Just the refrain

I can't connect at all with the rest of the song at this stage and status of my life, but the refrain really resonates with me:

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
                                         - Goo Goo Dolls

Tangentially related: I'm a little worried about this reunion. Some blissfully ignorant classmate is going to bloviate about how Dr. Ford has forgotten who freakin' assaulted her, and I'm just not going to be able to keep my mouth shut. (How it's related: I don't want the world to see me . . . It isn't my job to make myself vulnerable to them just to fix their ignorance, as if I could.)

The Yearning

This song we've used in choir before and are practicing again is an interesting piece for me emotionally. We pull it out, and the empty yearning within my heart threatens to rip away my mask and let my tears flow. But its resolution in the refrain reminds me that every heart is yearning for our Savior, no matter what else we posit as the object of our yearning.

Today's words

spalpeen /spal-ˈpēn , spȯl-/ - chiefly Irish  : rascal

portamento /ˌpȯr-tə-ˈmen-(ˌ)tō/ - a continuous gliding movement from one tone to another (as by the voice)

I suppose I've been the first, and have often done the second.

One of my favorite songs from The Way of the Cross (again) this year:

Mercy

Susan Bentall Boersma

Craig Courtney

I dare not lift my guilty eyes
I hide my lips in trembling shame
And in the darkness of my soul
I shrink from Your rekindling flame

Kyrie eleison.
Kyrie eleison.
Have mercy.

In mercy cover me with grace
and blot out my iniquity
Renew my heart, and wash me clean
Grant with Your pardon purity.

Kyrie eleison.
Kyrie eleison.
Have mercy.

In equal measure of Your love, You promise mercy

Tender compassion to the one who seeks Your face

A broken heart, a fainting soul, a contrite spirit

together cry for Your forgiveness

Against You only have I sinned

My deeds are evil in your sight

Of Your forgiveness let me sing

And in my singing take delight

Kyrie eleison.

Kyrie eleison.

Have mercy.

Have mercy.

Have mercy.

Thank you, Susan and Craig, for this incredible song.

40 years ago right now

I was walking through Philadelphia to get back to our hotel room, because the bus wasn't running this late on Thanksgiving night.  It was cold, but not excessively so. I was more uncomfortable walking through a strange city alone than from the temperature.

It was a very good concert. I don't know what I'd expected, but I was disappointed that they back-tracked the choral section of Bohemian Rhapsody.

40 years ago right now

I was enjoying Queen at The Spectrum. I think I took the bus there, but am not sure; perhaps my future stepfather dropped me off.  If I wasn't buzzed yet, i would be soon, when a fellow attendee shared. No, this is not a fond memory. I hate that I have drug use in my past.

That was way fun

Very nice gig last night at the UD president's residence. I had a flutist working with me, no vocals. The play list was pretty diverse:

Pachelbel Canon
Let it Be
Canticle of the Turning
Ode to Joy
If
Simple Gifts
Greensleeves
The Rainbow Connection
Good Good Father
The Pink Panther

And about twice as many more in the same vein.

Way fun!

Ouch

Doesn't mean that much to me
To mean that much to you. - Neil Young, Old Man

More on The Way of The Cross

I had hoped to share this evening with a friend who is leaving, but it wasn't to be. In fact, none of the people I personally invited came.

I felt so humbled to realize how the prayers and reflections which I was blessed to play a role in writing still continue to resonate even eight or nine years later. I don't remember exactly when we rewrote our service, but I know we did the new version for at least two seasons before our friends Matt and Ellie left.

Several songs really struck me this time. I can't believe I never really paid any attention to the Latin lyrics to Adoramus te Christe, which of course we repeat in English at the beginning of each station: Adoramus te Christe, et benedicimus tibi, quia per santam crucem tuam redemisti mundum. We adore you, O Christ, and we bless you, because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

I love singing the Chanticleer Ave Maria, and especially having enough strong men's voices to do it justice.

The pieces that most "hit me where I live" seemed to be Mercy (by Craig Courtney), and Song of Surrender (Hodge, Lantz).

It felt as if I finally reentered into the season of Lent. I'd allowed personal events this season to really knock me off course.

A favorite thing

Praying The Way of The Cross with Jubilee tonight. I love this.

Today's image and songs

As I was praying this morning, I had an image in my mind - pretty sure this was not anything like a vision inspired by the Holy Spirit - of a man falling a great distance from the deck of a large ship in the middle of the ocean. It called to mind the old Styx song Man in the Wilderness. from the album that launched them into the mainstream. Styx memories are always a mixed bag for me, invoking reminders of my sister and my own self-centeredness. I still have to watch out for the latter.

Then finished up my morning routine thinking of See Me, Feel Me.

Lyrics from movies

Perhaps I'm the fool she takes me for
And not anything more. - Lyle Lovett

I must be in a newish place

The only song I've ever heard three times on Excursions: The Three of Me. The first time, it smacked me upside my head. The second time I listened more closely, and later looked up the lyrics and blogged about it. Today it came on while I was power napping with the radio volume on its lowest setting, and it woke me just enough to call me back to work.

I hope that its lack of effect on me this time might mean that the man I was doesn't still have the prominent place in me that I had given him for too long.

The other song . . .

. . . that really spoke to me last week:

REFRAIN:
Help me, Lord. I am in need,
reaching out to You.
Call to me with Your own voice,
The voice that I once knew.

In my darkest night I wait for You,
Longing to be free
Let me hear my name by Your own voice
Calling out to me.  

All around me, Lord, is darkness
Drawing me away.
Bring me back you. Just call my name.
Show me, Lord, Your way. 

When I reach for you, I tremble, Lord.
I am filled with fear.
Will you hold me, Lord, in Your embrace,
Wrapping me with care?  

 - Jerry Galipeau, Help Me, Lord, WLP

I have been very comforted to discover that the answer to that last question is always "yes."

It's a good sign . . .

 . . . when the new pastoral associate for music ministry sacrifices a half hour of her first rehearsal so that we could pray a really awesome evensong together!

The Three of Me

This is the second time I've heard this song at lunch time. The last was months ago, and I thought I blogged on it then, but can't find it on a quick search.

It's a little too vague to be very powerful, but then again, it's vague enough to let a variety of people relate to it. Part of it is completely inapplicable: I don't think I've lost anyone's love over this, as the refrain says. Yet there isn't room in my life for the three of me, either. If I let the man I was consume my self-image, he will quickly destroy both the man I am and the man I want to be.

Catch-22

Late last month, I was pseudo-invited to lead worship for a charismatic Mass at an area church tonight. I lost track of time a little, and when I followed up with the organizer to make sure that the music ministry needs were covered he indicated that they are. Then one of my fellow parishioners chimed in with a request that I bring my guitar and help lead worship. Unfortunately, things don't just work that way, especially with the folks who are most likely leading tonight. I love them and their music selections, but their key signature choices usually prevent me from singing melody on anything. It's a family ministry, and the mom is an alto who can't sing harmony. As a result, they're always choosing lower key signatures than a mid-range male or female is usually comfortable in. Not to mention: they didn't ask me to join them.

So I'm going to this Mass tonight, knowing that I will probably struggle to sing and that I'm going to face questions about why I'm not in the music ministry. But that will feel better than not going and supporting this event, of which we don't have enough in town.

(After report: the music ministry wasn't who I was expecting. I was able to sing out on everything! What a nice Mass!)

The Way of the Cross, 2016

It seemed like longer since we'd been together, but Jubilee just completed our first Way of the Cross season since 2013. It was an abbreviated season, two services on one weekend only, but what a blessing! So many new people, and the power and energy of the larger group was wonderful. The prayers and reflections were still very effective, even a half-dozen years after we updated them. My coworker who attended was deeply moved, and observed that she was surprised by how spot-on the text was: neither so deep as to be inaccessible nor too simplistic, and bringing the historical events into personal context.

I loved the new music that our director brought in. Song of Surrender was perfect for the third fall, and Mercy would have been a great selection even without this year being the Extraordinary Jubilee of Mercy.

Potential improvements: I was a touch disappointed to see that the program contained a (very nice) prayer in place of the translation of Mozart's Ave Verum Corpus, which we sang for the third station. And I didn't realize until Friday night that we'd selected three of the first four songs in foreign languages, the first station in Greek, and the third and fourth both in Latin.

I missed all those who couldn't join with us, but no one more than Loretta. Her last gift to Jubilee was our reunion in ministry.

Incarnation

6/8 Intro/Interlude: |D  A G  D|Bm  |D  A G  D  |F#m 
  A       |D        |A        |D  A   G  D  |(F#m) A     |
Imagine a time, one moment containing ev-ry mo  -  ment
D                        |A      |G          Em       |Bm     |
Poignant, mundane, breathtaking, heartrending  and sublime
     |Em     F#m   |Bm7         |Em       A    |Bm7sus4 Bm7  |
Each joy and every sorrow every heart has ever known
G        Em      |Asus4  A   
Touch upon God's timelessness

Interlude

Picture a |place so |open  it|reaches every |place
from vast |galaxies down to |leptons which our |senses can't per|ceive
|Mountaintops and deep |oceans, shining |stars and prison |cells
Im|merse in God's sacred |presence

Refrain:
     |G   Em     F#m         |Em   A/C#    Bm   |
O my God, You're beyond all imag  - in  -  ing
          Em           Gm          |Bm          
though we struggle and yearn to conceive
      |G   Em    F#m        |Em  A/C#   Bm  
You reveal yourself in your love for    us
        |G          A         |Interlude
Give us hearts that burn to believe

Con|ceive of every con|ception every |one has ever |fathomed
Phi|losophies and in|ventions, |plots, ideas and |schemes 
Each |wonder science dis|covers and |mysteries not yet re|vealed  |
Marvel at God's |boundless mind

Interlude

Consider a |love so |giving it |begs us all to |enter  |
Bearing each hurt and |betrayal, re|turning forgiveness and |peace   |
Shining great light in deep |darkness, bringing |hope to those in des|pair   |
Fall |into God's |loving arms

Refrain

Bridge:
G             Em              |G            A     |
  Since we're told that we're made in God's image
G        Em         |G       A     |
  We assign God our image as well
G          Em              |G            A        
  Bound by physics, space, time, and our feelings
    |G             Em    |G                 |Asus4   |A Tacet 
our minds cannot hope to grasp all that God is

But know this small |child, one |infant who |touches every |person For|saking the glory  of |heaven to be|come as one of |us     |
Born to deliver, by |dying and rising, |all people unto him|self
Come |enter God's |very life

Refrain

© 2015, LifeKnell Music Ministry; All rights reserved.

Incarnation

(edited 10/10)
At last I think I have finished this song about which I was so excited when I started it, nearly two years ago. It turns out that I needed time away from it to get out of my own way, to figure out how to rework the lyrics so that, while they may actually seem more awkward (at the end of each verse and the bridge) to read, the music and therefore the entire song now flow much better, and the parallelism between the verses is vastly improved. I also have a tentative title that I like at least a little.

I am highly indebted to the motivational influence of other wonderful songwriters. I was inspired to start this song after hearing the talented members of the Heider family share their music in a house concert. I was moved to revisit it after rehearsing for the first time with Keri Edwards, Kris Krumal and Nic Cardilino to accompany their wonderful songwriters' concert.

This is, of course, too long, and way heady, but there is a point to both of these shortcomings, as it's so broad in what it attempts to convey (which may literally be the understatement of all time and eternity).


Incarnation

Imagine a time: one moment containing every moment
Poignant, mundane, breathtaking, heartrending and sublime
Each joy and every sorrow every heart has ever known
Touch upon God's timelessness

Picture a place so open it reaches every place
from vast galaxies down to leptons which our senses can't perceive
Mountaintops and deep oceans, shining stars and prison cells
Immerse in God's sacred presence

Refrain:
O my God, you're beyond all imagining
though we struggle and yearn to conceive
You reveal yourself in your love for us
Give us hearts that burn to believe

Conceive of every conception everyone has ever fathomed
Philosophies and inventions, plots, ideas and schemes
Each wonder science discovers and mysteries not yet revealed
Marvel at God's boundless mind

Consider a love so giving it begs us all to enter
Bearing each hurt and betrayal, returning forgiveness and peace
Shining great light in deep darkness, bringing hope to those in despair
Fall into God's loving arms

Refrain

Bridge:
Since we're told that we're made in God's image
We assign God our image as well
Bound by physics, space, time and our feelings
Our minds cannot hope to grasp all that God is

But know this small child, one infant who touches every person
Forsaking the glory of heaven to become as one of us
Born to deliver, by dying and rising, all people unto himself
Come enter God's very life

Refrain

© 2014, 2015, LifeKnell Music Ministry; All rights reserved.