Conditional affection

So the reason you didn't kiss me when you came to bed Monday night is that you were mad at me for not telling you when I was going to bed? I guess you thought that kiss at the top of the stairs as you were headed down to watch Hawaii Five-O was just in general. I said then that I was headed back to the bedroom; you probably just missed it in your rush to get downstairs. But I'm less concerned about that specific miscommunication than I am about these two trends:

• First, every night since we got home you've been watching something I don't want to watch.  I know we're going to have different interests, but there are - or were when we got home - at least six shows on the DVR I would have watched with you. You've been watching things that interest me when I'm not home and things I hate when I am. How am I supposed to interpret that?

• Secondly, it seems to me that you've increasingly allowed your affective actions toward me to become dependent on how you're feeling in the moment. Too often, like Monday night, there's a misunderstanding involved, but that wouldn't happen so often or last so long if you didn't assume the worst and then act on that assumption. I know that a degree of this is unavoidable, and I never want you to pretend to feel something that you don't. Yet I'd also hope that we share an underlying love that is deep enough to undergird any temporary hurt, anger or frustration we feel toward each other, such that we continue to express that love even in the face of current feelings that are not especially affectionate, especially when greeting or taking leave from each other (including at the beginning or end of the day). I often make a conscious effort to express my love for you even when I'm feeling frustrated, not to hide my feelings from you but to remind both of us of our commitment to each other. The truth is that I wasn't upset with you when I went to bed, but you assumed I was because you thought I didn't kiss you goodnight. (I can't help but wonder if that assumption was based on being defensive about your choices?)

I know we've just gotten back from a wonderful vacation together, but it's time we both started making time for us in our day-to-day life. I'm growing tired of having some variation on this conversation every six months or so.

I love you deeply, and I am committed to you for life. I know that we're each always going to have many interests that the other doesn't share. But I am often frustrated by living separate lives because of our lack of common ground. It's important that we build on our commonality and reaffirm our love regularly.