Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the lakeshore (step 31) - session 1f

Jn 21 (cont.)

Peter turned and saw following them the disciple whom Jesus loved, who had lain close to his breast at the supper and had said, "Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?"

When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, "Lord, what about this man?" 

Jesus said to him, "If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? Follow me!" 

The saying spread abroad among the brethren that this disciple was not to die; yet Jesus did not say to him that he was not to die, but, "If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you?" 

This is the disciple who is bearing witness to these things, and who has written these things; and we know that his testimony is true. - (20-24)

It seems to me that this story would be important if, as most scholars hold, St. John's gospel didn't take it's final form - and especially if Chapter 21 were not added - until after his death. Even if he wrote it himself near the end of his life, it would be important for him to address any belief in the community that the Lord would return before his passing.

But the important part for us is probably in verse 22: why do we focus so much on the blessing which others receive? Why do we long for a miracle of our own, or for a certainty in our faith that others seem to possess? What is that to us? We are to follow Jesus in the role he has for us.

But there are also many other things which Jesus did; were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. - (20-25)

If Jesus is who we believe him to be, it is of course impossible for the world to contain all the books that would be written, in addition to containing itself, all of which he has done!

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the lakeshore (step 31) - session 1e

Jn 21 (cont.)

"Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you girded yourself and walked where you would; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish to go." (This he said to show by what death he was to glorify God.) And after this he said to him, "Follow me." - (18-19)

Jesus now indicates to Peter the reason why it is so important that Peter know that he is acting out of love for the Lord, not out of mere obligation. Merely being connected to Jesus because of following him for these years and seeing his miracles - having a sense that this is someone that Peter desperately wants to be dedicated to, to the point of giving his all for Jesus - did not keep him from failing to fulfill his expressed willingness to lay down his own life for the Lord. Peter needs to be moved beyond affection and idealism and obligation to the unwavering north star of love. Any lesser motivation would cause him to ultimately shrink again in the face of the trials to come. And Jesus wants Peter to know that he is not the same man, driven by the same inadequate desires, but is now a true disciple motivated by love.

And now, when Jesus says "Follow me," there is no mistaking what that means. All of those things that he has said - there being no greater love than to lay down one's life for a friend; the extent to which he calls us to serve one another; sending the disciples as the Father had sent him - are now in the context of his crucifixion sacrifice and his resurrection from the dead. 

Will I follow?

An unexpected party

(with apologies to Ronald, although my house does look like a baker's dozen of dwarves came through.)

We had a full house again last night. Even on a fairly mild night, it wasn't a good idea for the daughter and grandchildren to stay in a home without power. I hope they're able to resolve it quickly, but the kids will be with their dad until Saturday, so there are a couple days to work it out.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the lakeshore (step 31) - session 1d

Jn 21 (cont.)

This was now the third time that Jesus was revealed to the disciples after he was raised from the dead. 

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." He said to him, "Feed my lambs."

A second time he said to him, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." He said to him, "Tend my sheep." 

He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, "Do you love me?" And he said to him, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Feed my sheep . . . . " - (14-17)

I presume that this was Jesus third appearance to the gathered disciples. From the other gospels, there is also Emmaus, the appearance to Mary outside the tomb, and an appearance to Simon Peter, all of which would have happened before this appearance. 

I heard a priest once homilize that there is a different Greek word for "love" in Peter's replies than in Jesus' first two queries, and that the third time Jesus switches and uses the same word which Peter had used. This is consistent with a quick glance at the text in an interlinear Greek-English bible online, where it also appears that, the third time, Peter is quoted as using yet a different word in response. 

All of this ignores a key fact: this conversation almost certainly didn't happen in Greek. But since this story was handed down by St. John to his followers, who likely set it down in writing, we should probably accept that the Greek reflects a dynamic in the exchange which John conveyed to his listeners.

Others have focused on the threefold affirmation which Jesus affords Peter in contradiction of his previous threefold denial, but enough has been said about this.

For me, it is more helpful to consider this in light of the things upon which I've recently reflected. (I'm reading between the lines here, and hope you do, too:) Peter must feel that he has been demonstrating his love for Jesus in unmistakable, practical ways: jumping overboard and swimming to shore; hauling the huge catch of fish ashore by himself when Jesus told the disciples to bring him some. How could the Lord now shame him by repeatedly questioning his love? But perhaps Peter's actions were motivated by feeling as if he now owed the Lord a debt he could never repay; painful experience tells me this dedication is not nearly the same thing as love. If this was true for him, he'd be even more hurt by - and defensive about - the threefold interrogation he receives.

When someone has forgiven us the unforgivable, we may respond in a deep, thankful love that sustains our dedication to them for the remainder of our lives, but that dedication may instead arise out of a heavy obligation that eventually begins to feel like a chain binding us in slavery. We can feel as if we must now live up to, or retroactively "earn," the grace we have been freely given. Peter may have been acting out of this sort of motivation, but Jesus needed for him to be motivated by deep love instead of guilt. 

Though it may be true - as Jesus explains in defending the sinful woman who anoints him in Luke 7 - that those who are forgiven more love more, it can be very difficult for a forgiven offender to even think to consider whether they are now motivated by love or by a sense of shame-driven obligation. Perhaps Jesus' intent here is to give Peter an important chance to shift his motivations.

Bifurcated

Listening in on today's Focus on the Family broadcast from both sides of the issue has me feeling ripped to shreds.

As I should, I guess.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the lakeshore (step 31) - session 1c

Jn 21 (cont.)

That disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his clothes, for he was stripped for work, and sprang into the sea. - (7)

This one verse should be a lesson in modesty for us.

John, the one who saw and believed at the empty tomb, is the one who first recognizes Jesus at the seashore. (Of course, he's also the writer of the gospel . . . ) But Peter, to whom Luke says the Lord had already appeared and who had presumably been reconciled, is the one who leaps (now clothed!) into the sea in his eagerness to be with him. The gift of our forgiveness brings us an unbridled enthusiasm and love, as we saw when Jesus was anointed (by either Mary or the unnamed sinful woman). 

But the other disciples came in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they were not far from the land, but about a hundred yards off.  When they got out on land, they saw a charcoal fire there, with fish lying on it, and bread.  Jesus said to them, "Bring some of the fish that you have just caught."  So Simon Peter went aboard and hauled the net ashore, full of large fish, a hundred and fifty-three of them; and although there were so many, the net was not torn. - (8-11)

Again, it is Simon Peter who demonstrates his love for the Lord by his obedience. But there must be some other symbolism here, too. Just in case there is a reader who hasn't heard the suggestion that there were 153 known varieties of fish, this has been interpreted to suggest that the Church was meant to include all people. But if that is the case, what does it say that Peter alone hauls the net ashore with its overloaded catch? Doesn't this underscore Peter's role as leader of the early Church?

They didn't ask *me*

Just saw a survey indicating that men want independence and strength for their daughters but not in their wives, and that they feel threatened by their wives having successful careers outside the home.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the lakeshore (step 31) - session 1b

Jn 21 (cont.)

Just as day was breaking, Jesus stood on the beach; yet the disciples did not know that it was Jesus.

Jesus said to them, "Children, have you any fish?" They answered him, "No."  

He said to them, "Cast the net on the right side of the boat, and you will find some." So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in, for the quantity of fish. - (4-6)

"Have you found what you are looking for? Look here and you will find it!"

Assuming, of course, that we are looking for something good. We often don't. We ask God for things that are not good for us, and we get upset when he doesn't provide them.

But we also seek things that are good in the wrong place, or in a way that destroys their goodness. I can't help but think about those who are rioting in Baltimore tonight in the name of "justice." What was done to Freddy Gray was a terrible wrong, and those who did it should be held accountable. But what the looters and rioters are doing is not justified. The wheels of justice grind slowly; i

t took two years for a conviction on the Boston Marathon bombing. Rage, however, especially in response to powerlessness, is impatient. 

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the lakeshore (step 31) - session 1a

Jn 21

After this Jesus revealed himself again to the disciples by the Sea of Tiberias, (1a)

The first question that came to my mind was, "Okay, where's the Sea of Tiberius?" A moment's quick research indicates that this is also referred to in the New Testament as the Lake of Gennesaret and the Sea of Galilee. I should not have reached this point in my life without knowing this. At any rate, this is about 60 miles from Jerusalem, and given that the disciples walked pretty much everywhere they went, this appearance would've had to occur at least a couple days after those mentioned in chapter 20. 

and he revealed himself in this way. Simon Peter, Thomas called the Twin, Nathan'a-el of Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zeb'edee, and two others of his disciples were together. Simon Peter said to them, "I am going fishing." They said to him, "We will go with you." They went out and got into the boat; but that night they caught nothing. - (1b-3)

We must be careful about combining the gospels, but this is a case in which reading from a combination of the gospels makes sense, since both Matthew's and Mark's accounts have the disciples instructed to return to Galilee. It isn't surprising that they would, anyway, being from there. But this should help keep us from reading too much significance into their resumption of fishing.  While it might indicate that they were returning to their old lives, it does not necessarily mean this. They may have just been engaging in a familiar activity as they attempted to make sense of what they had experienced. Also, I tend to assume that one of the other disciples not mentioned by name may have been Andrew - it would make sense for Simon Peter's brother to go with him.

From bondage to "still weak"-ness

The Unbound ministry takes away my excuses for failing to resist temptation. It reminds me of the power of Jesus' victory and brings that power to bear in my life in ways both spiritual and practical. Spiritually, it reminds me of the need to repent of things that I have tolerated or excused away as habit or as "no big deal." Practically, it reminds me to apply the 5 keys to spiritual freedom regularly in the face of my weakness.

I don't want to revisit ground that I covered in this lengthy post from last year, right after I'd first encountered the Unbound ministry. But I feel as if I had again let myself be spiritually bound, and even without having participated in a prayer session on Saturday, this morning I feel merely weak. By asking God to help me through my temptations to look wrongly upon my marriage and indulge my mind in aspects of my sexuality that I am certain are not from him, rather than feeling compelled to follow where those thoughts and fantasies take me, this morning I find I am turning my eyes away from myself and toward him, and relying on his strength rather than trying to manufacture my own.

There does remain one area in which I believe I need to specifically ask for prayer in the Unbound model. I must stop looking for an avenue of escape from my life. Though I have not been as far up the scale as in my darkest days, I have been more consistently further along it than is healthy for me, and I can see that there is likely a spiritual component to that as well as my own thought habit.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the lakeshore (step 31) - Introduction

Jn 21

This scripture passage has been so discussed and analyzed that I'm not very hopeful of finding fresh insights within it. However, insight is not the purpose of the Exercises, but rather to know and commit to Jesus more fully. I welcome the chance to spend a couple sessions in this rich passage with the Lord of my life, and to reflect on this and the other final appearances of Jesus which form this penultimate step of the retreat. I am in no hurry for it to conclude, so perhaps there will also be some time to revisit a couple of the sessions which I had to skip in phases 2 and especially 3 because of the effort to remain in step with the liturgical calendar. There was especially a lot of ground covered during Holy Week.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the road to Emmaus (step 30) - session 3

Is 53

Along with the last three verses of chapter 52, this forms the first reading for the Good Friday service of The Passion of the Lord. I can't do it justice, and I'm not going to try. Just soak in it for a while, slowly. And if you wish to return when you have done so, I have just one thought to share that struck me on reading it today:

All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned every one to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all. - (6)

I believe I have never heard or noticed this verse in the present participle before, but always the past participle as in the official reading for Good Friday.  I don't believe it's because the Church is afraid that we might take the ensuing reading of the St. John's Passion too poorly if we were to hear this reading from Isaiah express this way, as there seems to be a mixture of treatments among different translations.

But I think it is good for us to be reminded that our straying is not just a thing from our past, but a tendency to which we remain prone. It is good for us to examine regularly how we have been straying, not for the purpose of heaping guilt upon ourselves but so that we might hear our loving shepherd call us back to himself.

Of course, I am full of Good Shepherd imagery today because of today's readings, and Is 53 is not so much about that image of Jesus. Still, this was a nice intersection for me today!

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the road to Emmaus (step 30) - session 2

1 Peter 1:3-12

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! By his great mercy we have been born anew to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and to an inheritance which is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. - (3-5)

I fail in different ways to live out the full implications of the second half of verse 3. Sometimes I try to be born anew by my own efforts, which invariably fall short. Then and at other times, I fail to let God make me anew by forsaking my former ways of being which Jesus has nailed to death on his cross, choosing to remain my old self rather than letting God keep making me into my new self. Since my relationship with my bride is so rooted in my brokenness, this includes various aspects of being in relationship with her, but in fairness to both of us, we are both a part of that problem. I think she would admit as much, even as we both continue to seek to grow together in new ways.

Well, I could take off on that tangent and fail to return to the good news here, so . . .

And that good news is found in verse 5: it isn't in my own power that I am guarded for my final and total salvation and sanctification, but by God's power. It is because of God's grace and mercy that the imperishable, undefiled, unfading inheritance awaits this mortal, sinful man, not because I deserve it but because Jesus has purchased it by his death and brought it to fruition by his resurrection and by his Spirit. Perhaps he keeps it in heaven for us because only then shall we be fully able to walk in it in eternal purity.

In this you rejoice - (6a) though surely not as consistently as I ought!

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while you may have to suffer various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold which though perishable is tested by fire, may redound to praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Without having seen him you love him; though you do not now see him you believe in him and rejoice with unutterable and exalted joy. As the outcome of your faith you obtain the salvation of your souls. - (6-9)

Many times when I pray with others, it so often starts with a reminder of verses 3-7, though I haven't realized this. But God's mercy, grace and love far overcome the trials we may have to suffer, having our dross burned off so that God may be glorified by his work in and through our lives. As our attention is increasingly consumed by our circumstances, we lose sight of the greater victory that has already been secured for us. After allowing the Spirit to remind us of this, we then have the right perspective to ask God for the blessing we think we need in this specific situation and the humility to ask him to provide for what we really need - and help us accept it - if it's different from what we think. I think it's the latter part that brings us peace, when we know that we can trust God to do what is best for us.

The truth is, the trials we now suffer are as nothing compared to the eternal celebration that is ours.

The prophets who prophesied of the grace that was to be yours searched and inquired about this salvation; they inquired what person or time was indicated by the Spirit of Christ within them when predicting the sufferings of Christ and the subsequent glory.  It was revealed to them that they were serving not themselves but you, in the things which have now been announced to you by those who preached the good news to you through the Holy Spirit sent from heaven, things into which angels long to look. - (10-12)

Likewise, as recipients of this grace and glory, we are likewise called to serve others as we walk together through our various trials, that we may all receive this inheritance, with both its eternal rejoicing and its present comfort.

Today's words

First, the WOTD:

tyro (tiro) \TYE-roh\ - a beginner in learning : novice

I might have encountered this one before, once.

feculent \ˈfe-kyə-lənt\ - foul with impurities : fecal

I don't remember running into this one before seeing it in this comic that I didn't get to yesterday, but realized what it must mean in less time than it took to look it up.

Musicals in my sleep

Conflict dream turns into song-and-dance production number in Manhattan, starring Billy Crystal and somebody singing, the end of each stanza "Ya got fifteen dollahs, and money" for whatever setting the verse ended in: for lunch, etc. At the end of the song, when the characters were taking leave it was, "Ya got fifteen dollahs . . and bus fare."

And it finished with a foot and leg cramp so I wouldn't forget it. (Neither my first nor my best unconscious composition.)

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the road to Emmaus (step 30) - session 1e

Lk 24:13-36 (cont.)

Here's a final post on this passage before moving on to the additional ones listed for this step.

verse 17: what if Cleopas and his companion weren't sad only because of Jesus' crucifixion and death, but also because they didn't dare to place their hope in the tidings which they'd heard that very morning?

verse 19: they cannot bring themselves at this point to acknowledge Jesus as anything more than a mighty prophet. We do not know that they had ever proclaimed him to be more, as Peter did, so this is not necessarily a change from the previous week.

verse 21: although they clearly hoped he was more. But they probably, like most of their contemporaries, still had very different ideas concerning the nature and scope of Jesus' redemption, which would of course have been dashed by his death.

verse 33a: though they had completed their journey and the day was almost spent, yet they were so compelled that they had to go share the news at once. I am often too skeptical of my own story - or rather, of Jesus' story in my life - and so am not so urgently driven to share it.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the road to Emmaus (step 30) - session 1d

Lk 24:13-36 (cont.)

Again, another thought or two to tack onto the end of yesterday's post.

but they constrained him, saying, "Stay with us, for it is toward evening and the day is now far spent." So he went in to stay with them. - (29)

Sometimes the circumstances of our lives present us with ample reason to let Jesus pass us by. On occasion, that happens even when those circumstances are the result of his intervention. Now, Jesus is always with us through the Holy Spirit, so it is even easier for us to fail to orient ourselves toward his presence, to fail to request to linger a while with him. When we make such choices, we are not robbed of the discussion and revelation we may have received along the way, but we do cheat ourselves of the deeper encounter that he desires (for our sake) to share with us. So for us, the plea is not so much "stay with us" as "our agenda beckons us; help us to stay with you."

When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed, and broke it, and gave it to them. 
And their eyes were opened and they recognized him; and he vanished out of their sight. They said to each other, "Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the scriptures?" And they rose that same hour and returned to Jerusalem- (30-33a)

Having share the scriptures with them, Jesus now breaks the bread. It is again the model for our Eucharistic celebrations to this day.

Why did he vanish out of their sight? I can think of several reasons. The first is that, now having had their eyes opened, they no longer needed to see him.  Secondly, perhaps they needed to process between themselves the full picture of the events of the day. This is part of why group scripture study is so powerful: when we allow the Holy Spirit to bring our individual experiences into a group discussion, we obtain a clearer picture of what the Lord may want all of us to understand. A third reason is that, had he remained, they would certainly not have been so quick to return and share the news.

Occasionally, we also get a burning experience of God's presence with us. I can think of a number of times I have felt so blessed. One such time is when we experience the liberating power of Jesus' death and resurrection setting us free from some bondage we have always known. This is why I love both the charismatic renewal and the Unbound deliverance ministry; both bring this power to bear in the lives of those who have been knotted up.

They found the eleven gathered together and those who were with them, who said, "The Lord has risen indeed, and has appeared to Simon!"  Then they told what had happened on the road, and how he was known to them in the breaking of the bread. - (33b-36)

I'll have to look at the other gospels, but I believe that only Dr. Luke records Jesus' appearance to Simon apart from the other disciples. Don Francisco gives us a glimpse what that might have been like in He's Alive, although scriptures don't describe it; I believe, though, that Simon surely must have needed such a healing encounter with the risen Lord.

Sadly, too few of us recognize Jesus, either in his holy Eucharist or in his presence with those with whom we break bread every day.

Today's words

quidnunc \KWID-nunk\ - a person who seeks to know all the latest news or gossip : busybody

Oh, what a great new word!! (okay, it's three centuries old, but still!)

quiddity \KWID-uh-tee\ - 1. whatever makes something the type that it is :  essence  2a.  a trifling point :  quibble  b.  crotchet, eccentricity

I had heard of definition 2b. of this one, but not so much the others. (Not to be confused with liquidity.)  Also, doesn't the first definition seem a sort of opposite of the second ones?

And two more from today's Dictionary Devil:

prase \ˈprāz, ˈprās\ - a chalcedony that is translucent and yellowish green

I'm pretty sure I've never encountered this particular variety of quartz.

foehn \ˈfə(r)n, ˈfœn, ˈfān\ -  a warm dry wind blowing down the side of a mountain

What a specifically wonderful word that I will probably not recall when I want to use it, though I suppose that my friends out west may be more familiar with it than I am. My brain instinctively grabbed the last pronunciation; if I ever hear the first I'll be two sentences behind before I realize they're not talking about a fern.

Whispering . . .

. . . in the black silence: "whenever you want me . . . "

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the road to Emmaus (step 30) - session 1c

Lk 24:13-36 (cont.)

A final thought from the end of yesterday's post, before moving on: sometimes he corrects us despite our foolish wishes.

And he said to them, "O foolish men, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! 

Was it not necessary that the Christ should suffer these things and enter into his glory?"  - (25-26)

They clearly did not understand this, but they also clearly did not truly understand that Jesus was the Christ. Surely they would not have seen the Messiah put to death! And they did not yet believe that he was risen. Oh, yeah, his tomb was empty, but that wasn't nearly the same thing. In fact, I wonder whether some of the disciples may have been wondering if others of the disciples were plotting to fake his resurrection, as "the Jews" feared they would do.

But even if they had thought prior to his crucifixion that Jesus was the Christ, his awful death must have obliterated that hope.

And beginning with Moses and all the prophets, he interpreted to them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself.  So they drew near to the village to which they were going. He appeared to be going further, - (27-28)

We begin to see the outline of our Mass take shape. First, the gathering together. Next the sharing of the Word. I wonder how long they were walking together? There are so many passages from the Hebrew scriptures which we now understand as being applicable to Jesus, and he touched on "all the scriptures." 

but they constrained him, saying, "Stay with us, for it is toward evening and the day is now far spent." So he went in to stay with them. - (29)

These words form part of the beginning of evening prayer. The interpretation of "evening" in those days may have included late afternoon.

When we invite Jesus in, he comes.

Today's word

omnifarious \ˌäm-nə-ˈfer-ē-əs\ - of all varieties, forms, or kinds

I'm quite familiar with today's WOTD, as are most of my peers. However, this related word was a new one for me.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the road to Emmaus (step 30) - session 1b

Lk 24:13-36 (cont.)

Well, my retreat site seems to be out of commission. Fortunately I know that I have a few days to soak in this passage before I need to move on.

While they were talking and discussing together, Jesus himself drew near and went with them. - (15)

I know I've covered this verse already, but there are important aspects of this that were not addressed in those first cursory thoughts. For instance, Jesus always meets us where we are; in the midst of whatever it is we are doing, Jesus is there. It was true for tax collectors and shamed women, for fishermen and even Pharisees willing to be open to him. It is true for us, as well: in our busyness, our brokenness, our labor, our leisure, Jesus meets us there.

He draws near, and goes with us. He is not a distant God watching us, as the song said, From a Distance. He is in the trenches or the highway with us, walking close by us. We do not have to call for help to someone who is far off; we can whisper, "Jesus, help me," in the ear of our most intimate companion along the way - more intimate even than a beloved spouse of decades of life together.

But their eyes were kept from recognizing him. - (16)

I've always assumed that it was Jesus himself who obscured their vision of him, but perhaps it was the very thing that interferes with our recognition that he is with us: we aren't looking for him, any more than they were.

And he said to them, "What is this conversation which you are holding with each other as you walk?" And they stood still, looking sad . . . . And they said to him, . . . "Moreover, some women of our company amazed us. They were at the tomb early in the morning and did not find his body; and they came back saying that they had even seen a vision of angels, who said that he was alive. Some of those who were with us went to the tomb, and found it just as the women had said; but him they did not see." - (17-24)

They didn't have to add: we didn't really believe them in the first place, and the emptiness of the tomb did nothing to assuage our unbelief. We're pretty hopeless.

I suppose I always missed the part about how they stopped walking when he asked them what they were discussing. But there doesn't seem to be any debate between them about whether they should talk with him about what had happened; to the contrary, they figured that everyone who was in Jerusalem must know about it.

Some of those who were with us seems to contrast against Simon Peter who alone is mention in verse 12 (omitted from umich site).

What we know is that they had heard news of the resurrection, but were still sad, so clearly didn't really believe it. They had confirmation that something had taken place, for the tomb was empty. They seem to be disappointed that Jesus himself had not appeared to anyone.

I grow disappointed, sometimes, that Jesus has not transformed my life and my marriage into more than what they are.  Perhaps it is because, like these unnamed disciples, I am looking for the wrong signs and journeying along a road that will not take me where I should be going. But I believe Jesus meets us along the way anyway, and corrects our path.

Butchering the language

"Three-time Boston Marathon winner Bill Rodgers threw out the ceremonial first pitch. It reached Wade Miley, Boston's left-handed pitcher who was behind the plate, on a fly."

As opposed to "on the fly."  Pick your mental image for the way the AP worded it: do you prefer your flies mighty or squashed?

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the road to Emmaus (step 30) - session 1a

Lk 24:13-36

There is so much to reflect on in this wonderful passage which forms the pattern for our liturgy!

That very day two of them were going to a village named Emma'us, about seven miles from Jerusalem, and talking with each other about all these things that had happened. - (13-14)

Not only did the disciples not believe Mary's story, but they so completely disbelieved her that they went about whatever errand caused them to leave Jerusalem. We are told nothing of their reason for traveling; therefore it is not an important detail. But clearly Jesus was still very much on their minds, as they were discussing the recent events along their way.

While they were talking and discussing together, Jesus himself drew near and went with them. 
But their eyes were kept from recognizing him. - (15-16)

Yes, his resurrected appearance must have been very different from prior to his death.

Our eyes are often kept from recognizing Jesus in the many ways he comes to us, too. Sadly, they are too rarely opened for us to see him in the brother and sister whom he indwells.

Today's words

wimple \WIM-pul\ - 1. to cover with or as if with a wimple : veil  2. to ripple  3. (chiefly Scottish) to follow a winding course : meander

I was familiar with the noun, especially having just encountered it in a comic this week. I had no idea it could be a verb, too. I'll likely never use it that way, but will probably recognize it should I encounter it again.

rebarbative \rih-BAR-buh-tiv\ - repellent, irritating

Despite the excellent etymological write-up, I doubt I'll be so likely to recall this one . . . 

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to the disciples on the road to Emmaus (step 30) - introduction

I'm glad they've given me an extra couple of scripture passages in addition to the one from St. Luke's gospel for this step. I'm also probably going to refer back to the allusion to this episode from St. Mark.  I want to take my time with details which Dr. Luke shares, and I have the luxury of doing so since I have only one additional step after this one before the Ascension.

But since I've just addressed the immediately following verses from Mark, let's go back to what came just before them, and use the appearance to the disciples as a bridge to the Emmaus story.

After this he appeared in another form to two of them, as they were walking into the country. And they went back and told the rest, but they did not believe them. - Mk 16:12-13

So that appears to be the Reader's Digest Extremely Condensed version of the Emmaus account.

It should likely be mentioned that some scholars hold that the original text of Mark's gospel ended at verse 8, with the angel announcing that he was risen, but no confirming appearances of our Lord to anyone. But in the "extended edition" which we have today, there are several, of which the verses above represent the second. What it shares with the first, his appearance to Mary Magdalene, is that the testimony of the witnesses is disbelieved by Jesus' other disciples. The "seeing is believing" mentality is not such a new thing, I guess, but we have the advantage of two millenia of folks who have believed; believing in Jesus' resurrection seems a normal thing to us, or at least an acceptable one.

This disbelief is the context for Jesus' words in verses 15 and 16: "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to the whole creation. He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned."  It's as if He is telling them: I have appeared to you that you might not be condemned, because you have not believed without this evidence.

God seems to meet us where we need for him to.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to his disciples behind closed doors – Divine Mercy Sunday (step 29) - session 3c

Luke 24:36-49
Mk 16:14-18 (cont.)

Afterward he appeared to the eleven themselves as they sat at table; and he upbraided them for their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they had not believed those who saw him after he had risen.
And he said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to the whole creation. He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up serpents, and if they drink any deadly thing, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover." - Mk 16:12-18

In St. Mark's version, as contrasted w/ St. Luke's this appearance doesn't happen while the disciples whom Jesus met on the road to Emmaus are basically still speaking. Rather, the other disciples have had a chance to not believe their testimony, so Jesus takes them to task for it. Here he commissions them to preach the gospel to the whole world.. The signs Jesus mentions are not intended to be tests which we are to seek out, but situations we might encounter.

This reminds me of an incident that happened one evening during Triduum, perhaps Holy Thursday. I am not quite certain of it, but I may have received a miracle. I was pressing my clothes for the evening and for Friday's services, and was rushing a bit. I was working on the tapered end of the ironing board, and had the iron turned away from myself. I had positioned my pants to press the pleated top, and inattentively reached for the iron when I felt something wrong. I looked down as I quickly withdrew my hand, and it looked like I had reached around the entire iron rather than grabbing the handle, and my finger appeared to have made contact with the base plate. But I was not burned in the slightest.

Again, I am not certain, but it seemed to me as if God had protected me from getting burned.

I'd like to be more certain, so that I could provide more assuring testimony to it.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to his disciples behind closed doors – Divine Mercy Sunday (step 29) - session 3b

Luke 24:36-49
Mk 16:14-18 (cont.)

Then he said to them, "These are my words which I spoke to you, while I was still with you, that everything written about me in the law of Moses and the prophets and the psalms must be fulfilled." Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures . . . - (Lk 24:44-45)

Why are there so many scripture readings at the Easter vigil service? Because all of creation's history is about Jesus!  How wonderful it must have been to hear him reveal the Scriptures' relevance to him, especially in the context of having just discovered that he was not dead, but alive!

And (he) said to them, "Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and on the third day rise from the dead, and that repentance and forgiveness of sins should be preached in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem.  You are witnesses of these things.  And behold, I send the promise of my Father upon you; but stay in the city, until you are clothed with power from on high." - (46-49)

We are back to the central truth discussed so recently. The purpose of the wondrous ministry of Jesus was to lead us to the forgiveness of our sins and the declaring of the boundless mercy of God!

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to his disciples behind closed doors – Divine Mercy Sunday (step 29) - session 3a

This session suggests two scriptures, which I suppose will be parallels from Luke's and Mark's gospels:
Luke 24:36-49
Mk 16:14-18

This is the last session for this step, so I'll break it into a couple pieces over the remaining days of the week.

As they were saying this, Jesus himself stood among them. But they were startled and frightened, and supposed that they saw a spirit. And he said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do questionings rise in your hearts? - (Lk 24:36-38)

I hope the two who'd just returned in haste from Emmaus weren't as troubled as the rest, since they'd just been privileged to spend some time with him. As for the rest, Jesus' question seems a little silly. "Why are you troubled? It's just me, risen from the dead! What's the problem?" I imagine that I'd have had my share of trouble and questioning in my heart, too! But he immediately takes steps to reassure them that he is not merely a ghost or a figment of their imaginations.

Today's word

stentorian \sten-TOR-ee-un\ - extremely loud

I'm not sure what I thought this word meant, but it wasn't this. Perhaps I thought it meant something like "spartan," which, given both words' origins, might be a little understandable (I hope).

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to his disciples behind closed doors – Divine Mercy Sunday (step 29) - session 2

John 20:24-29

I have written on multiple occasions about my namesake (though he is not central to all of these linked posts). I tend to be gentler with him than those who are so sure of themselves that they consider "doubting" to be among the worst of vices.

A deacon friend of mine has a take on this which is also more kind to Thomas. Suppose a group of your friends tells you that they've had an encounter with the risen Lord, but continues to act in the same fearful and perhaps even disobedient way that they had been acting before? They allege that Jesus, whom you'd just seen die (okay, there's no evidence that Thomas was close enough to actually witness his death, but stay with me) two days before, had risen from the dead and appeared among them. They tell you that he said "As the Father has sent me, so I send you," but you see them still huddling in a closed room, carefully locking the door as anyone enters or departs so that no one can burst in and arrest them, too. They aren't acting as if the one they've followed for the past three years has sent them forth; they're protecting their safety rather than putting their lives and reputations on the line to boldly proclaim what they had witnessed.

Wouldn't you doubt the veracity of their testimony, too?

(Thanks, Jon Danner, for this idea, which I've fleshed out just a little.)

So perhaps Thomas wasn't the only doubter among them. Maybe his doubt contributed to their own: if they couldn't convince this fellow disciple, then no one else would be likely to believe them either. Maybe their doubt aroused his: if they weren't any bolder than this, how could the news be true? Maybe their doubts were symbiotic. But Jesus addresses their doubts in a way that encourages us to this day: Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe. (29b)

Maybe one of the people to whom Jesus is referring here is his mother! I was thinking last night before prayer group how, after his resurrection, Jesus seems to have appeared only to those who needed reassurance - and perhaps his mother never wavered in her belief - or formation. This would be the best reason to disagree with St. Ignatius' conclusions regarding the inevitability of the risen Jesus appearing to his mom.

But certainly Jesus is also referring even to those in our own day who believe in him without the confirmation of some wondrous sign. We need to be careful not to dismiss these, in a couple of different ways, out of some sense of pride: "God doesn't work that way anymore," and "My faith is strong enough that I don't need to see a miracle; let those who are weaker than me flock to apparitions (etc.)," can be prideful dismissals both of the work of God today and of those who may be sincerely seeking him with a pure heart. That said, there is something to be said for those who have such security in him that they don't long to be witness to or recipient of such an incredible event and who do not envy those receive that gift, but simply believe that whatever gifts and reassurances God has put in their own life are sufficient to glorify him in the ways he desires for them.

That was way longer than I expected it to be.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to his disciples behind closed doors – Divine Mercy Sunday (step 29) - session 1c

Jn 20:19-23 (cont.)

. . . he breathed on them, and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." (22b-23)

Okay, one final thing here. It is widely understood in the Catholic Church that this "loosing" and "binding" of sins is an apostolic gift, and passed along to the priesthood via apostolic succession. Yet it is likewise evident through other gospel passages that we each are gifted by the Holy Spirit with the capacity and responsibility for forgiving those who sin against us. (I'm not going to look these up for now.)

It is the Holy Spirit who provides each of us with this capacity, which is counter to our human nature, by which we tend to wrap ourselves around our hurt, and in fact become bound by the sins we refuse to forgive. The Spirit allows us to receive healing when we offer forgiveness, but withholding forgiveness has the effect of stifling the Spirit's healing power in our lives.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to his disciples behind closed doors – Divine Mercy Sunday (step 29) - session 1b

Jn 20:19-23 (cont.)

I understand why the process of Lectio Divina calls for multiple readings of the same passage. Today I'm struck by this passage:

Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I send you." And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." (21-23)

It seems to me that these words are related to Jesus' response to Philip request at the Last Supper, when he said, "Lord, show us the Father, and we shall be satisfied." (Jn 14:8)  Jesus' reply included, "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I go to the Father." (14:12)

It is comparatively easy for us to see wondrous things for which there is no explanation and recognize in them the glory of God. In St. Luke's gospel, the scribes and Pharisees were amazed when the paralytic - whose determined friends had lowered him to Jesus through the roof - got up with his mat and walked away.

Yet Jesus made it clear in the moment: that sign was only performed so that we might understand that Jesus had the authority to forgive sins. Likewise, every physical healing that Jesus ever did was simply a means to display a greater truth: the mercy and forgiveness of God to us who sin.

Now, there has been great theological debate in recent years - and for all I know, since Jesus' time - concerning the necessity of Christ's fulfilling the ancient law with regard to the sacrifice required for the forgiveness of sins. Would a merciful God really establish the shedding of blood as a requirement for forgivenss? Many conclude that this doesn't sound very loving. But the offering of sacrifices was well established before Abraham was called to offer up Isaac as a holocaust; what if God merely assigned it a new meaning that would allow us to recognize our forgiveness in Christ Jesus?

Fr. Neuhaus expounds on the idea that a prerequisite for for forgiveness was needed not to satisfy God's sense of justice, but our own. God accepted our condemnation of him so that we might not condemn ourselves. So God's establishment of the need for blood sacrifice within the law was intended to allow us to have context in which to recognize and accept Jesus' sacrifice on our behalf. He very well knew what we were going to do to Him.

When Jesus promises we will do greater works than these, let us not forget that the greatest work of all is the forgiveness of sins that we might receive our spiritual freedom in place of our slavery to sin. "As the Father has sent me, even so I send you . . . Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven." The mission of the Church is the "greater work" which Jesus promised, not miracles that will pass from corporal existence when the bodies that have been healed are planted in the ground, but the greater miraculous healing of the soul for all eternity.

By comparison, nothing else matters, and in fact all other things matter only in this context.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to his disciples behind closed doors – Divine Mercy Sunday (step 29) - session 1a

On the evening of that day, the first day of the week, the doors being shut where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you." When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord.  Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I send you." And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." - Jn 20:19-23

There are places where there is great understatement in the words the evangelists use, and others where we fail to assign them their full import. We find examples of both in this brief passage.

First, the understatement: I imagine the disciples were exceedingly glad when they saw the Lord, once they got over their shock and fear. But perhaps this isn't such understatement: maybe they were still so very much taken aback by Jesus' appearance among them that their gladness was stifled, leading Jesus to repeat his greeting.

Of course Jesus' first message to them was one of peace. If my mother or father or sister were to appear in this room with me, I would likely need to be greeted with peace, too! I thought Fr. Dave did a wonderful job of capturing this idea in his homily of Easter morning. (Even though we had a different scripture passage, the point was still applicable.)

As for the statement we fail to fully grasp: As the Father has sent me, even so I send you. Now, in some ways this isn't fully possible: we haven't been with the Father since before the foundation of the universe, But so many aspects of Jesus' sending should be present in our own, too.

• We aren't to be content to remain where we are. Okay, we may not be coequal with God and seated on a throne of glory. Still, God's love for his lost children is great, and if we know the love of God in the slightest we should also be motivated to be about serving them rather than remaining where we are.
• Jesus had demonstrated in two dramatic ways the sort of humble service to which we are called. 
• First, he performed an act of hygiene which I've been told not even a menial slave could be forced to do. I think that the sanitized version we get at our Holy Thursday liturgies is good as far as it goes, but we don't have to deal with feet (our own or others') that have walked around in highly unsanitary conditions protected only by primitive sandals. 
• He then, of course, gave his life for us, in the most humiliating and agonizing way.

We may not, most of us, be called to lay down our lives so painfully, but we are nonetheless called to lay them down. As the Father has sent me, even so I send you. It is not sending with trumpet fanfare and promises of great recognition. But in it is the greatest glory of all.

Feeling like my namesake

Mass was pretty hard yesterday.

We'd had a rough night with our youngest grandson, who didn't want to do what he was supposed to do Saturday when it came to taking a time-out, not kicking his older sister in the stomach (hard), laying down at bed time, etc. We were exhausted.

It seemed at first as if Sunday morning was going better. He didn't get up well, but got moving well, went to RE agreeably. But when he got to Mass he didn't want to participate at all, including (especially) observing posture. I kind of expect that from a five- or six-year-old, but he's eight, and is supposed to be receiving first Communion in three weeks. He wouldn't listen to g-ma, again wouldn't respond appropriately to time-out. Oh, mom was supposed to be there, but bailed out - to no one's surprise, least of all her children's. Our grandson then tried to apologize when he realized that his behavior wasn't going to be rewarded with a doughnut, and got upset when that strategy failed. He tried to ask his aunt if he could have one, and since she wasn't aware that g-ma had restricted him from them, g-ma had to overrule the permission she had given him.

Okay, that has gotten me well past Mass. I didn't get to hear Fr. Dave's homily. The sound carries into the Holy Family chapel, but it's garbled, and I could only hear a little of it. I felt like I wasn't even attending Mass. I almost didn't receive Eucharist, I felt so disconnected from the community and from my faith. Of course we had to take the grandchildren home, which we'd tried to tell their mom the night before that we didn't have time to do, but had been cut off by her empty assurance that she was planning to come to Mass anyway.

Transforming (phase 4) - Jesus appears to his disciples behind closed doors – Divine Mercy Sunday (step 29) - Introduction

We can name a lot of reasons why the risen Lord's appearances to his disciples should be chosen by the church (or more accurately by our Lady and by the Holy Spirit) as Divine Mercy Sunday. We think of the apostles as heroes of the faith because of how they ended up, but this is a reminder of how God loves us too much to leave us defined by our worst moments.

The doubt of Thomas which forms a major theme of today's gospel reading is by no means the most extreme offense of his followers which the resurrected Christ forgives. Peter's denial and the abandonment of many of them come to mind. I am convinced that Judas' betrayal could even have been forgiven, and I have heard that the Orthodox Churches honor "St. Judas." Jesus probably would have found another way to be handed over to death for our sake, but as it happened, Judas' role was central in how Jesus delivered us from our sin.

Having received God's mercy so greatly, I should probably have a greater appreciation for the Divine Mercy devotion. I find that my role in music ministry keeps me so involved around the week of Easter that I choose not to enter into the novena, which needs to start - again, with perfect propriety - on Good Friday. But I am so grateful for the mercy of God, and I so long for all others to receive it, too.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

That moment when . . .

 . . . you realize that a friend is better off not being reminded of an "occasion" that people are celebrating that causes you mutual shared pain, and decide to bear it on your own instead since they aren't in a space where they'll be aware of it unless you selfishly call it to their attention.

(probably not a reader here, or I wouldn't mention it here, either.)

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 5

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.  For you have died, and your life is hid with Christ in God.  When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. - Col 3:1-4

Even with multiple reflections on scripture throughout the day, with time spent considering God's great love and mercy, with prayers of petition offered up for those I love, I find it challenging to keep my mind fixed on things that are above.

Yet this passage gets to the core of Easter: we have died in Christ to our sin, and have been raised with him to new life. Our life in him, then, should be a resurrected life, no longer rooted in our sinful nature but reformed, conformed, confirmed, and transformed - and thereby rooted - in Christ Jesus.

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 4e

John 24:1-18 (cont.)

A moment for Peter and John.

Again, Don Francisco did such a wonderful job of delving into this, especially from Peter's perspective. But he assumed what the scriptures may only imply, and perhaps only if we don't read them carefully enough. We do not read that John's belief was in contrast to Peter's unbelief, and I have indicated earlier why we perhaps shouldn't assume that the common understanding about Peter's frame of mind should be taken from the simple statement about John's, "he saw and believed."

Suppose Peter believed, but was afraid of the ramifications of his denial, as Don Francisco suggests?

When at last it came to choices, I denied I knew his name
And even if he was alive, it wouldn't be the same

Suppose both believed, but were unsure of what do about it, of what must come next?

Suppose they went to tell the others?

We know that John, at least, believed that Jesus had risen as he'd foretold. Perhaps it was the belief of these two apostles that resulted in the disciples later being gathered? We will save more about that speculation for the next step.

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 4d

John 24:1-18 (cont.)

Mary Magdalene's heart was so heavy that she just had to be with Jesus' dead body, had to lament and mourn over him, had to be as close as she could to the empty shell of his flesh that was all she thought she had left of him. Peter and John had run to the tomb, saw what there was to see, and gone away, but she had to remain, to weep, to mourn. He had given her her only hope, and now he was gone. You can hear the torment in her words as she answers the angels, "they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him."  I have no hope left, and now I don't even have his corpse to cry over. Likewise, to the "gardener," "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away."  You've disturbed his tomb; please let me lay him to rest, care for what is left of him. Can't you please give a broken
, hopeless again woman just that much?

Was it Jesus radically different appearance that caused her not to recognize him, or her own tear-filled eyes?

At last he speaks her name, and her hope is alive again!

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 4c

John 24:1-18 (cont.)

But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb, and as she wept she stooped to look into the tomb; and she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had lain, one at the head and one at the feet. 
They said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She said to them, "Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him." - (11-13)

Mary also, then, returned to the tomb, though she is not mentioned in the narrative describing what John and Peter saw. Evidently they didn't pass her on their way back "home," or stop to share what they saw and what John believed. Instead she is left with her grief, with not even her fellow women with her to comfort her in John's account. She answers their query with the most plausible account, one which would tend to worsen her grief.

Saying this, she turned round and saw Jesus standing, but she did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom do you seek?" Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away." Jesus said to her, "Mary." She turned and said to him in Hebrew, "Rab-bo'ni!" (which means Teacher). - (14-16)

Mistaking him for the gardener. Jesus' resurrected appearance must have been very different from prior to his death, as at least three appearances in John's gospel involve people who loved and followed him failing to recognize him. Then he calls her by name, and she knows his voice, just as he described in the Good Shepherd discourse (Jn 10:3), leading her out of her sadness. And he tells her to go share the news with the disciples, which of course she does (17-18).

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 4b

John 24:1-18 (cont.)

This is a narrative we can see ourselves in.

What do you mean his body isn't there?? And off they go, with the presumably younger John outpacing Peter. Even given the latter's denial of Jesus, John still defers to him with regard to entering the tomb. (How odd that the RSV refers to the cloth covering his head as "the napkin.")

It occurs to me that John's statement that he saw and believed does not speak at all to whether Peter believed. Perhaps John didn't feel qualified to speak about what Peter believed in that moment, because he didn't experience what Peter thought and felt as he did his own thoughts and feelings. As for the disciples returning "home," or "to their homes," I'm pretty sure this is whatever was passing for home in Jerusalem, rather than returning to their homes in Galilee.

Did they return there in order to bear tidings of what they had seen to the other disciples? Or were they still uncertain what to share, even though at least one of them believed?

I wonder what it is like for those who receive miracles in modern times? If it is something like our friends' daughter whose hearing was restored, there isn't too much to doubt: she couldn't hear before, and now she can. But some healings are not so obvious, even to the recipient, right?  And even if you're certain, knowing how to share would take wisdom.

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 4a

Jn 20:1-18

In St. John's account, Mary Magdalene finds the empty tomb by herself, in the dark of the morning, presumably when she can see just enough to know that his body wasn't there. He specifies that she then ran to the apostles, telling Peter and John what she had seen. (I can't read this account without thinking of one of my favorite Easter songs, which might actually interfere with my own engagement of the senses later today; since this step is about the women, I'll likely focus more on Mary then, or maybe do a separate reflection on the men since we won't be revisiting this scripture later in this final phase.)

But for now, this is enough: Mary, alone, likely confused, determined to make haste to tell the others who have loved him what she has seen.

First up this morning, a weird dream

Out of the thunderstorms which kept us awake last night, the last of which seemed to pass right over the house:

It started in an old house in Maryland, where there was a vanity that had belonged to my mom, where she left some things for me. There was hair from my sister's and from my first haircuts, and a couple other childhood mementos. Then there was an envelope, and when I opened it I discovered that my biological father wasn't the stranger whose name and (very limited) history she'd made up, but was my uncle. This made my cousins my siblings!  Oh, there was something in that dream about telling this to my soon-to-be former son-in-law while he was in the bath in my grandparents' (now my aunt's) house, and an old pick-up truck with no brakes that my uncle had left for me. Very weird stuff.

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 3d

Lk 24:1-12 (cont.)

Rather than revisit with the senses and emotions the parts of this story that are similar to the other synoptic accounts, I will try to focus on the differences.

Has someone arrived already? How is the stone rolled away? As we enter, what is this? Where is his body? Why would someone unwrap our Lord's body and take it away?? We are all so confused.

What are these dazzling figures doing here? We fall on our knees at their feet, for they shine with a glory that fills us with great fear! They must be very powerful beings . . .

What wondrous tidings they bring us! Can it be true? It is so amazing, we can scarcely believe it, but for the first time we begin to have hope again! Let us go tell the apostles; the ones whom Jesus chose will surely know what to do about this.

But of course, our story is to incredible to break through their grief. They do not believe us. We had such a wondrous tale to tell, but we cannot get them to pay any attention to it. They dismiss us as if we have been driven mad by our grief.  You saw it though, right, the same as I did? You heard what they said to us? He is risen, and that means that he is with us again, somewhere . . . .

Verse 12 will wait for the next step.

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 3c

Lk 24:1-12 (cont.)

Now it was Mary Mag'dalene and Jo-an'na and Mary the mother of James and the other women with them who told this to the apostles; but these words seemed to them an idle tale, and they did not believe them. (10-11)

The disciples, of course, disregard the women's account, even though there is a group of them. Perhaps they attribute it to a mass hallucination? This seems indicative of the historical disregard of women by men.

(I once had a good friend who swore she'd had an encounter with a poltergeist. I was similarly dismissive, though not aloud. The thing is, I was very supportive of her spiritual gifts; she had a supernatural gift for knowing current and future events that were not the result of mere insight. Perhaps this experience she'd had was another manifestation of spiritual knowledge and I should have given her more credit.

Part of it, I suppose, is that I don't believe in ghosts, in the traditional sense. I believe in spiritual beings, but not in ghosts. I find plenty of biblical evidence for spiritual influences, but none for the dead remaining present in this world after they pass on. But perhaps this was then a spiritual being, a demon, who was able to manifest spiritually for some reason?)

Jesus was remarkable for removing women from the sidelines, even if he didn't name any of them as apostles. When Jewish society cast them out and heaped ignominy upon them - especially in situations in which men were equally culpable - he sought to reconcile and affirm them.

In the verse omitted from this online version of the RSV, Peter heeds the news and makes haste to the tomb, which he leaves in wonder after seeing the linen cloths there by themselves.

St. Luke does not have the apostles directed by the angel to return to Galilee.

Today's doublet

That there should be a close relationship between travel and travail is no surprise. I'd have been wrong, though, had I guessed at which one first traveled into English, and I'd never have associated the other with its Latin origins.

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 3b

Lk 24:1-12 (cont.)

In Luke's account, as in Mark's, the women arrive to find the stone rolled away (2) and proceed to enter the tomb. Now they find it empty (3), and have a moment of perplexity before two angels appear (4). Filled with fear, they drop to the ground before the heavenly figures (5a). This must be one of the few angelic appearances in which the angels' first recorded words do not directly address the witnesses' fear; there is no do not be afraid here. They do, however, immediately address the women's confusion caused by the absence of Jesus' body. (5b-7) This account also seems to indicate that the women had been witness to Jesus' prophecy regarding his death and resurrection (8), though perhaps this verse should apply to the women remembering the angels' words as they report back to the apostles (9).

A poopy morning

Poop in my dreams, in the wee hours. An accident from a three-year old when dad came to pick her up, which I am thankful to have missed because of being at work. Let's hope it stays literal, and that it doesn't continue.

Oh, the current trend started with an accident from the dog yesterday, which I also missed out on. (Shucks!)

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 3a

Lk 24:1-12 (except you won't find verse 12 at that location)

St. Luke does not at first name the women, simply referring to them in the previous chapter as the women who had come with him from Galilee (23:55). He agrees with Mark about their mission on that first Easter morning, that they took spices with them to the tomb. Later, in verse 11, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Joanna are mentioned by name, and Salome is not, though she certainly could be included among the other women with them. 

I'll probably want to mention this again tomorrow when considering St. John's account, but all four evangelists agree that a woman or a group of women gets to be first to proclaim that Jesus is risen.

The grand illusion

“I didn’t think stuff like this happened in nice neighborhoods, huh?” - a neighbor's response to an apparent murder-suicide involving a centenarian and his 88-year-old wife.

Right. Only evil people only do their evil deeds only in evil places.

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 2d

Mt 28:1-10 (cont.) - engaging the senses

I am imagining Mary as being grateful to have Mary here to lean on; I wouldn't say actually comforting one another, just being miserably sad together so that both can somehow go on.  It is so hard to believe he is gone, so toward dawn we set out to visit the tomb where they hastily laid him on Friday. Again the cool morning air and dampness on the ground - perhaps there was a light rain last night?  The sun is rising, but is it a clear day or a cloudy one? It was cloudy where I am today, so perhaps this was the experience of these women, too.

We feel the earth begin to shake, again. It had done so on Friday as he breathed his last, so this memory multiplies the fear we already fear at the quaking of the ground.  But who is this bright figure that before our eyes, bleary from our early rising and our grief? Is he rolling the stone away? Why does he now sit upon it?

He is speaking to us, his voice is comforting but his words are strange. Do not be afraid? Tell a bird not to fly! It is all we can do not to fly away ourselves! He is not here, for he is risen? What do you mean, risen? He is inviting us to look, and indeed, his body is not there, and there is no smell of death here. Could he be alive, as this angel has said?  Let us go in haste to tell the disciples!

Then, as we rush along our way, there he is! O, precious Rabboni! We fall at his feet for joy and in awe of this wonder! Yes, of course we will tell the brothers whatever you wish!

still . . .

. . . feeling this

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 2c

Matt 28:1-10 (cont.)

So they departed quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to tell his disciples.- (8)

Can great joy and fear coexist? I think it can. As a new first-time parent I probably felt both at the same time. Athletes who get their first major league call-up likely experience some amount of the two together.

What are the women afraid of? That it might not be true? That they won't be believed? That it might indeed be true?

Don't we have the same fears?

Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid; go and tell my brethren to go to Galilee, and there they will see me." - (10)

Doesn't Jesus say the same to each of us. Don't be afraid. Go share the news!

A poor steward

On the way back from lunch I heard a radio preacher making the point that everything we think of as "ours" is merely something which God has entrusted to our care, and our stewardship of these items will be called to an accounting at the end.

I'd be a bit fearful of that if I didn't believe that this can get twisted into as much of a misunderstanding of grace as any other approach that makes our eternal destiny a matter of our own effort.

But it occurs to me that there is one thing which God has entrusted to my stewardship for which I still do the poorest job of caring, nor do I really have any idea of how I'm going to fix that problem. I have so long abused my own heart, and made choices affecting it that can never be undone, that I don't know how to care for it.

Maybe I never have.

Take, Lord, receive all my liberty, 
my memory, my understanding
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.

You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.

Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace.
That is enough for me. - Prayer of St. Ignatius

Which reminds me: when we prayed the Litany of the Saints at Easter Vigil, I smiled a bit more broadly when we got to St. Ignatius.

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 2b

Mt 28:1-10 (cont.)

In my initial visit to this Easter morning account, the process of comparing and contrasting with St. Mark's version may have led me to cover too much ground. Let me see if I can manage to do more with less this time.

There is no task of love motivating the Marys visit in Matthew's account, just two heartbroken women who are still trying to say goodbye to a person they loved deeply. Come to think of it, we don't get much discussion of the "other Mary," who is probably the same woman Mark describes as the mother of James; there is some question about whether this might also be whom St. John recounts as standing by the cross with Jesus' mother: Mary, the wife of Clopas. All of which is to say: it isn't clear whether she was herself mourning Jesus or just supporting Mary Magdalene in her grief. Based on the joy she subsequently shares at the words of the angel, I tend to believe that it is the former. So the beginning of this scene has at least one and likely two grief-stricken women approaching a place of death with no expectation of finding anything but a place to continue to grieve, to come to grips with Jesus' passing.

What a blessing it is for them to become the first people to see and then to proclaim the risen Lord! As when a friend receives an unanticipated and unprecedented blessing, I find my heart fills with joy for them.

Today's words

anfractuous \an-FRAK-chuh-wus\ - full of windings and intricate turnings : tortuous

I'm going to insist on pronouncing the third syllable of this great new word as \-tuh-\ instead of \-chuh-\.

Although this was the only new word in the busy Triduum and Easter days in which I didn't do more than see what the WOTD was, the etymology of one very familiar word strikes my funny bone. Also, its Name That Synonym answer was new to me, but made perfect sense as soon as I unscrambled it:

moonish \ˈmü-nish\ - influenced by the moon; also : capricious

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 2a

Mt 28:1-10

Here we see some of the differences between gospels which lead some to conclude that the gospel must not be true. Omitting Salome is just a detail, but an earthquake and an angel descending from heaven with an appearance as bright as the lightning, as compared to Mark's "young man dressed in a white robe"? But since it has been widely speculated that Mark's gospel was written first, and since he wouldn't have been around yet for the events, he may have been more cautious about recording details that Matthew would have experienced more directly.

So in St. Matthew's account we have an earthquake and an angel that render the guards paralyzed with fear. I'm not sure most people have experienced fear like this, and I am glad of it. Because they have not entered the tomb, the angel invites them to see where Jesus' had lain in repose. Matthew records the women's fear, but also their joy at the tidings, and indicates that their departure is for the purpose of obeying the angel's instructions. Jesus meets them both, again directing the disciples to return to Galilee, where he will meet them.

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 1c

So the last reflection on each session will be an attempt to engage the senses in imagining what each Scripture passage might have been like for the participants. I believe in addition to the actual senses, I may also engage what I think the principals might be feeling and thinking, to the degree that I have not done so in previous sessions.

So again, Mk 16:1-11

(2) Very early, when the sun had risen, they went to the tomb. The days were around the same length as now, near the equinox, so the sun is low in the sky to the east. Even though it may grow quite warm later in the day, the morning air is likely cool, and perhaps there is dew on the ground. The air would likely smell fresh this early in the morning, and perhaps there would be the chirping of birds busy with their morning activity. We are dejected, and speaking despondently from our heavy hearts to one another (3) we expect that we are on a fool's errand, that we will not be likely to actually reach our beloved Teacher's broken body to anoint it because of the heavy stone that was placed before the entrance to the tomb. We can scarcely believe that he ended like this; he was such a bright hope for us. (4) We are shocked to see that the stone no longer blocks the entrance to the tomb, which surprises us. Who might have come here before us? Surely no one would have undertaken the labor of moving the stone on the sabbath? But we are at first relieved to have this obstacle removed from our path, so that we can be about our sorrowful errand of love. Oh, how we loved him. Tears continue to come and go, and nearly obscure our vision. We are dealing with congestion, too, in our sinuses, because of our tears. (5) So as we enter the tomb we do not notice, at first, that the smell of death that we expected to encounter is not absent, and through our bleary eyes it is hard to make out the white-robed figure to the right of where we expected to find our beloved Master. What is this? Where is he? What have you done with him?

(6-7) We hear words that make no sense at all. (This makes no more sense than when my mother told me, at age 14, that my dad was suddenly and gravely taken ill and we had to return home rather than complete our vacation as planned. This is not the same sort of news, but it has no more feeling of reality. If seems unreal.) His voice is calm, and he is trying to reassure us, but still my heart is filled with fear from the unprecedented unfamiliarity of these words. We knew what was supposed to happen, and to experience this instead seems as if we have been robbed of him again! We cannot even care for his body as we have come to do! We are confounded, afraid, and angry! How can we go share this impossible tale with the disciples? (8) We run out from the tomb; this strangers words bring us nothing but confusion and anxiety; they are certainly nothing we can hope in, for they are too foreign. Leaving the tomb, Mary and Salome leave me behind as I try to process what we have heard.

(9) Then my beloved appears before me. Oh, how is this possible? Dear One, beloved Lord! It is you! How is it that you are alive? I had lost you, forever, I was sure! Oh, how I long to remain with you! (10) But as you command, Lord, I go and tell your disciples of your rising. I rush out of the garden, along the dirt roads, pass through the gate and soon begin covering the stony streets of the city. I quickly reach the house in which they are gathered, filled with the same grief and sorrow which consumed me such a brief time ago. (11) I am a simple person, and I tell what I have seen, but my words have no power to break through their sadness. I myself didn't believe until my beloved Jesus appeared to me himself. Peter was the most despondent of all. I am so disappointed for them, but I cannot make them believe what I have seen.

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - session 1b

Mk 16:1-11 (cont.)
Now when he rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, from whom he had cast out seven demons. She went and told those who had been with him, as they mourned and wept. But when they heard that he was alive and had been seen by her, they would not believe it. - (9-11)

Though he doesn't say so explicitly, this appearance to Mary apparently happened after the women scattered following the appearance of the angel instructing them to tell the disciples that Jesus was risen from the dead. Even though Jesus had started preparing Peter, James and John following the Transfiguration (9:9-10), the news was too great for the disciples to believe.

I can understand their skepticism on multiple grounds. First of all there was the emotional turmoil they'd just experienced, seeing their hope crushed by Jesus' crucifixion. I can completely understand their hesitation to put any further hope in him. Further, there was the intellectual resistance. They had seen him raise Jairus' daughter (5:22-43), but he had been alive to do it. Or perhaps they didn't fully believe that the girl had indeed died. (Limiting myself here to St. Mark's gospel for examples.)

I struggle with far lesser elements of faith than Jesus' resurrection. I assume it's true, and still doubt the full implications of that assumption with regard to my own guilt. If this story were being told about me, approaching the 20th anniversary of my worst day and describing Jesus' role in my own life and my forgiveness in him, perhaps a neutral observer would write, he would not believe it.  But I'm trying to, and asking the Holy Spirit to help me to.

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. (9:24)

Easter Monday

Even though I attended Mass to begin this vacation day - which I took to decompress from the busy Easter weekend - I have nonetheless felt isolated and adrift all day. It remains like a millstone, which even the joyful celebration of Christ's resurrection cannot overcome without more active engagement on my part. My meditation on the Exercises seems to be helpful.

Transforming (phase 4) - The risen Jesus appears to Mary and to the other women (step 28) - introduction and session 1a

Actually, St. Ignatius includes "his mother" before "Mary" in the title of this step. Even though no such appearance is documented in Scripture, he considered it impossible that Jesus would fail to comfort his deeply grieving mother.

I wonder, when he entered eternity, did he learn that he was correct or mistaken? I find it odd to believe that such an appearance would fail to be captured by either St. Luke, who documented so much of Mary's role in Jesus' Incarnation, or St. John, who included her presence at the cross. But since "the other disciple" had taken her into his care, and was presumably the eyewitness providing this testimony so that we may believe, we may be confident that Mary was fully aware of her son's resurrection. Since all links on the Step-by-step Retreats website to the Manual for the retreat are broken, including the one for his meditation on Jesus' appearance to his mother, for the present I will forgo any further consideration of St. Ignatius' point of view on this.

On entering this step I see that I should consider each Scripture four times throughout this phase. If I had been aware of this earlier I would have done the first one this morning! I will attempt to follow this pattern for future sessions, as I can see that this will provide an opportunity for a variety of encounter with Jesus in each of his appearances.This will also keep me from feeling that I must cover all desired aspects in one sitting. So my plan for each iteration is to read each passage in full, and to pick one or two particular thoughts on which to focus my attention. (Since I missed this morning, I'll double up now.)

Mk 16:1-11

And he said to them, "Do not be amazed; you seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen, he is not here; see the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him, as he told you." And they went out and fled from the tomb; for trembling and astonishment had come upon them; and they said nothing to any one, for they were afraid. - (6-8)

Pope Francis shared a wonderful insight of an insight we might take from the angel's instruction to the disciples through Mary Magdalene, Clopas' wife Mary and Salome. Galilee is where Jesus and most of the disciples were from, and where his ministry started. By directing their return there, Pope Francis suggests that they are being told to go back to where things began. There they were to reevaluate every aspect of their time with Jesus - perhaps even of their lives - in the new light of his resurrection.

I find his reference to "his disciples and Peter" significant. Some interpret this as a nod to Peter's role as leader of the church. I wonder if it might just be because his denial of Jesus might cause him to consider himself not to be a disciple any longer. The angel is indicating that Peter is not to exclude himself, and perhaps explicitly indicating to the disciples, if Peter had already confessed to them, that they are not to exclude him, either.

In fact, I find the inclusion of Peter's denial in all four gospels one of the most important validating elements in all of Scripture. If this were a hoax, would the writers have included such a disparaging account of one of the "cult's" preeminent leaders? It would require a remarkable degree of insight into human psychology for them to do so, one that is largely missing from modern cults even after an additional two millenia of learning about human nature.

My final thoughts on these few verses. They fled and were deeply afraid, and this does not so much appear to be fear of the chief priests and temple authorities as of the news itself. As a result, none of them appear to obey the angel's instruction at this time. But perhaps they did not understand him to be an angel. Nonetheless, their fear and uncertainty cause them not to immediately go and tell the disciples the tidings they have been told.

The fourth phase: Transforming

It is important to remember that these experiences, the sorrow as well as the joy are gifts of the Holy Spirit to pray for during the Exercises and not to be induced by will or performing certain techniques. - Introduction to the fourth phase

The fourth phase is subtitled "To transform the confirmed, or the unitive way in joy." I am feeling a little disunitive, to tell you the truth, because of doing these exercises on my own rather than with my companion. But decades of experience tell me that this is the way it must be, and that I must not allow it to become a source of division between us.

The introduction to this phase emphasizes the importance of not entering it just because of what the calendar says or because it should be time based on having gone through the third phase. Still, I had a significant association with Jesus' passion and death in the third phase, and have very much entered into the celebration of Jesus' resurrection. As a result, I judge that moving on to the fourth phase while the Church is celebrating the season of Easter fits with where I am spiritually an emotionally.

I appreciate that the retreat masters emphasize that our experiences of sorrow in Jesus' suffering and joy in his resurrection are not things to try to force by artifice or technique. I think it bears mentioning, as well, that they are more than merely our human emotional response to what we're hearing in these readings, both liturgically and in the exercises. I'm not sure what sort of personal transformation I might find in this phase, but I'm looking forward to discovering what the Holy Spirit has in mind. I'm also glad to be free of the severe time constraints that the liturgical calendar placed on the previous phase. I can afford time to reflect at the beginning of this phase before entering any of its steps, a luxury that was not available in the third phase. I am grateful that the availability of a vacation day on Thursday allowed me greater time to devote to reflection on the steps that were pertinent to that day. Perhaps had I realized how intensive this Triduum would become I might have opted out of some of my normal choir responsibilities for the sake of more time in these Exercise. Still, it is clear that my initial completion of them will afford opportunity to revisit the things that were skimmed over in the interest of remaining in step with the liturgical calendar, and in the process may further develop the pattern of daily reflection that contributes to deeper knowledge of my Savior's love.