Self-ignorance, self-knowledge, self-definition

Here's another example in which we have a desirable characteristic with pitfalls on each side of it. Is all of life this way? And even the positive part can be taken out of context and made into a priority at its own expense, sort of like striving for happiness. Wonderful state, terrible priority. Self-knowledge is different from that, though. I'm convinced we can never in the slightest degree move from self-ignorance to self-knowledge until we make a conscious decision to accept that as a goal, though we do need to be careful not to esteem it too highly among our priorities or we become too self-centered and it more easily tends to self-definition. In fact, it is more of a pilgrimage than a destination, as it is what happens along the way that allows us to really discover ourselves, if we're observant. And perhaps it is somewhat normal for us to abandon the quest, or at least to set it aside for a time, and come back to it periodically as the need arises.

It is crucial, though, that we don't allow what we come to know about ourselves to define us in a way that prevents us from growing as we need to. The purpose of self-discovery is not primarily to "accept and love ourselves as we are," though there may be elements of that in it. Rather, we need to know ourselves so that we can choose to respond to our circumstances in accordance to what has worked and not worked for us in the past and, more importantly, in the way that will allow us to grow into God's vision for us as his holy, beloved sons and daughters.

This is where our labeling of ourselves can so get in our way. When we think of ourselves as liberal or conservative, gay or straight (or bi- or pansexual), holy or secular, emotional or analytical, flexible or methodical, etc. etc. etc., we can begin to respond to each situation we face according to our definition of ourselves rather than according to God's loving will for that circumstance. If "I respond this way because I am that label," or even "because I always respond in this way," we can become stifled in our walk.  If, on the other hand, "I know I tend to respond this way," and I ask, "How am I called to respond now?" in holiness and grace, I may find growth I can never even seek without this combination of self-knowledge and trust in God.

We are called to so much more than we accept, and the reason we fail to accept it is that we feel intimidated by it. The one label we will never apply to ourselves in our practical living is "holy, saint, child of God." We have enough self-knowledge to know that can't apply to us, but not enough God-knowledge to accept that he will make us what we can never otherwise be. This is why self-knowledge should not be too high on our priority list for very long.

(Inspired by a headline on an advice column, Tuesday, I think, and reinforced by the last two days' reflections from St. Augustine.)