I must take these events in a different order from that presented in the retreat. I cannot break the Matthew reading at verse 26 as indicated, so I will reflect here on Mt 26:17-25.
The disciples by now must no longer have been shocked to find things as Jesus told them they would, especially following so closely upon his entry into Jerusalem. It is easier for us, in our skeptical age, to believe that Jesus had arranged things with the owners of both the colt and the upper room in secret, outside of his disciples view. But arranging your own death so that you could "predict" it for your followers would be a bit extreme, and his death and resurrection are the most impressive things for which Jesus prepared them in advance.
Some - well, I - interpreted Jesus' words about it being better for the one who betrays him "if he had not been born" to mean that Judas was condemned for eternity. Certainly popular thinking would conclude that he, of all people in history, should be. And if we end up in heaven for eternity, isn't whatever we have gone through in this life to get there worth it?
Being unable to deny the facts of my own betrayal makes me a bit less hesitant to judge even Judas for his. And the truth that overcomes my own betrayal makes me dare to hope that Judas - indeed, that every single one of my broken and lost siblings - ultimately enters into eternal Grace that is greater than any sin. In places, Scripture seems to indicate otherwise, and I am not going to argue with God over this. But I will hope, and pray.
For when I imagine myself in the midst of this account, I am not so utterly foolish as to ask Jesus: is it I?
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