Conclusion

God is pursuing you. In His outstretched hands are all the good things a Father wants to share with His children: our adoption as sons and daughters. The Father's broken, yet joyful, heart. The Father's embrace. The ring, the robe, and the sandals. The invitation to worship in the Spirit and in truth. Above all, Jesus' promise to restore us to the Father . . . . I pray that you have begun to discover a loving Father who is pursuing you and drawing you to Himself. The Father desires intimacy with you. Now is the time for you to take hold of your inheritance as a child of God; now is the time for you to take hold of that for which Christ has taken hold of you. - Neal Lozano, Abba's Heart

I should have known that Neal would wrap this up powerfully. He finishes with some practical tools for entering into the Father's joyful, loving heart. To summarize them would be an injustice.

Buy this book, read it, and know how pleased your loving Father is with you, beloved daughter, beloved son. Be drawn into His abundant love.

A general principle greater than any quotation

I keep scouring this chapter from Abba's Heart on forgiveness for that one quotation that leaps off the page and says, "Yes, this thought is the fresh insight that encapsulates this truth." And I just can't find any combination of Neal's sentences that accomplishes that.

But the one concept that he expresses that I love is the idea that unforgiveness is such a blocker for us spiritually because it is a rejection of the very nature of Jesus Himself. It isn't that "The vindictive Father will refuse to forgive you if you refuse to forgive others." It is that it is impossible to enter the Father's forgiving, merciful heart - on display in Jesus' tortured, lifeless body hanging on the cross - and to simultaneously keep our own hearts closed off by invoking on others the judgment which we ourselves deserve. I cannot receive God's mercy while I withhold it from others, and if I receive God's mercy I won't knowingly withhold it from others.

Now, there may be a number of reasons why I do so unknowingly. For instance, events from years or decades ago may have influenced our lives in ways that feel like part of ourselves, so we don't recognize anymore that we need to forgive the classmate who shunned us, the girl- or boyfriend who broke our heart, the parent who taught us to be so self-judgmental, or the sibling who belittled us. Or, I may have sincerely tried on my own to forgive an offense that hurt me more deeply, for which I need to enter into God's protective heart to sufficiently feel safe and be healed to be able to sincerely wish blessings for the person who hurt me. But unforgiveness for any reason is an impediment to God's liberating power. Fortunately, it need not be. God is eager to help us welcome our prodigal brother home.

For the life of me, I can't seem to remember the name of the young man with whom our daughter was living six months ago, who responded to their breakup by stealing household goods she needed to care for her children. I can picture him with his motorcycle, bandanna around his head, and clearly see his face in my mind's eye, yet his name escapes me even though I thought I'd never forget it. My heart wants to rage against him, on behalf of my daughter and her children, "Whatever the two of you went through, why would you take this out on my grandchildren!" Instead, I find I must lift up this clearly wounded young man, whose name the Father has etched on His own heart, and ask Him to bring him home.

As much progress as I sometimes think that I have made in the area of forgiveness, other people come to mind for whom I know I must also pray.

Continuing with authority

I don't know that I will keep blogging from this wonderful book, Abba's Heart. It just seems as if I may have reached content that is best shared in the context of the rest of the book. However, I had begun one entry before I reached this point, about which I haven't had time to finish writing, and which seems well aligned with my most recent posts from the book. In this chapter, Neal has moved from general principles of authority to specific truths about the Father's authority that guide us as we walk in the delegated authority of sons and daughters that has now been restored to us. Each of these underscores a point which Neal has previously made: no matter what our personal experiences may have taught us to the contrary, authority is not evil. In fact, the Father's authority in particular is immeasurably, indescribably good.

The Father's authority is compassionate. I believe we see an example of this in the Holy Father's most recent encyclical. But in countless examples from the Gospels we see how Jesus repeatedly responds to those who are in difficult circumstances by putting the hurting individual's needs first. As he feeds the hungry, cures the sick, and raises the dead - even as he teaches the crowds - he is moved by compassion. Yet he never compromises the truth to do so: he doesn't tell the woman caught in adultery, the Samaritan woman at the well, or the tax collectors with whom he eats that it's okay to continue in sinful patterns of behavior.

The Father's authority is humble. Jesus doesn't shirk the Father's plan, even at the ultimate personal cost. I often wonder: how completely did the human Jesus have faith in his own resurrection? Was there ever doubt mingled with the anxious - even fearful - anticipation of the cup which he accepted in the Garden of Gethsemane? In front of Pilate, but before as well, he clearly he understood that he wasn't to be the sort of Messiah that his Hebrew brethren expected. His kingdom was to be greater, yet not an earthly kingdom. And Neal points out that Jesus' humility is rooted in understanding who He is in relationship with the Father. The same is true of our own humility - when it is true, rather than an excuse to not do that to which we are called.

Acting with authority releases power. When we are moved by these two characteristics to exercise the authority which God bestows on us according to His plan for our lives, powerful, wonderful things happen. In the context of Unbound deliverance ministry, the Holy Spirit moves in ways we would never expect to deliver God's sons and daughters from bondage that has held them back for their whole lives!

Perhaps I will yet share another post or two from this book, on the topic of forgiveness. It's a theme on which I've written on many occasions, but as you might imagine, Neal addresses aspects of it that are particularly relevant to our relationship with the Father.

Forgiving a lost boy

There's more stuff I still want to comment on concerning the nature of the Father's authority, especially its compassionate and humble nature. But having read on from there, today I find myself reflecting on the spiritual key of forgiveness.

As I've kept reading on this topic, covered so thoroughly in Neal's other books, and scouring my mind for who it is I still haven't forgiven, because I have just known there was still someone. But I couldn't think of who it was, for the life of me. I've forgiven people for such a variety of hurts in which they played a role, intentionally, cooperatively, incidentally, or unknowingly. I've even forgiven myself, following my loved ones' forgiveness, for such deep harm that I've done to myself and those I love.

This morning, after wracking my brain, I finally realized the one person I'm still struggling to forgive, and why. There's something that I still can't quite forgive myself for, from that long-ago Thanksgiving weekend in NYC. After he had abused me for the first time in our room at the YMCA, I can't seem to forgive myself for climbing into his bed later that night, my arousal unmistakable, inviting him to do so again, giving him the rationale he needed for the next twenty months of abusing me.

I've forgiven him, although maybe I need to pray more for him. He didn't understand the harm he was doing. But I still don't seem to have forgiven me, even though I was just a confused kid - both by his design and in my dependence on him - who knew so much less than I know now.

No wonder I remain stuck here.

Right place, right time

I wasn't sure why I asked my wife to bring my copy of Abba's Heart for me to take with us to our Marriage Encounter area board meeting last night. The business of the meeting - discerning new area coordinators for the NKY-Cincinnati-Dayton region - was going to take a lot of the time of the meeting, and the discernment process doesn't provide much opportunity for input outside of its own flow. This is partly out of a desire to avoid the influences of ambition and popularity. I suppose I just wanted to let people know about this wonderful book, if the chance came up.

This was our fourth ME discernment meeting: two for circle leadership (the first of which my wife missed), and two for area coordinators (one for Dayton, one for Cincinnati). Three of these four have resulted in only one couple being willing to serve in the role being discerned. Ideally, at least two couples will be willing to serve.

We began with a period of affirmation, in which we took turns affirming each couple there for some gift we saw in them. Interestingly, at least twice when I was getting ready to affirm one of the couples, another couple affirmed them for the same thing. I noticed the couple who led the discernment taking notes to ensure that each couple present was affirmed for some gift they bring to the community. The introductory remarks gave us the opportunity to write down the challenges or reluctances that would tend to cause each of us to withhold our willingness to be discerned as coordinators. We then prayerfully turned these over to God to overcome our reservations. The current ecclesial team leaders and outgoing area coordinators discussed their own concerns with accepting their roles, and the biggest surprise blessings they encountered when they stepped out in faith. I realized that there were some words I'd recently read in Abba's Heart that seemed particularly relevant, but there was not a good opportunity to offer it in the context of the presentation. We then had a brief dialogue question, after which each couple indicated on paper whether they were willing to be discerned as area coordinators.

We were there primarily to prayerfully support the process; geographical concerns alone would have precluded us from serving in this role for this community. If we have a separate discernment later for Dayton area coordinators, we may respond differently. We were surprised when the couple leading the discernment announced that no couples had agreed to serve in this role for the Cincinnati area. They shared another passage of Scripture, and were preparing to ask us to please go off as couples and reconsider, in light of the fact that no one had stepped forward, whether we might be being called to serve after all. But before they sent us off, I now asked permission to share something briefly. It turns out that I still had the page marked, intending to share about it here when I got the chance:

God will not give us more responsibility without the grace we need, and He will be with us to accomplish the task. That is why it is exciting to work with what the Father gives us. We are never alone. We have the joy of fellowship with the Lord. As we take responsibility for our lives, we will get to know the Father and grow in our identities as His children. 

An increase in responsibility is an opportunity to depend on God. When you exercise your authority, it brings you closer to the One who gave it to you. You were created to represent God in service to others: "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Eph 2:10)

Faithfulness releases God's power and authority through us to extend His Kingdom, and it comes through service. To be a son or daughter does not mean hiding from an increase in responsibility. It means taking one's place at the Father's right hand, serving with His authority. It means going lower in humility with Jesus to wash the feet of others. When we do the Father's will, we become more intimate with His heart for others. Whatever God has given you to do, He has also given you the authority and power to carry it out.

When we next returned, a couple had stepped forward to serve. I'd like to be able to say that we were willing, too, if we had been discerned, that we had sufficient trust in God and the community to not put us in a position we clearly understood that we shouldn't have been in, and to equip us to overcome the obstacles if we were chosen. I'd even like to think that we would trust each other enough that, in the potential upcoming discernment for our own area coordinators, we would be willing to serve. I'm not at all certain that we do. I find this disappointing, and I'm glad that someone doesn't read my blog. I don't love her any less for it, and I also don't want her to think that she's the only one with reservations.

Interestingly, in our dialogue we each invoked a familiar image. I talked about the feeling of jumping out of an airplane, and she talked about being on a high dive. And it fits us, somehow, that I did, and she doesn't. I want her to know that she won't have to jump alone.

Principles of authority, part ii

The remaining three principles of authority from this chapter of Abba's Heart (last book at link, at time of posting); I may end up sharing more quotations from them later, but wanted to at least list them:

Authority grows with responsibility. There is a potential flip side, as well: the responsibility entrusted to us will not grow as long as we act outside of the Father's authority.

Authority is exercised through faith and by the words we speak. Personally, I would flip the "by" and "through" in that sentence, but the idea is sound. At the root of our exercise of the authority which Christ has restored to us is our underlying faith in the Father's love for us, and while we must also put it into action, our words are an expression of that authority.

The name of Jesus carries power. The reason for this is partially one of pure semantics: by "name" we mean "authority." "Stop, in the name of the law!" (or "the king!" or even "of love!"?) But the Father's authority flows to us only through out place in His Son, in whom alone we become adoptive sons and daughters of the King. This is why we are called to do everything in the name of Jesus.

Principles of authority, part i

I just love this passage I read last week in this book; it has been in my mind all weekend, and strikes me as especially appropriate for Easter. I want to set the context for it, though: Neal is establishing five principles about authority that are crucial for Christians who desire to walk in the kingdom of God. (All quotations from Neal Lozano's Abba's Heart.)

1. Carrying our authority means submitting to Jesus' authority.

We tend to be fine with wielding authority, but not so much with submitting to it. Or: we're perfectly fine with submitting to Jesus' authority as long as we decide for ourselves what that means! Neal talks further about how Jesus' authority flows to us from the Father when we submit to Him, and that's worth reading, too. It's the second principle, though, that contains the passage in which I've been soaking:

2. Walking in one's identity and destiny requires exercising the authority God gives to His children.

This is why the first principle is so very vital for us. If we misunderstand or misapply God's authority in our lives, we lack the power to walk as children of the Kingdom. So here is what has been blessing me:

We discover our identities and fulfill our destinies as we wield His authority . . . The liberation of creation that began with the Son continues with the sons and daughters of God who exercise their Father's authority on earth. This authority was bestowed upon the firstborn over all creation, Jesus the King, and flows to all who receive Him. Jesus has defeated Satan, sin, and death so that He could bring us home. (!) Now we enter His place as a son or daughter and continue the battle in a war He has already won. Every day we enter a battle to become children of God in this world, while at the same time we belong to Him already.

Yes, this is it. We know that Jesus has done it all, and that is true, so we forget that we are the Body of Christ in the world, called to let Him continue to do it through us. So yes: the strife is o'er, the war has been won, but word of our enemy's defeat hasn't reached all the distant battlefields in his theater of operations. And why should it? We keep giving him victory in so many battles by not realizing the authority we have and wielding the loving power it brings to our defense.

Good Friday reflection, 2016

Today was the first Good Friday I've worked in 22 years, but I did take half a day of PTO. Instead of trying to get my usual two hours in the middle of the night on Good Friday, I signed up for 5-6, and jumped at the chance to get a half hour from our deacon's two-hour 6-8 commitment. It worked out very nicely.

There was much proclaimed by the prophets about the mystery of the Passover; that mystery is Christ. (emphasis added) - From an Easter homily by St. Melito of Sardis, bishop, as quoted in yesterday's Office of Readings

St. Melito goes on to mention many of the ways that Christ was present in or revealed by the events of the Hebrew Scriptures. We can see Him in them, we can learn of Him and even encounter Him there, but any litany of them will fail to touch us unless we are willing to accept Him, that is, to acknowledge that God has an authority over our lives as a result of being Author and Creator and of setting aside His power in favor of His love and mercy. Jesus being the Passover only makes Him my Passover to the degree that I acknowledge that He is my only path from death to life, and begin to respond to the Father's love and mercy in a way that recognizes His Author-ity over my life.

Rescue my soul from the sword,
My life from the grip of these dogs.
Save my life from the jaws of these lions,
My poor soul from the horns of these oxen. - Ps 22: 21-22

David (I presume) was writing of his enemies in these derisive tones, so we must be careful with them. For while these images - dogs, lions, oxen - also represent us in our effect on Jesus' human life, we must not forget that it was perfect Love which caused Him to subject Himself to us and which calls us back to the Heart that has so desperately longed for our return that He would make Himself our sacrifice - even when we would sacrifice nothing of ourselves for His Love. Indeed, St. Paul makes the progression in the letter to the Romans of our still being helpless, then sinners, then enemies, when Christ gave Himself for us.

Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss? - Lk 22:48

How often we, too, do this. In our certitude that what we are doing is right - or, perhaps, that we have a right to do this, to wield our power in the way we deem best - we betray God's love, and mercy, and authority over us. We insist on our own authority and our own understanding, and so we apply the stamp of God's will on actions that are really rooted in our own.

It can be a quandary, because what appears to be mercy toward some can look like rejection of others, and even of God. God is always calling us closer, and that means He is always calling us to receive His love and to love as He does, not forsaking the truth, yet inviting judgment on ourselves rather than imposing it on others.

We misunderstand the nature and manifestation of Love, and as we act in our own misunderstanding, we betray Jesus with our embrace, too.

For if the blood of goats and bulls and the sprinkling of a heifer's ashes can sanctify those who are defiled so that their flesh is cleansed, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself up unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from dead works to worship the living God!" - Heb 9:13-14

Of course, the goats, bulls and heifer, as well as the ram in the thicket, and the lambs' blood on the Hebrew families' lintels, are but the faintest symbols of the true Lamb. Their greatest importance is to reveal Jesus, who in turn reveals the Father's heart of love for us as He fulfills the purpose of His earthly life. This viewpoint which Neal Lozano has emphasized in Abba's Heart parallels what St. John Chrysostom emphasizes in today's Office of Readings (about which I have reflected on previous Good Fridays).

Do you understand, then, how Christ has united His bride to Himself and what food He gives us all to eat? By one and the same food we are both brought into being and nourished. As a woman nourishes her child with her own blood and milk, so does Christ unceasingly nourish with His own blood those to whom He Himself has given life. - from the Catecheses by St. John Chrysostom, bishop, as quoted in today's Office of Readings

Even motherhood is a type for Christ. I have so often marveled at the rest of this great reading that I have missed its wonderful conclusion! We are indeed bone from Christ's bone, and flesh from Christ's flesh , sacrificed for us to make us a new creation, an eternal creation, imbued with everlasting life. (Likely most importantly, we are spirit from Christ's Spirit!)

____

Now I want to invoke Fr. Neuhaus a bit, even though I haven't been reading him this season. We call this "Good Friday," even as we rightly acknowledge the role our sin and guilt play in our (my! For each of us, it must be "my," even while it must be also "our") Savior's suffering and death. Perhaps we should call it Great Friday. Redeeming Friday. Delivering Friday. Victory over Sin Friday. Sanctifying Friday. Transforming Friday. All-the-Difference-Making Friday. Perfect Love Friday. It is worth reflecting on in its own right. (Rite, right?)

I look above the tabernacle where my Savior is present, where I have come seeking to be with Him during His trial and knowing that it is really He who is with me during mine, and through the textured glass of this chapel I see the illuminated crucifix in the main church. As Fr. Neuhaus encourages me, I don't skip ahead. I confess the link between Christ present in this tabernacle and His sacrifice this day on the cross of my sin. He has defeated the power of both the physical cross and my sin to cause death. As I sit and pray with Him in the garden, and observe Him before the Sanhedrin and Pilate, walk with Him along the Via Dolorosa, mourn His death on the cross, and as His blood and water flow down over me, it is not His lifeless body which I embrace, but His life-giving sacrifice and eternal Sonship.

I closed out this time with a return to Abba's Heart, but I will share of that in a separate post.

Authority

Oh, I completely forgot to add this thought I had while working on this morning's post, which struck me as especially apropos for today. Jesus showed us the true exercise of His authority: I give you a new commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. He said this after washing their feet, so that in the long view they would have the true context of His Passion and thereby know how to wield authority. Elsewhere He contrasts clearly: those who are in authority lord it over them, but you are not to be like that. Whoever would be greatest must be the last of all and the servant of all.

Trying not to wander off

I suppose I've been afar again over the last few days. I have still been reading, briefly, but haven't taken time to write. That has been partially due to quite a flurry of activity at work, which I was fortunate to know in advance would be finished by yesterday. I think it went well. We'll see.

This chapter of Abba's Heart deals with the issue of authority. We must invoke the Father's authority, represented by the ring which the father of the prodigal places upon his finger when he returns home, if we are to have the power to live as sons and daughters rather than as forsaken, wandering orphans.

A few quotations:

Authority is not the same things as power. Power is the ability to make something happen; authority is the right to use that power for a righteous purpose. As children of God, we carry the Father's authority. As we walk in His authority, He empowers us to carry out His will. - Neal Lozano, Abba's Heart

But there's a thing about authority: if I try to use the authority which has been delegated to me to do something that is clearly not the Father's will, then the power which He makes available to me under His authority will be revoked, as well.

Some people have a negative view of authority because someone in authority abused them. Others have witnessed the abuse of authority toward others. Mistrust of authority is rampant, often for good reasons. - ibid.

This gets to the core of why so many of us have difficulty relating to God as Father, when our own examples of fatherhood were less than exemplary. IThat isn't exactly the same thing as the blanket rejection of authority, but it is close.

But since all authority originates from God, a blanket rejection of authority puts us in opposition to Him. The rejection of authority is in essence part of mankind's rejection of the Father Himself. - ibid.

I can hear people saying that "it isn't the same thing," and maybe it isn't, but I agree with Neal that it is, indeed, related. I see and hear so many people who don't understand how they are rejecting God's authority over us.

The word authority contains the idea of an author, a creator and source. - ibid.

I don't suppose I need to beat the reader over the head with this idea. It's a wonderful thought, though, so don't fail to dwell on it. And what a wonderful story of love He has written!

The first creed of the church was "Jesus is Lord," which meant that we willing accept the authority of Jesus over our lives. - ibid.

Too often, we pay lip service to this. We accept the idea that Jesus should have authority over us, while rejecting any agent through whom He might be directing us in a way other than the one we have chosen for ourselves. This rejection of the authority of Jesus is the reason we become powerless when we are prodigal. Without living under His authority, we have none of our own to exercise. As the living Body of Christ tasked with carefully exercising His authority in love (as it can only be used), even the Church allows that we have a responsibility to exercise our informed conscience in our particular circumstances with regard to her teachings. I have friends who do this very carefully, acknowledging the Church's teaching while humbly concluding that their own circumstances require them to act in a different way - yes, I'm thinking of you, dear friend. I know of others who reject Church teaching because and whenever it conflicts with their own circumstances. One preserves our obedient adherence to Christ's authority, the other breaks it.

It is nearly impossible to truly embrace God's redeeming, transforming grace, let alone to live a spiritually empowered life, while we reject the Father's and Jesus' authority. And the spiritual influences that enter our lives as a result of that decision do not often openly reveal their true nature.

A grandchild to mourn

Neal speaks in his book of the granddaughter he has never met, for whom he and his family - and especially his oldest son - pray regularly. She lives in another country, and her mother (and her mother's family) has not allowed them any contact with her.

It reminds me of the grandchild we will never know in this life, whose unmarried father induced the child's miscarriage by violently punching our daughter in the stomach when she told him that she was pregnant. We didn't learn of this until some time after the events had occurred, and the young man had already been gone from our daughter's life for months. I prayed for this grandchild this morning, and asked him or her to pray for me and to pray with me for his or her parents. They have very different needs for spiritual and emotional freedom.

I have nine grandchildren, and I love them all. One knows the Father's love perfectly. I continue to pray that the rest will know Him, too.

Taking our nourishment

Mary chose the "better part," as Jesus described it, a part that shall not be taken away. Jesus' words tell us to stop and take time to be quiet, listen and enjoy His presence. Mary reminds us that the secret place at Jesus' feet is also time at the Father's table, feeding on His warmth, His words and His love. - Neal Lozano, Abba's Heart

Too often we try to feed others without first being fed. This never works. Elsewhere Jesus says, You have received freely; freely give! (Mt. 10:8) Until we have sat as His feet and eaten His banquet, we have nothing to share.

In the book, this discussion is in the section about what happens after the Prodigal has returned home. We sometimes get the impression that once we've been restored to our relationship with the Father, the hard work is over. Alternately, we think that the hard work consists of the sort of thing Martha is about. But the lack of real time with the Father is what makes us prodigals to begin with, and we shall wander off again without it.

Some parents obsess over getting the perfect family pictures. They get the picture, but they miss the moment.  - ibid.

This has been me. Sometimes we are more intent on presenting an image that is not true than enjoying the reality that is. I so hope that I am finished with this dynamic.

I love the words that Jubilee prays on the tenth station: "Strip me of my illusions to know that my true dignity far exceeds any image I might present."

We cannot sit at Jesus' feet, nor partake of the Father's abundance, if we are hiding behind a mask of self-sufficiency.

After we're welcomed home

Perhaps you had a "prodigal return" moment when everything changed as you encountered the Father . . . . The joy of coming home can quickly be replaced by the anxiety of knowing our weaknesses. When we look at the cracks and empty gaps in the foundation of our lives, we wonder if it is possible for God to build anything . . . . Though we are sons, we are acting like orphans. What I mean is that orphans see only what they lack. But sons and daughters see with gratitude the great mercy they have received, and they know their Father has more gifts in store. - Neal Lozano, Abba's Heart

Yes, it is easy to return to orphan thinking. We have so long identified with our brokenness, or with whatever we hid it behind, and we now need to identify with a Father who loves us perfectly. Even the best earthly father, whose providence includes many gifts we may not have realized we needed, cannot provide for our every need. Our earthly fathers may in fact have been far from perfect, but our heavenly Father provides for all that we need in abundance. Neal will go on to discuss how God can weave his grace and mercy even into our memories, and that is because He has been at work in our lives all along.

Who I am (again)

I'm not quoting this directly, as I don't have the book (Neal Lozano, Abba's Heart) in front of me at the moment, but the gist of the thought is this: We can identify with our sin, or we can identify with our Father, but not both, and we must choose.

Again, this can go for positive traits in our lives, as well. As long as my intelligence, sexuality, wealth, or status is more important to me than my faith, it is an obstacle to my coming home to the Father's embrace. The thing that gets in our way is the idea that the Father is lucky to have me, rather than my being blessed beyond telling by the Father's mercy.

Above all other things, I am a son of the Father.

Whatever your life has been like, my greatest desire is for you to find your place as His son or daughter, too.

Without one plea

When you come to the Father, you need not bring anything with you. - Neal Lozano, Abba's Heart

Well, you must bring yourself.

But many times we fail to come to the Father because we feel we must make things right before we dare approach Him.

If we could make it right, Jesus' sacrifice would serve no purpose.

Incomplete picture

The Prodigal drastically underestimates the encounter that awaits him because he never truly understood his father. His memory is vague, and he does not see the whole picture. He remembers some kindness - that his father treated his employees well - but . . . (ellipsis in original) - Neal Lozano, Abba's Heart

The simple truth is that if there is any truth at all to what we believe, we all underestimate the encounter that awaits us. God's love and mercy are beyond our imagining. Our finite minds are bound by time as well as space, and our Father is infinite and timeless. So anyone who believes that they see the whole picture is fooling themselves.

That said, I don't think that's the case for Neal. Rather, he is merely pointing out how our - everyone's - incomplete understanding of God's love keeps us from running home to the Father at a full tilt, the way that He runs to meet us. Of course, since Jesus and the Father are one, His Incarnation and all that He did on earth, culminating in His passion, death, and resurrection, show us the lengths that the Father goes to meet us. Despite these incredible steps, it is still incumbent upon us prodigals to humbly turn toward home. And it is not possible that we do this without also welcoming back those who are prodigal from us.

Unworthy

In his long journey home, the Prodigal faces a hard truth - he is not worthy to be called his father's son [ . . . ] We distance ourselves from the Prodigal to avoid the risk he is taking. Our hearts protest: "No, I am worthy. I deserve better. I work hard. I am a good person - at least, I'm better than most . . . . The gatekeeper will have to let me in to the Father . . . . Surely I am good enough to get into heaven. We argue our case, justifying ourselves by excusing our failures and pleading our successes. We try to earn the love we are afraid to ask for. - Neal Lozano, Abba's Heart

Yes, this is Fr. Spitzer's "comparative identity" at work again. Only by receiving the mercy and grace that are freely offered us do we stop comparing ourselves to others and become vessels of God's love in their lives, too.

There is no more undeserving Prodigal than me. I used to say that with a harsh spirit of judgment toward myself, but now it is just an honest and grateful recognition of God's love and a desire that all should know it.

Who I am

And who would I be if I were no longer angry, for my anger, in a sense, defined me? Without it I might become boring. I might lose my creativity. I might lose my intensity, which I saw as some kind of wall that kept me separated from the rest of the world. I would have to deal with the hole that would be left when the anger vacated. And the size of the hole frightened me. - Evelyn Bence, Leaving Home, as quoted in Abba's Heart

I completely get this. It can apply to what we think of as our positive traits, as well, when we allow them to become more important to us than they should be.

I am a son of the Father, the King and Creator of the universe. No other trait or talent I possess compares to that truth and identity.

The Source

The Scriptures say that every family takes its name from the Father (see Eph 3:15). In the Greek language, the words for "father" (pater) and "family" (patria) are closely related. In other words, every family finds its source and identity in the Father. He is the reason we are, and we find our place and our purpose in relationship with Him. The source of all that love, of family and of home is the Father Himself. For all eternity, the Father has loved the Son and the Son has loved the Father. - Neal Lozano, Abba's Heart 

This is why St. John's gospel (Jn 1:3) proclaims of Jesus, the Word, that through Him all things were made, and Colossians (1:16) says that all things were created in Him, made through Him and for Him. It is the love of the Father for the Son that set all of creation into being and sustains it, and their love for us which caused the eternal Son to enter time, to show us the nature of love - of their love, of which every other love except that inspired by the Holy Spirit is but a distortion.

(This is the part I've been wanting to reflect on since I first read it on Sunday, two days ago!)

I had something I wanted to say

Now I just hope that when I have a moment to really revisit it I can still remember what it was.

Meanwhile, I remember reading this thought later, still rooted in the prodigal son's story: Sin does not just separate us from God; it also separates us from ourselves. - Neal Lozano, Abba's Heart

If we think about the nature of Jesus' temptations, we will see how this is true for us, too.