I forgot that our guest had been through our RCIA program, so I was unprepared for her observation that she had the same Advent wreath, and had similarly adorned it with something sparse yet decorative to dress it up a little. I didn't want to digress into the story of how we came to have ours. It still hurts to have misread someone so badly, especially someone who ended up so callously hurting our daughter..
We were so glad when she had found someone with whom she seemed to have a good relationship, and though he wasn't Catholic he seemed open to learning about God and our faith. They were married, and not long thereafter he started inquiring about our faith, attending the inquirer's group at Rita's house, and soon decided to enter the RCIA process. I was honored when he asked me to sponsor him, and tried to support him well. I had answers for most of the questions he had along the way, but of course that is all head stuff.
And it turns out he probably never had a heart encounter with Jesus in the Holy Spirit. Within a year after he was baptized at Easter vigil, he broke up with our daughter and left the church. He did agree to meet with me soon thereafter to talk about things, and I think he really resented himself for being even momentarily influenced to think differently about things from how he had made up his mind. But his heart was already hardened; he was determined to file for divorce and would brook no consideration of any other course of action.
A couple of years later he sought a reconciliation with our daughter. My wife and I recognized as a result of their past experiences that they would probably benefit from some counseling so that they didn't repeat their mistakes, and recommended this to our daughter, but he was not open to the suggestion and she was determined to try to work things out anyway. The most telling indicator we had was that he was secretive with his family about resuming their relationship. Too, he seemed different: more jaded, I suppose, not as open. He didn't share himself as freely, or laugh as easily; though we weren't the first to notice it, he was often caustic and his humor was biting. She acceded when he asked her to move into an apartment with him, but within a week he moved back out, sticking her with the lease, practically boasting to the rental office that he didn't care when they pointed out the adverse effect this would have on her credit. Fortunately they recognized the predicament he had placed her in - there was no way she could afford the place on just her own income - and didn't rake her over the coals with penalties.
On the one hand, I recognize that he treated her terribly, and that he has his own issues to deal with that were at work in their relationship all along. I'm glad he can't hurt her anymore. His subsequent pursuit of our next-door neighbor's friendship (and he wanted more) was in poor judgment. And yet every time I get out this wreath that he received in the RCIA program, as his sponsor in the faith I am reminded of his hurting soul. I pray for him to return to the faith that he never truly embraced the first time around, and for his brokenness to be healed. Lord, please be at work in his life and transform his heart into a place where your Spirit abides.
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