… but not what I will but what you will
Mk 14:32-52
This account of Jesus' agony in the garden is nearly identical to St. Matthew's but the retreat master has provided us with a different meditation focus.
Not what I will, but what you wilt. - (36b)
We expend great physical and mental energy trying to bend God's will to our own rather than conforming ours to his. The Holy Spirit bestows sufficient faith to trust God enough to be at peace when my will cannot be done, especially when I would otherwise fear God's alternative plan, if I will trust in his love for me. I can trust God the Father, and I can trust also in Jesus (Jn 14:1), by the Spirit's grace, and echo this prayer of his when I need to. Actually, I should develop the habit of this prayer when I don't think I need to, because there are doubtless an abundance of occasions in which I don't realize that I am following my own will to the exclusion of God's better plan.
Like Jesus, I can offer these words in the face of my own temptation, trusting that God's will for me is for a far greater glory than the pleasure which that temptation represents.
And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were very heavy; and they did not know what to answer him. - (40)
Here is a difference from Matthew's account. The disciples were too flummoxed to offer to Jesus so much as an apology for leaving him alone in his prayer vigil. When we are weak and honest, we also have no answer except for the one to which Jesus is headed, or rather, the One who is headed there to drink the cup for my sake.
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