I'm convinced that one of our greatest fears -- behind public speaking, if the hype on that one is true -- is to not be in control. While this fear often goes unrecognized, I believe it is at the root of nearly every obsession in our lives, in one way or another, and drives more decision making than we would ever like to admit. I could write volumes on this idea.
The appropriate recognition and exercise of control is one of the keys to an emotionally healthy life. The fruitless attempt to control things that are really beyond our control drives most familial dysfunctions, and a failure to control our own actions properly drives most addictive behaviors. In my experience, these two unhealthy approaches to life -- the attempt to control what we cannot and the inability to control what we should -- frequently coexist. It would be worth spending some more time on that, but this post isn't going there.
I always thought that once our children grew into adults my wife and I would have almost universal control over our schedules. I envisioned having the kids and grandkids over regularly, babysitting occasionally, but mostly having our time to ourselves. That has happened, to a degree; I generally have time to cycle a couple days a week (in season), and we don't have to make sure our kids are taken care of as we make whatever plans we're interested in. Still, I envisioned that most weekends the two of us would have most of our time to ourselves.
What a foolish dream that is turning out to be!
On Friday night, our youngest called to ask if we could watch her two (18 months and 1 month) for a few hours. My wife and I had an understanding that we wouldn't babysit Saturday because of planned activities Sunday morning at church, so seeing as the rest of the weekend was looking open, we agreed.
Ahh, but on Saturday afternoon, our oldest called us from the hospital. She'd been admitted again for the chronic health problem she's been dealing with since she was 12 or so. Her youngest two (3½ and a young 6) needed someone to stay with while Dad worked. In such circumstances, we wouldn't say no unless it was clear that they were taking advantage of us rather than using a more appropriate option. The kids finally got picked up around 7 Sunday evening.
Our grandkids are a great blessing. They're mostly well-behaved. We're glad to be in a position to spend time with them. Still, come Saturday, it was important for us to make the decision to watch them, to realize that we were choosing to have them over, to avoid feeling out of control. The truth is that we could have put our foot down and refused to help out, or begrudingly agreed and thus felt put out. But in these circumstances, either of these options would have meant choosing to be other than the people we want to be.
Control over our circumstances is an illusion. We have absolutely no control over our daughters' health. But recognizing the control we have over the decisions we make in response to our circumstances, and exercising that control appropriately, is essential. We were able to be patient and loving with our grandchildren, to respond to them effectively all weekend, since we didn't feel out of control, because we recognized we'd made the best decision -- even if it was an obvious one.
Ahh, but when our youngest asked us to babysit again tonight (Sunday), after the weekend we've had? We had the insight to recognize that we needed to choose otherwise.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Finding the sacred amidst the familiar
This Sunday's gospel reading will be the conclusion of the narrative of Jesus reading from the prophet Isaiah in his hometown synagogue. His neighbors, knowing his roots (including, one would presume, his scandalous birth circumstances), were a tad skeptical of the stories they'd heard of him from abroad, and his response to their skepticism further roused their ire against him.
It makes me consider who, in my life, I think I know so well that I quickly dismiss them without considering whether God may be speaking to me somehow through them. I believe God uses the circumstances of our lives, especially our relationships with those around us, in remarkable ways. I also believe we miss a lot of the messages for failure to value the vessels through whom they are given us.
It makes me consider who, in my life, I think I know so well that I quickly dismiss them without considering whether God may be speaking to me somehow through them. I believe God uses the circumstances of our lives, especially our relationships with those around us, in remarkable ways. I also believe we miss a lot of the messages for failure to value the vessels through whom they are given us.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Super Bowl menu
In recent years, we've nurtured a tradition of planning the dinner menu for Super Bowl Sunday around the teams in the game. Some years present a bounty of options; other years, not so much. The Bills introduced us to Buffalo wings, the Bengals to Cincinnati-style chili, and the 49'ers to sourdough bread. New England has been a boon. Pittsburgh was a bit of a challenge; I can't even remember how we represented them, besides Heinz condiments. My all time favorite was definitely SB XXXV: crab cakes for the main entreé, with an authentic NY style cheesecake for dessert (the latter was nearly as good as the family recipe, though completely different in style).
But as nearly as I can tell, there is a serious dearth of signature food items for Chicago and Indianapolis -- an additional reason I was rooting for the Saints! Fortunately, I have the first of the two covered. After all, Chicago is the home of deep dish pizza, and there's a Pizzeria Uno within 6 miles of our house. Still, we've been to Chicago and, like most of the locals I know there, our definite preference is for Giordano's stuffed pizza. Oh, how I want to order from there, but the additional shipping cost may lead us to fall back on Uno's.
Preliminary research indicates that the "signature" items for Indianapolis (or, more generally, for Indiana) are breaded pork tenderloin sandwiches and sugar cream pie. The latter should be doable, I'd think. Any Hoosiers (is there another term for someone from Indiana? Indianans just doesn't seem right!), feel free to leave suggestions, especially if you have a particularly delectable recipe for sugar cream pie!
But as nearly as I can tell, there is a serious dearth of signature food items for Chicago and Indianapolis -- an additional reason I was rooting for the Saints! Fortunately, I have the first of the two covered. After all, Chicago is the home of deep dish pizza, and there's a Pizzeria Uno within 6 miles of our house. Still, we've been to Chicago and, like most of the locals I know there, our definite preference is for Giordano's stuffed pizza. Oh, how I want to order from there, but the additional shipping cost may lead us to fall back on Uno's.
Preliminary research indicates that the "signature" items for Indianapolis (or, more generally, for Indiana) are breaded pork tenderloin sandwiches and sugar cream pie. The latter should be doable, I'd think. Any Hoosiers (is there another term for someone from Indiana? Indianans just doesn't seem right!), feel free to leave suggestions, especially if you have a particularly delectable recipe for sugar cream pie!
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Reflections on Psalm 19
We're singing this Psalm this weekend, so I found myself reflecting on it this morning. Random thoughts:
Lord, you have the words of everlasting life: I don't know (without looking it up) if this refrain we're singing is an actual verse of the psalm or merely an added responsory. Still, it seems worth an observation. It represents the disciples' response to Jesus when many followers had left him because his words were too cryptic or challenging for them. This is also true: "Lord, You are the Word of everlasting life."
The law of the Lord is perfect: We will never find a way that is superior to God's perfect Way. We worship what we think of as our superior intellect, without realizing we are not intellectually more developed than our ancestors of whom we read. We may be more learned, more technologically advanced, and more civilized, but we aren't any smarter, and we would do well to recall this from time to time. God's word isn't any less applicable than it has ever been, either, or any less perfect.
. . . refreshing the soul: Considering the perfection of God, our fundamental need for him, and, most particularly, the fact that God will never fail to meet that need for us, is indeed the refreshment for which our souls long. Though we look to slake our thirst with all sorts of other pursuits and pleasures, God alone refreshes us.
The Lord's rule is to be trusted: We insist on trusting only ourselves, when our judgment (on our own) is least trustworthy. Our vision is clouded by our emotions, our wants, our hurts and fears. The Lord's rule and guidance are reliable where our self-determination is flawed.
The simple find Wisdom: Society would dispute it, but simple faith is of greater value than our greatest sophistication.
The fear of the Lord is holy: There's that phrase "fear of the Lord" that is so off-putting. If only we would fear offending or hurting God as much as we fear so many other circumstances in our lives.
. . . abiding forever: When we dwell in God, we find our eternal home.
The command of the Lord is clear: When we choose our own way, it is rarely for failure to see God's way. The path God sets before us is usually very straightforward. But since our faith is usually in ourselves, we too often choose our own evaluation, our own wants, instead of the clear guidance God has given us.
giving light to the eye: I just came from our second graders' first Reconciliation service. The image of the light of Christ, and of restoring that light when we have chosen darkness, was powerful. The Way which God sets before us is illuminated and illuminating. We may not always see the second step ahead of us, but the first one is generally well lit, and we need only trust that the next one will be when we get there, too.
the precepts of the Lord are right: We want to decide right and wrong for ourselves, but no amount of self-deterministic morality will ever lead us in right paths. God's Word, particularly as manifested in Christ Jesus, will not lead us anywhere else.
they gladden the heart: When we embrace God's guidance, we find the desires of our heart fulfilled. (Sometimes that's because our desires have changed to match God's!)
The decrees of the Lord are true: I've been alluding to the Way, but let's not forget Jesus said he is the Truth, too.
. . . all of them just: In our society, we tend to doubt this. We see some which we think cannot be just. But will we trust our own judgment, or will we seek a way to conform ours to God's?
They are worth more than the finest gold: No treasure we can possess can ever rival the gift of knowing and living God's will.
. . . sweeter than honey from the comb: God's desire for us is far sweeter than our greatest ambition for ourselves!
Lord, you have the words of everlasting life: I don't know (without looking it up) if this refrain we're singing is an actual verse of the psalm or merely an added responsory. Still, it seems worth an observation. It represents the disciples' response to Jesus when many followers had left him because his words were too cryptic or challenging for them. This is also true: "Lord, You are the Word of everlasting life."
The law of the Lord is perfect: We will never find a way that is superior to God's perfect Way. We worship what we think of as our superior intellect, without realizing we are not intellectually more developed than our ancestors of whom we read. We may be more learned, more technologically advanced, and more civilized, but we aren't any smarter, and we would do well to recall this from time to time. God's word isn't any less applicable than it has ever been, either, or any less perfect.
. . . refreshing the soul: Considering the perfection of God, our fundamental need for him, and, most particularly, the fact that God will never fail to meet that need for us, is indeed the refreshment for which our souls long. Though we look to slake our thirst with all sorts of other pursuits and pleasures, God alone refreshes us.
The Lord's rule is to be trusted: We insist on trusting only ourselves, when our judgment (on our own) is least trustworthy. Our vision is clouded by our emotions, our wants, our hurts and fears. The Lord's rule and guidance are reliable where our self-determination is flawed.
The simple find Wisdom: Society would dispute it, but simple faith is of greater value than our greatest sophistication.
The fear of the Lord is holy: There's that phrase "fear of the Lord" that is so off-putting. If only we would fear offending or hurting God as much as we fear so many other circumstances in our lives.
. . . abiding forever: When we dwell in God, we find our eternal home.
The command of the Lord is clear: When we choose our own way, it is rarely for failure to see God's way. The path God sets before us is usually very straightforward. But since our faith is usually in ourselves, we too often choose our own evaluation, our own wants, instead of the clear guidance God has given us.
giving light to the eye: I just came from our second graders' first Reconciliation service. The image of the light of Christ, and of restoring that light when we have chosen darkness, was powerful. The Way which God sets before us is illuminated and illuminating. We may not always see the second step ahead of us, but the first one is generally well lit, and we need only trust that the next one will be when we get there, too.
the precepts of the Lord are right: We want to decide right and wrong for ourselves, but no amount of self-deterministic morality will ever lead us in right paths. God's Word, particularly as manifested in Christ Jesus, will not lead us anywhere else.
they gladden the heart: When we embrace God's guidance, we find the desires of our heart fulfilled. (Sometimes that's because our desires have changed to match God's!)
The decrees of the Lord are true: I've been alluding to the Way, but let's not forget Jesus said he is the Truth, too.
. . . all of them just: In our society, we tend to doubt this. We see some which we think cannot be just. But will we trust our own judgment, or will we seek a way to conform ours to God's?
They are worth more than the finest gold: No treasure we can possess can ever rival the gift of knowing and living God's will.
. . . sweeter than honey from the comb: God's desire for us is far sweeter than our greatest ambition for ourselves!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
An apology
Okay, for the first time ever, I've taken a post down.
My blog has never, like, had any READERS, so I've never much worried about what I've posted here. I'll be more sensitive in the future.
The offending post was COMPLETELY tongue-in-cheek.
Note to T: I think it's GREAT that you're involved with the kids and, contrary to my post, I wasn't at all offended by your gifts to them. I apologize for hurting your feelings. I've never felt that you or any of your family are ignorant. Quite the opposite, and despite my "poor judgment" gag, I think the world of your brother. I hope the misunderstanding was just a matter of us not knowing each other well enough. But not realizing I was joking, I can understand why it would offend. Feel free to call us (get our number from C.) if you like, so that I can apologize more personally.
My blog has never, like, had any READERS, so I've never much worried about what I've posted here. I'll be more sensitive in the future.
The offending post was COMPLETELY tongue-in-cheek.
Note to T: I think it's GREAT that you're involved with the kids and, contrary to my post, I wasn't at all offended by your gifts to them. I apologize for hurting your feelings. I've never felt that you or any of your family are ignorant. Quite the opposite, and despite my "poor judgment" gag, I think the world of your brother. I hope the misunderstanding was just a matter of us not knowing each other well enough. But not realizing I was joking, I can understand why it would offend. Feel free to call us (get our number from C.) if you like, so that I can apologize more personally.
Public responsibility within one's sphere of influence
I was just reading, with great sadness, the news stories of the young boys who have hung themselves in imitation of videos they've seen of Saddam Hussein's hanging. The thing that strikes me is how our communication can have meaning vastly different from what we intended by it. I'm sure the news services had no inkling that their broadcasts could have these results; the fact that their intentions were completely different from the effects on these young lives, now tragicaly cut short, is of no comfort to the families now in mourning.
This strikes me particularly sharply because of having recently written words that were taken at face value, rather than being received in the joking manner I intended. It isn't the readers' fault that they didn't know my intentions. The words were pretty strong, so why would a reader who doesn't really know me take them at anything other than face value?
Now I pray that I haven't created a problem that was a lot bigger than the joke I intended my words to be.
This strikes me particularly sharply because of having recently written words that were taken at face value, rather than being received in the joking manner I intended. It isn't the readers' fault that they didn't know my intentions. The words were pretty strong, so why would a reader who doesn't really know me take them at anything other than face value?
Now I pray that I haven't created a problem that was a lot bigger than the joke I intended my words to be.
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