These next four sessions were observed in a holy hour before the Blessed Sacrament, written down and subsequently entered here. The time stamp reflects when I started each reflection. Throughout them, any thoughts I add as I enter them will be in green text.
My soul is sorrowful even to death
Mt 26:36-56
Then he said to them, "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death" - (38a)
Even as we celebrate the glory of the cross of Christ, it is good to remember that Jesus' sacrifice is about our guilt. I suppose that it isn't entirely bad for us to feel a bit of that guilt in association with that memory, but the cross is not about our feelings of guilt, but rather the reality of it: Jesus, the innocent One, took on my guilt not so that I might flagellate myself, nor that I allow Satan to continue to accuse me of it, but that I might be free of it once and for all. (St. Paul uses that phrase ot mean "for all people," but here I mean "for all my sins.")
But what a great burden of sorrow it placed upon him, and if I, two millenia later, wish to be like and with Jesus, it is good for me to be with him in sorrow over my sin - "and those of the whole world." (Chaplet of Divine Mercy)
One can argue about the theological necessity of Jesus' sacrifice, but necessary or not, Jesus did this in love for me. And he has just told me (Jn 15:13) that there is no greater love than this.
"Remain here, and watch with me." - (38b)
We (our parish) closed our (indoor, due to weather) Eucharistic procession this year with Taize: Stay Here and Keep Watch. We (all of us) don't generally do a very good job of remaining present to Jesus and being watchful. [Other verses form the remainder of this song's refrain. The hour is at hand. (45) Watch and pray. (41, more below)]
And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping; and he said to Peter, "So, could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation." - (40-41a)
When we sing Stay Here and Keep Watch, we may have the impression that Jesus told the disciples to pray for him. Rather, he was telling them - and tells us - to be watchful and pray against our own temptation. Since he knows he is delivering us from our sin, why does he yet tell us this? Because sin has a terrible impact on our lives even after we have been forgiven from it! How poorly we understand this basic reality.
"The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." - (41b)
This is true of our own vigilance against sin as it was of the disciples' prayer vigil. Was this also a continuance of the prophecy of Peter's denial?
St. Peter became a great saint in his humility, finding boldness in Christ through the Holy Spirit rather than himself, and would have been the first to argue against the aptness of the adjective "great" being applied to him. Pray for me, St. Peter, for my own sin has been so great at times that it has threatened to define me. Focusing wrongly on my sin instead of on Jesus leaves me more vulnerable to sin again in other ways. As you found your identity in Christ rather than in anything that you did, may it be for me.
So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words. - (44)
Threes abound. Three times Jesus prays. Three times his most trusted apostles' fall asleep. Three times Peter denies him. (Would that it were only three for me.) Three days of death and tomb. Three times affirming his love for Jesus. Three divine Persons delivering my salvation.
"Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand." - (46)
Indeed I am. Thank you, precious Jesus, for receiving my betrayal, and for reconciling me from it.
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