The search has started

Finally applied for my first position yesterday, and sent my resume to an old Air Force friend whose current company has several openings that I might fit with. As for that one, I don't really want to drive to Columbus every day, but I'll do it for the right offer.

I think I'm going to be resigning from a ministry soon . . .

And busy week

Four meetings on three nights so far this week, but at least we have a pretty good sense of what to do with our 401k and our severance package. And even though our conference in October will not have the author for whom we hoped - who is having back surgery - I'm convinced that the Lord wants to bring the gift of spiritual freedom to his people who have been spiritually bound for so long!

Busy weekend

Nice, long-overdue phone call with a friend. Meeting Saturday morning, with a potentially disappointing development for a major event we have scheduled for October. Keeping Neal Lozano in prayer for his impending back surgery. Got the inside back panel off of the van and the back opened so that I could replace a bulb, so it is safer to drive now. Prepared our dishes for our two picnics on Sunday, which we managed to attend both of even though our plans for the grandchildren to be attended to by the aunt and uncle who agreed to take them didn't exactly pan out. Nice company at both of them, though.

Now, to gear up a job search.

They said she'd become my most reliable friend

I've encountered a lot of things over recent years that have caused me to realize more often than ever how deeply I miss my sister.  They include "siblings' day" postings on FB, friends who have also lost a sibling, reconnecting with old friends who ask me about her, brief pangs of jealousy as my wife gets to be with her sisters and brothers, even an article about Karen and Richard Carpenter - since his Karen died just a few years before mine; there is such a wide variety of reminders, seemingly everywhere I turn.

While our relationship was never as screwed up as Dora and Sven's, today's QC nearly made me cry in my cube.

Today's words

isinglass \ˈī-zən-ˌglas, ˈī-ziŋ-\ - 1. a semitransparent whitish very pure gelatin prepared from the air bladders of fishes (as sturgeons) and used especially as a clarifying agent and in jellies and glue  2. mica especially when in thin transparent sheets; especially :  muscovite 2

I was marginally familiar with the second definition, having encountered it in a couple of period novels, except I didn't know that it was made of mica.

spelter \ˈspel-tər\ - zinc; especially :  zinc cast in slabs for commercial use

This one was new to me.

Cloudy vision

If I am primarily trying to see God's plan for me in this layoff in terms of the possible upside for our finances, I am probably missing the main thing.

In my life, Lord, be glorified today.

The hope of glory

So on Tuesday, I went to the office early, about an hour earlier than I had been arriving of late. I've pretty much always worked later hours, and usually longer ones, than many of my coworkers. But on this day I figured that, if I was being let go, it would be best for everyone involved to get it out of the way early in the day.

When I arrived, neither of the guys in the nearest cube had yet been summoned to learn of their fate. Soon thereafter one of the guys was called to the conference room, and returned a couple minutes later with a piece of paper in his hand and let us know he'd been cut. I couldn't have been more surprised; this was one of the guys who had been traveling the world installing and troubleshooting the system that was supposed to be lifting the company out of its financial straits. If he was gone, there was no longer any question that I would be, too.

The severance package might not be quite as good as it was several years ago, but it is still very solid, so I was not excessively anxious about our financial position if my analysis was correct. Within a minute or so, my own phone rang, and at that point I knew I was cut. They have always notified the people who are let go first, followed by the other team members. Sure enough, when I entered the conference room my boss told me that I had been "impacted." What a sanitary word they've chosen; I've always hated it, because even when it was my coworkers who were leaving it was obvious that we were all "impacted," even as much as I hate that use of the word. I told him that I had figured as much, and after he let me know the key dates and where and when I'd be getting more information, he asked if I had any questions.

I'd actually developed the habit over the years of praying for my boss - whomever it might be - when there was a layoff, not so much that they might have the good sense to keep me but sincerely for their own peace of mind. I imagine that this must be one of the most difficult aspects of supervision, and I've always recognized the stressful nature of being in that sort of position. Perhaps this was what helped me ask the two questions that were on my mind. First I wanted to know if there was anything in my job performance that I should have done differently, and was relieved when he told me there wasn't.

Then I was able to ask how he was doing. He seemed a little relieved to have the opportunity to share how much he had been struggling over this. Even after several rounds of layoffs over the past several years, I'm glad that he hasn't become jaded over the process. I think he also recognizes that the only way his team isn't going to have more work than people to do it is if this product fails to take off, and that would not bode well for the company.

At any rate, I feel as if my genuine concern for him was the one thing I was able to do to really witness the presence of Christ in my life. I don't know if it had that effect, but I am hopeful that it did, and that I might get a chance to give him the credit more explicitly before I am completely out the door.

Monday's meeting

When I arrived at Monday afternoon's meeting, I couldn't help but notice the new young woman there, and I'd pretty much figured out who she was before my boss introduced her, along with the other HR representative who had called in from Rochester.

Taking inventory of who was in the room and on the call, of who my remaining coworkers are, I concluded that there was a pretty good chance that I was on the chopping block this time. I told my wife as much when I went home. My boss just couldn't afford to lose too many people who were traveling the world to install equipment.

But the weekend was nothing . . .

It has been too hectic to blog about.

It's weird being on the job market again, being told I'm less necessary than my coworkers, not knowing how God is going to provide for the future.

While I have a strong mental confidence in God's providence, that assurance doesn't seem to reach my gut.  Also, I had an interesting reminder yesterday not to misinterpret God's promises according to how I might desperately desire for them to apply to my own circumstances.

But it's still true that I am at least as excited as I am anxious. It's not quite as intense as stepping out of the airplane in midair, but it's the same sort of feeling.

Weekend

What a busy weekend, by turns fun and stressful and worrisome.

I'm still dealing with the phone call from last Tuesday night, and trying to figure out what to do about it, if anything.

Had a wonderful visit with my SIL and her husband, including good food and great company.

Had two daughter crises on Saturday, the first of which looked as if it might involve a divorce and the second a mom-kid meltdown. Both seem to have gotten resolved reasonably.

But had a wonderful birthday party for our second-oldest granddaughter on Sunday, even it there were moments in the lead-up in which we thought we were being accused of inadequate mind-reading skills.