is probably the iteration of Holmes which relies on the process the least.)

And the beat goes on . . .

I guess it's probably a good thing that this sort of story is more common than it used to be.  I'm convinced this doesn't mean it's happening more often, just that it's being reported more.  I'm also glad to see that it isn't just the sports-related ones that make the news - although this is obviously not going national, as it shouldn't - and that everyone is being so careful to protect the survivors' privacy, which should encourage others to come forward with such allegations.

At the same time, the specific grooming pattern and the location here are both painfully familiar, and makes this particular story hit very close to home emotionally as well as geographically.

And I'm a little stupidly jealous.

Even though I've forgiven him, I find I must make the decision to forgive once again.

Visiting Middle Earth

I haven't read The Lord of the Rings in entirely too long.  This time, I'm trying to make myself slow down on the descriptive and poetic parts that I think I've probably skimmed over too much to fully appreciate in the past, eager to move on to what happens next.

I still have a hard time slowing down for all of the Tom Bombadil section, though!

Runnin' on . . .

Lookin' out at the road rushin' under my wheels - Jackson Browne, Running on Empty

Between craziness at work and extra busyness at home, I am definitely just maintaining, at this point.  I'm resenting the former, and embracing the latter, and sleeping every minute I'm in bed.

Today's words

eructation \ih-ruk-TAY-shun\ - an act or instance of belching

I think I knew this word, once.

borborygmus \bor-buh-RIG-mus\ (plural bor·bo·ryg·mi) - intestinal rumbling caused by moving gas

But I didn't know this one.

Today's word

biddable \BID-uh-bul\ - 1. easily led, taught, or controlled : docile  2. capable of being bid

I knew definition 2, of course, but not the first one.  In this sense, "'biddable' is often applied to children and indicates a ready, constant inclination to follow orders, requests, and suggestions." - www.merriam-webster.com

What a weekend

It was filled with a mixture of challenges and blessings, with the greatest of the latter being the chance to care for my bride.  Have done a pretty good job of keeping up with the inside and outside chores and the caregiving, and have managed some time to relax, too.

The only negative, and I could be misreading because she wasn't feeling very well today, is that I think my choir director might be upset with me.

So *that* was his problem

Dad must have been part croc . . .

Actually, dad was pretty smart.  Just broken.

Apparently instead of inheriting his alcoholism I only got his resumé writing skills.

A note to everyone:

You realize that I have a lifeline, and that as much as I love our relationship, you're not it, right?

Why they hate us

This morning, shortly before I awoke, I found myself in a remote Muslim community such as the type you'd see depicted on the news or in one of our television programs, in a small desert village with a dusty courtyard.  It couldn't have been more stereotyped, but then, it was a dream from my brain, so what else would I expect?  Let me say from the outset that this post is not a defense of Islam as a religion or especially of intolerance or terrorism as actions, nor an effort to condemn our own culture and actions, but just an attempt to articulate what I seemed to understand upon waking.

In my dream, I approached one of the men who sat on the ground outside a low building, and we had a frank and open discussion.  I can't remember much of the actual conversation, but on waking I am struck with a greater understanding of the conflict between Islam and the west, and particularly my own nation, which practices an imperialism of culture and values greater than any Britain ever practiced politically.

They do not hate us for our freedom, in the way our President understands it.  In my dream, I understood that they, too, value free will, and the ability to choose.  They may not have been able to exercise it in forming democracy the way that we have, but that isn't what bothers them.  Rather, it is the fact that we have elevated it to the status of a god to be obeyed above all others.  In our own terms, liberty has become the chief idol to which we bow down in violation of our own first commandment.  They view obedience to the will of God, of Allah, as more important than freedom, yet even those of us who believe in God seem to insist on defending the right of others to offend God, and those who don't believe insist that nothing should interfere with their right to choose whatever they wish, so long as there is no serious harm to others in it as they define harm.

I may be naive in this belief, but I imagine that, at the founding of our nation, the concept of freedom and liberty were primarily about our freedom to do what is right. Now I realize that good people can differ considerably on their opinion about what is "right," or about what actions should be taken to further its cause. Still, when we talk about liberty today we seem more focused on what is "best for me," as I define it for myself.  This shift in focus has driven our society to stop considering what is right in favor of merely avoiding what is wrong, then defining wrong according to the terms that best fit our desired course of action. Now it may seem as if I'm going afield here, so let me start to circle back. It seemed to me, on waking from my dream, that the issue which Islam would have with us is not merely our disagreement regarding right and wrong, but our insistence that accepting other's own view of right and wrong is the hallmark of civilized society. It isn't just that some people think it's okay to burn the Koran, or use our sexuality for titillation and entertainment, or take advantage of others. It is at least equally our insistence on allowing people to offend in these ways and others, if they wish, without repercussions.

(It seems to me that this is related to my previous post about democracy and faith, somehow.)

So what I realized for the first time, upon waking from my dream, is that their frustration with us is not so much that we are free as with the way we allow our liberty to become a license to perform and tolerate acts that they consider deplorable and depraved. We value liberty more highly than the things they think are more important, and arrogantly insist that they are backward if they do not agree. We insist that they must change the attitudes and values that bring them into conflict with us, without being willing to even examine the things that offend them.

And yet I am still not suggesting that the burden of stopping terrorism committed in the name of Islam, for instance, is in changing who we are. I am still just trying to understand where someone who views it as an acceptable approach might be coming from, knowing that I will never agree with their conclusion. I believe that terrorism committed for any reason is rooted in the control issues I have previously considered.

Closer, but still not finished.

It isn't exactly a boycott

Okay, here's the thing about the song I'm not singing.  It's completely empty of anything of value to me in my walk - no praise and worship, no discipleship, no comforting reassurance, even - but that alone wouldn't keep me from supporting the choir. But what it is full of, for the second consecutive octavo, is plaintive longing for heaven. 

I can only sing about that so much right now.

Democracy and faith

A young FB friend yesterday was soliciting a ride to the polls from "anyone who's voting for" the same guy he was planning to vote for.  I was kind of confused by the request: wouldn't he accept a ride from someone who was voting for the other guy?  Or did he not expect he could get a ride from someone who was?

Maybe we have citizens who would withhold transportation from someone who they felt would "cancel out their vote," but I'd hope that the majority would invest more faith in the democratic process than in their ability to control it.  I get concerned, sometimes, that we have some groups of people who think that lower participation in the election is a good thing.

I think that attitude is a combination of elitism and lack of trust.  It isn't so much that I trust the citizenry to make the right choice; we see people make a variety of choices in everyday life that are obviously not right, rooted in their self-interest at the expense of others or in common misunderstandings of how things really work.  Elections are often no different, and the electorate largely seems to make its collective decisions based on a world view that I make a conscious choice to reject, thereby finding truth that I could not recognize otherwise. But - at the risk of seeming like a religious nut who "sees the Virgin Mary in the grass over the septic tank" (thanks for the image, Bill Maher) - I trust God to be at work in and through the world, including when others make decisions that I don't agree with.  Salvation history is replete with examples in which the actions of one person or one group of people in the grand scheme of things turn out to have very different meanings than they intend.  (assuming, of course, that there really is such a thing as the grand scheme of things.)

So maintaining my own peace of mind and spirit over our national direction is a matter of taking God at his word, which says very clearly that he has ordained all authority.  In a democracy, there must be a degree of submitting control of things beyond me (that is, beyond my own decisions; none of us has true control of our circumstances) to the will of others.  We have the perfect example of this in God himself, who as the omnipotent creator of the universe submits to the free will with which he has endowed us.

Any vitriolic response such as I am seeing from some friends is rooted in the frustration of wanting to exercise control in ways that go beyond our actual realm of control.

Those who fail to learn from history . . .

I can't even tell you how far back the pattern goes.  Certainly it predates my stepfather's influence in my life, but he sure honed it to perfection:

RESIST!

reSIST!

Resist.

resist

resist

resist

yield

(repeat)

It must not be so any longer.  It feels different now, but I must do whatever it takes to make sure that it actually is.  That this one would be less destructive than the worst is irrelevant.  It would still hurt terribly, and I will not.

Acknowledging while resisting

Even as I stay away from the influences that may have put the idea into my head, I find my unconscious mind still conjuring up images in my sleep, and in those first moments when I stir in the morning, that I must set aside in order to live the life to which I am called.

It is important, I think, not to let fear be a driving force that keeps me from acknowledging or even recognizing this side of myself, as that would not be healthy.  Yet, neither would embracing it and following wherever it leads.

Anti-"thing" vs. anti-"thingism"

I just read a quote from a left-wing humorist pundit dismissing a significant part of the Republican party as being an "anti-intellectual, anti-science freak show."

I have nothing against intelligence.  I have a serious problem with people who elevate this to the status of virtue, in and of itself.  Like any other talent or gift, it can be used well or poorly, and can be raised to an inappropriate level of esteem.

So I like intelligence, but am anti-intellectualism, the idea that intelligence is the answer to our problems.

I like rationality.  I am anti-rationalism.

I like emotion.  I am anti-emotionalism.

(I like alcohol. I'm anti-alcoholism.)

etc.

If it weren't for the people I love . . .

. . . I was ready to quit three different ways today.  Lunch time was really rough, coming out of this morning's meeting, and I could have used some company to help with my perspective.  Instead my bride was out working, a one-morning child care gig, and I made due with considering how soon I'll be visiting our sweet ones, finding in that thought the strength to press on.

Today's words

gorgonize \GOR-guh-nyze\ - to have a paralyzing or mesmerizing effect on : stupefy, petrify

maieutic \may-YOO-tik\ - relating to or resembling the Socratic method of eliciting new ideas from another

A floodgate of words of the day not already in my vocabulary over the last week.

old stuff

it's amazing how a well-meaning invitation to an event about one thing i survived and have dealt with from my childhood has awakened an awareness of another that i've never really processed properly.

i was supposed to take care of her.

and i didn't.

come to think of it, that applies to something I have processed to death, too.

A homily for me to be a little wary of

Fr. Dave's homily this morning was interesting.  I'm as skeptical of near-death experiences as the author of the article he read from used to be.  As encouraging as the overall message was, and even with the strength of its testimony boosted by the scientific support of the author's experience, I still have to really watch out for the third part of the message the author shared, this idea that we can do nothing wrong.  I think it's dangerous, especially in the context of the rest of the author's experience, both in general and for me specifically.

Because I still sometimes feel so daunted by the life I see ahead of me, it isn't healthy for me to think too much about how wonderful the next place is going to be without the corresponding understanding that my choices along the way have an effect on that.  It isn't that I have any illusion of having to pay my own fare, mind you, but I think I need to believe that my choices affect things beyond what I can see, including what my experience of eternity may prove to be.

Loss

When the sun slipped below the horizon, it was not only the day that died and the poor zebra, but my family as well.  With that second sunset, disbelief gave way to pain and grief.  They were dead; I could no longer deny it.  What a thing to acknowledge in your heart!  To lose a brother is to lose someone with whom you can share the experience of growing old, who is supposed to bring you a sister-in-law and nieces and nephews, creatures to people the tree of your live and give it new branches . . . Life of Pi

The protagonist proceeds to briefly reflect on what it means to lose a supportive father, to which I could unfortunately not relate so well (would that I could), and a mother, which is way worse in childhood than as a middle-aged adult (as I was when my mom died).  But as for this passage: I'm glad I didn't read this last weekend, when I was already so filled with missing my sister.  Still, he doesn't touch on what I miss most about her - just having someone who remembers when, with whom you shared childhood's best moments, who was with you as you survived its greatest dysfunctionality.

Yet all of these reveal a great thing to realize about grief: as much as it hurts to lose someone, even when we think we're hurting for them, we're usually really hurting for ourselves.  That's okay; I don't think it's selfish or that it makes us shallow.  (I hope?  Maybe I'm just so narcissistic that I think everyone shares this egocentricity?)  It's just good for us to bear in mind, even while we're hurting, to help keep us from descending further into it than is healthy for us.

Today's word

sequacious \sih-KWAY-shus\ - intellectually servile

You aren't referring to me, are you?

Q time?

Time?  It certainly was time together.  Q?  Well, the first part of the evening, when we played a game together for the first time in weeks, was nice.  The rest of it was mostly just time in the same room.  Is that the same thing for you?  'Cause it kind of isn't for me.  Don't get me wrong, though: it was better than time not in the same room.

It isn't that I'm complaining about the evening, actually.  It was pleasant enough.  I'm just concerned that our relationship has devolved to a point where that passes any test of a quality evening.  We deserve better than this, and I wish you thought so, too.

Now, I'm not going to be satisfied with just posting this here where you'll probably never see it and lamenting our condition.  (When is the last time you've read this?)  But I probably also will not be this blunt as I try to raise our quality standards back to where they belong. (I imagine that I feel a little like how the American auto industry must have felt a few decades ago, when they finally realized just how far they'd slipped . . . )

Today's word

agon \AH-gahn\ -  conflict; especially : the dramatic conflict between the chief characters in a literary work

I should have known this one already.

Also, two new ones within a week.  woo hoo.