Control

Mary is the model of discipleship in her total availability to the will of God. - Fr. Richard John Neuhaus, Death on a Friday Afternoon

Fr. Neuhaus has made some statements in his reflection on Jesus' words to Mary and John from the cross and what they mean to us that build to a truth that slaps me in the face. But I want to respond to the buildup a bit.  This first statement isn't too stunning. After all, Mary has been upheld as the ultimate model of humble obedience throughout Church history.

She had no business of her own. - ibid.

Well, most women of her day had no business of their own save the running of their households, so this is not so unusual.

She was always on call. - ibid.

But this probably was pretty rare, especially to this degree. Here are some more details of what that meant for her, practically:

To the angel's announcement she says, "Let it be done as you say." She was dependent on others, on Joseph, for example, and now on John. By saying yes to the angel and agreeing to be mother to the Messiah, she created a situation beyond her control. - ibid.

Again, many aspects of Hebrew women's lives were beyond their control in that day and age, and I'm pretty confident that Mary didn't understand just how much control of her life she was relinquishing beyond what most of her peers would expect. As an unwed mother, her potential shaming was highly likely.

Who was to pick up the pieces? God provides by sending an angel to say, "Joseph, do not fear to take Mary as your wife." - ibid.

How much of God's selection of Mary to be the mother of Jesus was also wrapped up in Joseph's availability and willingness to be his stepfather? There is a really great point coming, but I don't want to jump ahead to it . . .

Now once again at the cross she is alone in the world. God provides. "'Son, behold your mother.' And from that hour John took her to his own home." - ibid.

God has a plan, and we can't see it all. But here comes a paradox:

In her total availability to God, Mary is totally independent and totally dependent upon God's providing. - ibid.

Yes, our true independence is directly proportional to our willingness to depend on God's perfect providence. We often elevate our stewardship of the gifts God has provided to the level of idolatry, putting our self-sufficiency upon a pillar. Now, here's the kicker:

True availability to God overcomes the fear of being dependent on others, because God provides. It is our determination to be independent by being in control that makes us unavailable to God. - ibid.

Ouch.

I run into this wall over. and over. and over again. I am so insistent on trying to control my life, my circumstances, my relationships. Ugh. I am tired of all this.