Saturday, June 30, 2012
Just desserts
Wow. Just read about Lance Armstrong's ad hominem attack on one of the USADA reviewing board's members. He may have been a world class cyclist, and I've never much held it against him that reaching that level of success probably involved utilizing all that cheats that all the other world class cyclists in the world were using at that time.
But between the way he treated Greg LeMond and this latest stunt: he's also a world class asshole, and if he did cheat, I hope he gets the result he deserves from the whole process.
But between the way he treated Greg LeMond and this latest stunt: he's also a world class asshole, and if he did cheat, I hope he gets the result he deserves from the whole process.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Conflicting thoughts on SCOTUS decision
I suppose the part that most concerns me about the Supreme Court decision on the PPACA will probably never apply to me. Still, it offends my sense of . . . well, of America . . . that an independently wealthy person who can pay their own way for health care if they wish is now obliged to purchase health insurance. It goes beyond mandatory auto insurance coverage laws which - at least in my experience - allow one of sufficient means to demonstrate their ability to meet their financial obligations in other ways than by being compelled to purchase an insurance product that they don't need, either directly or through a punitive tax. Yet I'm glad that, in upholding the law, the court at least did not conclude that Congress' power to regulate commerce includes a power to compel it. That would have scary implications.
(I'm setting aside my fears of health care rationing, which I'm not completely convinced are unfounded but which seem somewhat paranoid and Orwellian.)
Entirely on the opposite hand, I'm also a father and grandfather whose daughters and grandchildren have pre-existing medical conditions, the sort of thing for which the insurance industry consistently refused to make reasonable accommodation until they were compelled to do so. I'm relieved that this will not be problematic for them or the millions of other Americans with medical diagnoses that will never be correctable.
I've also been appalled by the perceived politicization of the Supreme Court. I feel relieved that this decision did not break along the presumed ideological boundaries, though the only one who diverged therefrom was Chief Justice Roberts. I agree with those who speculate that he may have voted differently as an associate justice, and can't help feeling that this sense that his official position on this issue was more statesmanlike than judicial. That isn't necessarily bad; so many on the left had been left feeling disenfranchised by previous Court decisions, often disproportionately to the decisions' rationality. This is potentially a healing decision with regard to the Court's public perception, which may be a good thing except insofar as it creates an environment in which political ramifications play a role in the Court's decision making process.
I find myself pretty much in agreement with two opinions from today's Washington Post written from antipodal perspectives, who conclude by agreeing nonetheless with this ruling: the paper's editorial board, and then one of their regular conservative op-ed contributors:
This is a complicated matter, and I have feelings and opinions in support of both sides of it. The founders' recognition that the success of the grand experiment that is our nation would depend on the willingness of the people to be governable is no less true today than it ever has been. As we individuals increasingly act in our own best interest, it may become ever more necessary for our government to exert more power in more ways than ever, and we ought not believe for a moment that "totalitarian democracy" is an oxymoron.
(I'm setting aside my fears of health care rationing, which I'm not completely convinced are unfounded but which seem somewhat paranoid and Orwellian.)
Entirely on the opposite hand, I'm also a father and grandfather whose daughters and grandchildren have pre-existing medical conditions, the sort of thing for which the insurance industry consistently refused to make reasonable accommodation until they were compelled to do so. I'm relieved that this will not be problematic for them or the millions of other Americans with medical diagnoses that will never be correctable.
I've also been appalled by the perceived politicization of the Supreme Court. I feel relieved that this decision did not break along the presumed ideological boundaries, though the only one who diverged therefrom was Chief Justice Roberts. I agree with those who speculate that he may have voted differently as an associate justice, and can't help feeling that this sense that his official position on this issue was more statesmanlike than judicial. That isn't necessarily bad; so many on the left had been left feeling disenfranchised by previous Court decisions, often disproportionately to the decisions' rationality. This is potentially a healing decision with regard to the Court's public perception, which may be a good thing except insofar as it creates an environment in which political ramifications play a role in the Court's decision making process.
I find myself pretty much in agreement with two opinions from today's Washington Post written from antipodal perspectives, who conclude by agreeing nonetheless with this ruling: the paper's editorial board, and then one of their regular conservative op-ed contributors:
This road we're on, toward the government more closely directing our health care system, may have become inevitable as that system transitioned from being primarily ministry (religious or secular) into being driven by business interests, insurance companies, shareholder profit and loss, and actuarial tables. Business is cold-hearted by nature, and this product is so essential to every citizen's well-being that this business may indeed need to be regulated more severely than any other business arena. I'm concerned for some of those ramifications. I'm saddened by what this may mean for those who still consider everything they do a ministry that they undertake out of love, who are forced in various ways into a set of options which may all violate their consciences in one way or another. And I'm concerned for doctors who may find their livelihood more threatened than ever before by factors beyond their control, including their patients' willingness to understand and adhere to the courses of action that are best for themselves."Now the arguments over Obamacare can continue where they are best fought out, in the political arena.""Obamacare is now essentially upheld. There’s only one way it can be overturned. The same way it was passed — elect a new president and a new Congress. That’s undoubtedly what Roberts is telling the nation: Your job, not mine. I won’t make it easy for you."
This is a complicated matter, and I have feelings and opinions in support of both sides of it. The founders' recognition that the success of the grand experiment that is our nation would depend on the willingness of the people to be governable is no less true today than it ever has been. As we individuals increasingly act in our own best interest, it may become ever more necessary for our government to exert more power in more ways than ever, and we ought not believe for a moment that "totalitarian democracy" is an oxymoron.
Today's word
quiddity - 1. whatever makes something the type that it is : essence 2a. a trifling point : quibble b. crotchet, eccentricity
When it comes to synonyms of "quiddity," the Q's have it. Consider "quintessence," a synonym of the "essence of a thing" sense of "quiddity" (this oldest sense of "quiddity" dates from the 14th century). "Quibble" is a synonym of the "trifling point" sense; that meaning of "quiddity" arose from the subtler points of 16th-century academic arguments. And "quirk," like "quiddity," can refer to a person's eccentricities. Of course, "quiddity" also derives from a "Q" word, the Latin pronoun "quis," which is one of two Latin words for "who" (the other is "qui"). "Quid," the neuter form of "quis," gave rise to the Medieval Latin "quidditas," which means "essence," a term that was essential to the development of the English "quiddity." - Today's wotd write-up from Merriam-Webster
Brave New World?
When I got on FB this morning, I saw that one of my younger friends had shared a bunch of pictures (11!) in a row with sayings that reflect feelings she could relate to. It has become a popular trend: take a picture, post an angst-driven observation that makes you feel better, and let your emotionally riven peers share that in lieu of expressing their feelings for themselves.
On the one hand, my heart goes out to her, while on the other I'm mildly annoyed that I have to choose between not knowing what's going on with her at all and getting to my other friends' firsthand sharing of what they're going through. My aunt and my cousin are each experiencing the death of one of their closest friends; good friends of ours are still (as far as I know) evacuated because of the fire in Colorado Springs; other good friends are going through an incredibly trying time that they won't post about, but I still treasure the things they do share online as a barometer of how they're doing.
I love knowing what our young friend is going through - and others like her, for that matter - and am lifting her up in prayer along with our other loved ones, but I'd way prefer to see it in her own expression of her thoughts and feelings. Maybe those are too personal to be shared so broadly. Still, it's a little like being friends with someone who only speaks through book or movie quotations. I have a neurotic vision of an e-world so filled with others' feelings expressed so appropriately that we'll never need to use our own words to express our thoughts and feelings for ourselves.
With that: I'm off to see the Wizard!
On the one hand, my heart goes out to her, while on the other I'm mildly annoyed that I have to choose between not knowing what's going on with her at all and getting to my other friends' firsthand sharing of what they're going through. My aunt and my cousin are each experiencing the death of one of their closest friends; good friends of ours are still (as far as I know) evacuated because of the fire in Colorado Springs; other good friends are going through an incredibly trying time that they won't post about, but I still treasure the things they do share online as a barometer of how they're doing.
I love knowing what our young friend is going through - and others like her, for that matter - and am lifting her up in prayer along with our other loved ones, but I'd way prefer to see it in her own expression of her thoughts and feelings. Maybe those are too personal to be shared so broadly. Still, it's a little like being friends with someone who only speaks through book or movie quotations. I have a neurotic vision of an e-world so filled with others' feelings expressed so appropriately that we'll never need to use our own words to express our thoughts and feelings for ourselves.
With that: I'm off to see the Wizard!
So excited!
I'm really looking forward to our time at the beach with our daughter and her husband, along with the extended family. It should be such a nice time!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
"Snippety"
I should probably explain: yesterday when I described myself as feeling "snippety," I was only referring to song snippets, not my mood.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Feeling snippety today
From the winds of Santa Ana to the washed up Hollywood streets
My heart is with Susannah out in Los - Los Angeleez - Yo Soybean
My heart is with Susannah out in Los - Los Angeleez - Yo Soybean
Snippet
Will you stand by me against the cold night, or are you afraid of the ice? - Crack the Sky
Best progressive rock band you've never heard of, and this is a great tune. The live version on For Catherine is particularly excellent.
Best progressive rock band you've never heard of, and this is a great tune. The live version on For Catherine is particularly excellent.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Here's a great idea!
Why don't you leave two of my favorite CDs loose in your car to get scratched up beyond recovery, and when I discover them, why don't you try to tell me it's my fault that two of my favorite CDs are now ruined?
I realize that there is this narrow range of music that we both like, but if you can't take care of the media, couldn't you just learn to live without it? I wouldn't be nearly as miffed about this if you could acknowledge that something like this might be your own fault. "Oh, I didn't realize. I'm sorry!" would work so much better than "How is that my fault?" News flash: if uncased CDs have been flopping around in your car, rubbing against each other and whatever other objects they encounter, it's your fault. There aren't any unprotected CDs in my car, and I don't leave any media unprotected. Ever.
Then I can get all snippy like this, and be in a snit all night, over something that really isn't all that important - and certainly not worth the degree of irritation I'm taking from it.
I realize that there is this narrow range of music that we both like, but if you can't take care of the media, couldn't you just learn to live without it? I wouldn't be nearly as miffed about this if you could acknowledge that something like this might be your own fault. "Oh, I didn't realize. I'm sorry!" would work so much better than "How is that my fault?" News flash: if uncased CDs have been flopping around in your car, rubbing against each other and whatever other objects they encounter, it's your fault. There aren't any unprotected CDs in my car, and I don't leave any media unprotected. Ever.
Then I can get all snippy like this, and be in a snit all night, over something that really isn't all that important - and certainly not worth the degree of irritation I'm taking from it.
Sandusky
I'm glad the jury believed the testimony of his victims, and I hope they feel affirmed by that. It is so incredibly validating to have your story accepted. One of the times I felt the greatest sense of relief in my life was when my mom believed me - once I finally told her, 20 years later - without hesitation. I can't imagine how hard it was for her to hear such news. Of course, she'd been somewhat prepared by being aware of her husband's bisexuality, but still, this was the person with whom she'd built her life. And before him had been her first husband. Yet she left the implications for herself aside at least long enough to recognize the truth of what I shared and to support me in that moment.
Mom, I miss you so much, and I'm so grateful for you.
Mom, I miss you so much, and I'm so grateful for you.
Monday, June 25, 2012
We fall down
(started on 6/22)
You (whoever you are, reading this) don't know them, but he and his wife were more instrumental in the transforming of my life than anyone else on the planet. They are dear friends, and he was my spiritual hero. I suppose I forgot that every hero is still a flawed human being and, moreover, that we never get to choose their flaws.
My own failings were so much greater. It seems significantly unfair that he should be facing a punishment more than two orders of magnitude more severe than mine. But he's caught in the machine now and, for either of us, focusing on the inequity of it would be a hindrance. The spiritual truth is that that's still better than the trap he'd gotten himself ensnared in, and however I can help him live free from the latter, I will do it.
I hope we can be a resource for them. I know he has plenty of support, but in this sort of situation there's no substitute for someone who has dealt with something similar. His offense was very different from mine, though with enough similarities of nature, and I know things about the road to health that no one who hasn't traveled down it or studied it extensively is at all likely to know. There's a reason why peer group therapy was a key component of my treatment program and, if he simply relies on the support of well-intending friends with an abundance of wisdom both practical and spiritual, it's too possible to avoid dealing with root issues that must be addressed. There's a tendency to look at this sort of thing in a vacuum, as if it exists outside the context of the rest of one's life, and if we just fix that one thing then we'll be fine. The truth is, the rest of one's life is the context in which this sort of thing happens, and if we aren't willing to change vastly more than this one area then we'll never really be a wholly healthy person.
First things first, I know. In this sort of situation, one must deal with any justice-system ramifications before focusing on the therapeutic realm. But I'm concerned that my friend and those who support him might not realize or understand that there's more work to be done than what might appear on the surface.
As I lift this dear family up and seek to support them in this dark time in their lives, I pray too for those who may have looked up to him, that they may not have their faith shaken.
You (whoever you are, reading this) don't know them, but he and his wife were more instrumental in the transforming of my life than anyone else on the planet. They are dear friends, and he was my spiritual hero. I suppose I forgot that every hero is still a flawed human being and, moreover, that we never get to choose their flaws.
My own failings were so much greater. It seems significantly unfair that he should be facing a punishment more than two orders of magnitude more severe than mine. But he's caught in the machine now and, for either of us, focusing on the inequity of it would be a hindrance. The spiritual truth is that that's still better than the trap he'd gotten himself ensnared in, and however I can help him live free from the latter, I will do it.
I hope we can be a resource for them. I know he has plenty of support, but in this sort of situation there's no substitute for someone who has dealt with something similar. His offense was very different from mine, though with enough similarities of nature, and I know things about the road to health that no one who hasn't traveled down it or studied it extensively is at all likely to know. There's a reason why peer group therapy was a key component of my treatment program and, if he simply relies on the support of well-intending friends with an abundance of wisdom both practical and spiritual, it's too possible to avoid dealing with root issues that must be addressed. There's a tendency to look at this sort of thing in a vacuum, as if it exists outside the context of the rest of one's life, and if we just fix that one thing then we'll be fine. The truth is, the rest of one's life is the context in which this sort of thing happens, and if we aren't willing to change vastly more than this one area then we'll never really be a wholly healthy person.
First things first, I know. In this sort of situation, one must deal with any justice-system ramifications before focusing on the therapeutic realm. But I'm concerned that my friend and those who support him might not realize or understand that there's more work to be done than what might appear on the surface.
As I lift this dear family up and seek to support them in this dark time in their lives, I pray too for those who may have looked up to him, that they may not have their faith shaken.
Need to catch up again
So much to write about from the weekend, including the Sandusky verdict, the potentially tragic news about our dear old friend, a tremendously blessed day on Sunday. I should probably write a bit about all the internal stuff I'm basically ignoring, too.
But first, let me kvetch about my two cube neighbors who've been talking to each other for well over an hour this morning.
Seriously: do you guys have so little work to do?
But first, let me kvetch about my two cube neighbors who've been talking to each other for well over an hour this morning.
Seriously: do you guys have so little work to do?
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Another beginning
When my heart is overflowing with concern for loved ones in all kinds of danger
When weariness consumes all my attention and I'm longing for relief
When circumstances wear me down and loving God seems more a distant stranger
When my peace feels far removed from me and past professions seem beyond belief
I seek you anyway, though in the dark night I may grope
I look to your loving way, for I've no other cause for hope
For those I love are in your care
You are the answer to despair
You answer my most desperate, plaintive prayer
For your grace supplies my need.
When weariness consumes all my attention and I'm longing for relief
When circumstances wear me down and loving God seems more a distant stranger
When my peace feels far removed from me and past professions seem beyond belief
I seek you anyway, though in the dark night I may grope
I look to your loving way, for I've no other cause for hope
For those I love are in your care
You are the answer to despair
You answer my most desperate, plaintive prayer
For your grace supplies my need.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Tonight will be better
I'm going to attribute last night's choices to you just being exhausted, okay?
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Today's word
slimsy - flimsy or frail
An out-of-vogue word that apparently was quite popular a century or so ago.
An out-of-vogue word that apparently was quite popular a century or so ago.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
a start?
does it get any deeper, in ways good or ill?
would i get what i wished for yet yearn for it still?
are the things that I long for a desert mirage?
are the pictures I treasure a tragic collage?
is the path that I follow a figment of mind?
do my steps moving forward leave carnage behind?
if i die to myself will i miss me when i'm gone?
if i'm true to myself will it silence my song?
Okay, this might not develop into anything. One couplet just seemed to lead to another, and at this point its mostly an exercise of sorts.
would i get what i wished for yet yearn for it still?
are the things that I long for a desert mirage?
are the pictures I treasure a tragic collage?
do my steps moving forward leave carnage behind?
if i die to myself will i miss me when i'm gone?
if i'm true to myself will it silence my song?
Okay, this might not develop into anything. One couplet just seemed to lead to another, and at this point its mostly an exercise of sorts.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Two quotes
One from a coworker, one from a FB friend:
The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do. - Galileo
You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body. - C.S. LewisThe first fits well with my contention that many of us don't believe in a big enough God. The second reminds me that we often conflate the "physical" with the "real."
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Today's (not new) words
These share a root, which I would have recognized in some but not others - and tended to doubt in the first one, which is today's word of the day - and a sense related to that root that I would not have connected:
pungent
compunction
poignant
puncture
punctual
From today's WOTD explanation:
pungent
compunction
poignant
puncture
punctual
From today's WOTD explanation:
"Pungent" implies a sharp stinging or biting quality, especially of odors, so it's not too surprising to discover the Latin verb "pungere" ("to prick, sting") at its root. "Compunction," "poignant," "puncture," and "punctual" share the same pointy root, and their meanings reflect its influence. Someone who feels compunction may experience the prick of a guilty conscience. Something that is poignant can be piercingly moving. And a punctured tire, pricked by a sharp point, can make it hard to be punctual — that is, to arrive "on the dot" or at a particular point in time.
Making my hardest day of the year bearable
I'm going skydiving! Not today, but still. I'm so nervous and excited!
And a nice bike ride with friends this morning. It has been too long.
A nice visit with grandchildren.
A wonderful mass celebrated with dear friends from Biloxi.
A replacement car battery for less than I expected to spend.
And a tender kiss and hug along with a wish for a happy father's day from our dear oldest daughter.
There have been many blessings on this day, and I accept them all with a grateful heart.
And a nice bike ride with friends this morning. It has been too long.
A nice visit with grandchildren.
A wonderful mass celebrated with dear friends from Biloxi.
A replacement car battery for less than I expected to spend.
And a tender kiss and hug along with a wish for a happy father's day from our dear oldest daughter.
There have been many blessings on this day, and I accept them all with a grateful heart.
The hardest day of the year
It isn't that I completely hate Father's Day. I think it's important to have a day on which we honor the men who raised us, who taught us how to be independent men and eventually fathers ourselves.
It isn't that I am sad not to have had a good dad who I feel like I can honor on this day. I thank my adoptive father for doing the best he could, even though he was so broken.
It's that there is no other day of the year that makes me feel more like a fraud, that reminds me what an utter failure I was. While everyone is Happy Father's Day-ing me along with the other dads, I know in my heart that it's just because they don't know. I just nod and thank them, return the sentiment when it's warranted. But I know.
Every other day of the year I've learned to cut myself some slack. Maybe if she could stand to be around I might feel differently, but in her absence, there isn't any chance I can believe that she isn't still broken because of my failure.
She's going to come by to pick up the grandkids in a few minutes, and maybe there will be enough of a greeting from her that I'll be able to live with myself a little more easily today. But she doesn't owe me that. She's given me way more than she owes me already.
It isn't that I am sad not to have had a good dad who I feel like I can honor on this day. I thank my adoptive father for doing the best he could, even though he was so broken.
It's that there is no other day of the year that makes me feel more like a fraud, that reminds me what an utter failure I was. While everyone is Happy Father's Day-ing me along with the other dads, I know in my heart that it's just because they don't know. I just nod and thank them, return the sentiment when it's warranted. But I know.
Every other day of the year I've learned to cut myself some slack. Maybe if she could stand to be around I might feel differently, but in her absence, there isn't any chance I can believe that she isn't still broken because of my failure.
She's going to come by to pick up the grandkids in a few minutes, and maybe there will be enough of a greeting from her that I'll be able to live with myself a little more easily today. But she doesn't owe me that. She's given me way more than she owes me already.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Love and hurt
"If she’s paying attention, she’ll feel the devotion among them and the pain they’ve caused one another — not on purpose, but out of the human imperfection that makes hurt as intrinsic as love in any close relationship." - Ellen McCarthy, from an article about a family in which 7 women have worn the same wedding dress
Yes, that's about right.
Yes, that's about right.
Today's word
ahimsa - the Hindu and Buddhist doctrine of refraining from harming any living being
ruthful - 1. full of ruth : tender 2. full of sorrow : woeful 3. causing sorrow
ruth - 1. compassion for the misery of another 2. sorrow for one's own faults : remorse
It wasn't until I was prompted by the first definition of ruthful to look up ruth that the relationship between ruthless and ruthful became evident to me. They're kind of apropos companions for today's WOTD: ahimsa.
ruthful - 1. full of ruth : tender 2. full of sorrow : woeful 3. causing sorrow
ruth - 1. compassion for the misery of another 2. sorrow for one's own faults : remorse
It wasn't until I was prompted by the first definition of ruthful to look up ruth that the relationship between ruthless and ruthful became evident to me. They're kind of apropos companions for today's WOTD: ahimsa.
Odd arithmetic
So, if I get 5 more views before I make another post, I will be averaging exactly 7 views per post. (This is weird, as most of my posts only have a couple or few views. I must have one or two posts that have way more views than all the rest.)
(And this post was true again, for a moment, even after it was satisfied once already today.)
(And this post was true again, for a moment, even after it was satisfied once already today.)
So, then . . .
. . . it is my story, on several levels. Just as it is important for me to see my own experiences and be in touch with my own feelings as these victims have bravely articulated theirs, so too must I understand and relate to my daughter's experiences of confusion in her abuse decades later.
Another reason to choose one's battles carefully
It's too easy to lose sight of when you're already walking on a blood-drenched battlefield.
My wife was really upset with my daughter over being ignored about something she was trying to arrange for Father's Day. Our daughter finally replied to her over some plans for the grandkids today, after which she expressed her current frustration over our daughter being incommunicado - not that we haven't had that issue before.
In this case, my immediate response was to support our daughter. "You can't be on her case about Father's Day," I pleaded, tears welling up in my eyes in the blink of a moment.
It will be good if I can advocate for our daughter over the truth that our complex feelings about such events and holidays are never completely gone from our lives, no matter how much we may have dealt with them, without allowing the pendulum of my thoughts and emotions to swing back to self-condemnation.
My wife was really upset with my daughter over being ignored about something she was trying to arrange for Father's Day. Our daughter finally replied to her over some plans for the grandkids today, after which she expressed her current frustration over our daughter being incommunicado - not that we haven't had that issue before.
In this case, my immediate response was to support our daughter. "You can't be on her case about Father's Day," I pleaded, tears welling up in my eyes in the blink of a moment.
It will be good if I can advocate for our daughter over the truth that our complex feelings about such events and holidays are never completely gone from our lives, no matter how much we may have dealt with them, without allowing the pendulum of my thoughts and emotions to swing back to self-condemnation.
This is not my story
Still, there are plenty of elements common to my story in them: showers, roughhousing, sleepovers, the surrogate father figure, rewards for "cooperating," shame, fear, long-term patterns of abuse. I was older, and had a better idea than some of these victims what was happening to me, but was no more equipped to stop it than they were. I am free now, and my heart goes out to these young men as they travel the road from victim to survivor.
"A third accuser, known as Victim 3, was an Army National Guard soldier who testified Thursday that despite being fondled by Sandusky he had viewed him as a father figure and was crushed when he was sent to a group home and Sandusky never contacted him again.
"He testified that he felt uncomfortable when Sandusky touched his genitals in bed and he would roll over to prevent anything else from happening but that he didn't tell Sandusky not to get into bed with him.
"'He made me feel like I was a part of something, like a family,' the man said. 'He gave me things that I hadn't had before.'
"He said that he loved Sandusky and that Sandusky treated him like he was part of an extended family that made him feel 'unconditionally loved.'"
"An accuser called Victim 6 testified that Sandusky described himself as a 'tickle monster' and embraced the then-11-year-old boy in a Penn State shower in 1998, an encounter that prompted an investigation but ended without any charges filed.
"Now 25, he told jurors Sandusky embraced him in a locker room shower, lathered up his back and shoulders then lifted him chest-to-chest to a shower head to rinse out his hair.
"'As I started to go over it in my mind I quickly realized, my perception changed thinking about it as an adult as opposed to an 11-year-old,' he said. 'That was inappropriate, what happened to me.'"
" . . . after the coach pinned him while wrestling in the basement of the Sandusky home and performed oral sex on him.
"The man, identified in court papers as Victim 10, said Sandusky also assaulted him on other occasions in 1998 and 1999, including once at a pool and another time in the basement. "
" . . . another man, identified as Victim 5, said he met Sandusky at Second Mile Camp in 1999 and began attending Penn State games with Sandusky and others. In 2001, he said, Sandusky asked him to work out at a gym on campus and then groped him in the showers.
"Fighting back tears, he testified that Sandusky 'kept lurching forward, but I didn't have anywhere to go. I felt his penis on my back.' He said Sandusky touched his genitals 'and then he took my hand and placed it on his (genitals).'
"Afterward, the 23-year-old man said, Sandusky drove him home and made no eye contact. Sandusky never called again, and Victim 5 said he kept the secret from everyone until last year.
"'I wanted to forget it,' he said. 'And I'm embarrassed.'"
"Another witness, identified as Victim 7, said he was 10 when he met Sandusky through the charity in 1995. He said Sandusky showered with him repeatedly and embraced him during sleepovers.
"Sandusky was 'wrapping himself around me, holding me tightly' when he slept over at the man's house, the 27-year-old man said. He said he now has an aversion to chest hair because of his contact with a sometimes-shirtless Sandusky, who has acknowledged he showered with boys but says he never molested them.
"The accuser also described Sandusky rubbing his nipples and touching him beneath his shorts.
"The man recalled attending Penn State football games with Sandusky's family and receiving free tickets from Sandusky as recently as 2009.
"'I was kind of ashamed about it. I didn't want anybody to know,'" he said. 'Probably most importantly, I didn't want my parents to keep me from going to games. I didn't want them to sort of freak out.'
"He said that he told his parents of the abuse only last year, after being approached by police, and that many of the details have only come to him in the past year or so. He likened blocking out the negative memories to 'putting stuff in the attic.'
"During cross-examination, defense attorney Joseph Amendola noted that the man's testimony was more detailed than what he told a grand jury last year. The witness replied that he had started going to counseling.
"'Talking about different events and through talking about things in my past, different things have triggered different memories,' he said."
"Choking back tears, he (victim 1) said that Sandusky kissed him, fondled him and engaged in oral sex with him during numerous sleepovers in the basement of Sandusky's home while the coach's wife was upstairs.
"Now 18, he told the jury about an early encounter with Sandusky that escalated to oral sex.
"'I spaced,' he said. 'I didn't know what to do with all the thoughts running through my head, I just kind of blacked out and didn't want it to happen. I froze.'
"He said he stayed quiet about the abuse, in part because his mother thought Sandusky was a positive influence, but he began trying to distance himself from Sandusky.
"Sandusky got angry with him because they had drifted apart, and things escalated into an argument between the boy's mother and Sandusky, the teenager said.
"'I got extremely, extremely scared,' he said."
"A third accuser, known as Victim 3, was an Army National Guard soldier who testified Thursday that despite being fondled by Sandusky he had viewed him as a father figure and was crushed when he was sent to a group home and Sandusky never contacted him again.
"He testified that he felt uncomfortable when Sandusky touched his genitals in bed and he would roll over to prevent anything else from happening but that he didn't tell Sandusky not to get into bed with him.
"'He made me feel like I was a part of something, like a family,' the man said. 'He gave me things that I hadn't had before.'
"He said that he loved Sandusky and that Sandusky treated him like he was part of an extended family that made him feel 'unconditionally loved.'"
"An accuser called Victim 6 testified that Sandusky described himself as a 'tickle monster' and embraced the then-11-year-old boy in a Penn State shower in 1998, an encounter that prompted an investigation but ended without any charges filed.
"Now 25, he told jurors Sandusky embraced him in a locker room shower, lathered up his back and shoulders then lifted him chest-to-chest to a shower head to rinse out his hair.
"'As I started to go over it in my mind I quickly realized, my perception changed thinking about it as an adult as opposed to an 11-year-old,' he said. 'That was inappropriate, what happened to me.'"
" . . . after the coach pinned him while wrestling in the basement of the Sandusky home and performed oral sex on him.
"The man, identified in court papers as Victim 10, said Sandusky also assaulted him on other occasions in 1998 and 1999, including once at a pool and another time in the basement. "
" . . . another man, identified as Victim 5, said he met Sandusky at Second Mile Camp in 1999 and began attending Penn State games with Sandusky and others. In 2001, he said, Sandusky asked him to work out at a gym on campus and then groped him in the showers.
"Fighting back tears, he testified that Sandusky 'kept lurching forward, but I didn't have anywhere to go. I felt his penis on my back.' He said Sandusky touched his genitals 'and then he took my hand and placed it on his (genitals).'
"Afterward, the 23-year-old man said, Sandusky drove him home and made no eye contact. Sandusky never called again, and Victim 5 said he kept the secret from everyone until last year.
"'I wanted to forget it,' he said. 'And I'm embarrassed.'"
"Another witness, identified as Victim 7, said he was 10 when he met Sandusky through the charity in 1995. He said Sandusky showered with him repeatedly and embraced him during sleepovers.
"Sandusky was 'wrapping himself around me, holding me tightly' when he slept over at the man's house, the 27-year-old man said. He said he now has an aversion to chest hair because of his contact with a sometimes-shirtless Sandusky, who has acknowledged he showered with boys but says he never molested them.
"The accuser also described Sandusky rubbing his nipples and touching him beneath his shorts.
"The man recalled attending Penn State football games with Sandusky's family and receiving free tickets from Sandusky as recently as 2009.
"'I was kind of ashamed about it. I didn't want anybody to know,'" he said. 'Probably most importantly, I didn't want my parents to keep me from going to games. I didn't want them to sort of freak out.'
"He said that he told his parents of the abuse only last year, after being approached by police, and that many of the details have only come to him in the past year or so. He likened blocking out the negative memories to 'putting stuff in the attic.'
"During cross-examination, defense attorney Joseph Amendola noted that the man's testimony was more detailed than what he told a grand jury last year. The witness replied that he had started going to counseling.
"'Talking about different events and through talking about things in my past, different things have triggered different memories,' he said."
"Choking back tears, he (victim 1) said that Sandusky kissed him, fondled him and engaged in oral sex with him during numerous sleepovers in the basement of Sandusky's home while the coach's wife was upstairs.
"Now 18, he told the jury about an early encounter with Sandusky that escalated to oral sex.
"'I spaced,' he said. 'I didn't know what to do with all the thoughts running through my head, I just kind of blacked out and didn't want it to happen. I froze.'
"He said he stayed quiet about the abuse, in part because his mother thought Sandusky was a positive influence, but he began trying to distance himself from Sandusky.
"Sandusky got angry with him because they had drifted apart, and things escalated into an argument between the boy's mother and Sandusky, the teenager said.
"'I got extremely, extremely scared,' he said."
Friday, June 15, 2012
Today's words
exigent - 1. requiring immediate aid or action 2. requiring or calling for much : demanding
exiguous - excessively scanty : inadequate
From the historical explanation for the first word, today's word of the day: Over the last five centuries we have demanded a lot from "exigent."
exiguous - excessively scanty : inadequate
From the historical explanation for the first word, today's word of the day: Over the last five centuries we have demanded a lot from "exigent."
Our household's immutable laws of analgesics:
- Whatever my analgesic of choice for a given form of pain, in a cluttered medicine closet at 2:30 a.m. I will be able to find every one except that.one.
- However large a bottle of my chosen analgesic I may have purchased, and however rarely I personally need to take it, my family members will have completely consumed and not replaced it when I finally need it.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Sympathetic
It's so hard to watch my honey feeling miserable. I think I felt better going through my own itchiness a couple weeks ago than I do watching hers. Of course, mine wasn't a mystery, either.
How many hard drives does it take?
I've just had my third one in a year fail, but in fairness, the first two went back-to-back. I'm supposed to be able to copy my recovered data right to my new hard drive, but first it quit 0.1% in, then 60% in. Now it looks as if I need to figure out where the process hung up and manually re-transfer the missing files. Have I mentioned that I don't have time for this?
Today's word
mandarin - marked by polished ornate complexity of language
I had never heard this definition for mandarin. I found this etymology from today's WOTD interesting:
I had never heard this definition for mandarin. I found this etymology from today's WOTD interesting:
The Portuguese were the first to refer to a Chinese official as a "mandarin." The word hails from the Portuguese word "mandarium," which developed from Sanskrit "mantrin," a word for "counselor." Mandarins were promoted by successfully completing the imperial Chinese examination system, which was primarily based on the teachings of Confucian texts. In time, "mandarin" became a word for a pedantic official, a bureaucrat, or a person of position and influence. The noun passed into the English language in 1589, and the adjective appeared about 15 years later. You may also know "Mandarin" as a word for the chief dialect of China or be familiar with the mandarin orange. (The fruit's name comes from the orange color of a mandarin official's robe.)
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
A ruined night
How to set up a wonderful evening:
- Support my plan for a nice ride on a gorgeous evening.
- Make a really wonderful salad for dinner, and have it ready when I get home. I mean, that thing was first rate:
- leftover rotisserie chicken
- green leaf lettuce mix
- strawberries
- pecans
- a delicious dijon dressing and bleu cheese crumbles on the side
- Make a playful comment when I come in the door, even though I'm all sweaty. Wow, you got my attention!
- Give me time to cool down from my ride before expecting me to shower and eat.
How to ruin it:
- Watch a show I hated when you watched it two and three decades ago, and that has gotten worse in its new incarnation.
- When I finish getting cleaned up and using the bathroom, be sure that the two of you hit the kitchen just as I'm trying to get my dinner together, so that I'm continually trying to work around you to get my meal together.
- Leave so little clear counter space that there is, literally, nowhere in the kitchen for me to put a plate to dish my food onto. Even the deck of the sink was occupied by stuff you left out.
- When I try to just clear some space to get my plate together, insist that you're going to take care of it, as if you're offended that I'm trying to make a place to work.
- When I put my plate on the dining room table, on which there is also barely enough clear surface to eat, then walk back and forth multiple times to get the salad and the dressing and the bleu cheese and the mac and cheese and carry them to the dining room to dish them onto my plate, except I have to walk around through the hallway because you and/or our daughter are standing in the doorway between the dining room and the kitchen and I've said "excuse me" just as often as I can manage, be sure to give me a full ration of bovine fecal material because I'm feeling a little frustrated because it's 9:00 and I'm hungry from my ride and I still can't eat.
You know what, I know I was frustrated, but I was handling things. Maybe I wasn't exactly patient, but I was dealing with it. Still, if you want to be pissed off, that's your prerogative.
On second thought . . .
. . . I don't like how I ended that last post. Neither Sandusky's steadfast friends nor his self image represent the great tragedy of this story. And I need to stop assuming that abusers are going to possess a shred of respect or genuine concern for their victims or their own emotional health.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
non sequitur
I know it would probably be better for me to stay completely away from news of the Sandusky trial.
I know it would probably be better for me to stay completely away from news of the Sandusky trial.
This isn't the same thing as writing 50 times on the chalkboard that I will stay completely away from news of the Sandusky trial, but I know it would probably be better for me to stay completely away from news of the Sandusky trial.
I'm reminded of that old Brother Juniper cartoon, in which the troublesome monk is writing, "I will not use Tabasco sauce in place of tomato juice" over and over again.
Anyway, I very much doubt that I will be able to keep from reading news of the Sandusky trial. And I'm going to keep reading things that perpetuate the atmosphere that makes sexual abusers know they can get away with it. The testimony so far has been pretty compelling and pretty damning.
Jerry Sandusky's friends would do him a way bigger favor by convincing him to get the help he obviously needs rather than burying their heads in the sand about "what kind of people" commit sexual abuse and how their good friend Jerry isn't that sort of guy. The other sad thing is how this facade keeps him convinced in his heart that no one would tolerate him if they knew the truth.
I know it would probably be better for me to stay completely away from news of the Sandusky trial.
This isn't the same thing as writing 50 times on the chalkboard that I will stay completely away from news of the Sandusky trial, but I know it would probably be better for me to stay completely away from news of the Sandusky trial.
I'm reminded of that old Brother Juniper cartoon, in which the troublesome monk is writing, "I will not use Tabasco sauce in place of tomato juice" over and over again.
Anyway, I very much doubt that I will be able to keep from reading news of the Sandusky trial. And I'm going to keep reading things that perpetuate the atmosphere that makes sexual abusers know they can get away with it. The testimony so far has been pretty compelling and pretty damning.
Jerry Sandusky's friends would do him a way bigger favor by convincing him to get the help he obviously needs rather than burying their heads in the sand about "what kind of people" commit sexual abuse and how their good friend Jerry isn't that sort of guy. The other sad thing is how this facade keeps him convinced in his heart that no one would tolerate him if they knew the truth.
A story of my life?
I'll never forget that stupid birthday card, which I probably read as a teenager. Oh, the words aren't exactly right, but close enough:
Outside: I was sitting in my back yard, wondering what I should do for your birthday, when I looked down and saw a boll weevil crawling along with a sign on its back that said, "Buy a present!" I thought that was odd, and was still considering this message when I looked down again and saw another boll weevil with a sign that said, "Buy a card!"
Inside: So I chose the lesser of the two weevils.
Outside: I was sitting in my back yard, wondering what I should do for your birthday, when I looked down and saw a boll weevil crawling along with a sign on its back that said, "Buy a present!" I thought that was odd, and was still considering this message when I looked down again and saw another boll weevil with a sign that said, "Buy a card!"
Inside: So I chose the lesser of the two weevils.
Today's word
guetapens \get-uh-PAHN\ - ambush, snare, trap
I guess I missed this when everyone was looking it up after the spelling bee.
I guess I missed this when everyone was looking it up after the spelling bee.
echo, Echo, ECho, ECHo, ECHO
So far, if you want to know what my late teens were like, just follow the headlines for the Sandusky trial. Showers together. "Bribes."
Then there are the details in the articles: Trips to strange "exotic" towns where pressure is less easily resisted. The whole "nurturing" relationship developed during the grooming stages, sustained through the abuse. The surrogate-father element. Putting up with the sexual abuse because of not wanting to lose the benefits of the relationship: this guy has taken me under his wing, taken an interest in me, lets me do fun stuff and go interesting places! (For me it was also my job, motorcycles, etc. The "putting up with it" makes me sickest, even though I know in my head that I was manipulated into that part of it, too.) That was just in the first day's testimony.
The whole thing ties my stomach in knots from its familiarity. I'm not going to read any more of them, but it isn't enough to avoid the articles. I just want to crawl into a closet, curl into a ball, and hide until the whole damned trial is over.
Then there are the details in the articles: Trips to strange "exotic" towns where pressure is less easily resisted. The whole "nurturing" relationship developed during the grooming stages, sustained through the abuse. The surrogate-father element. Putting up with the sexual abuse because of not wanting to lose the benefits of the relationship: this guy has taken me under his wing, taken an interest in me, lets me do fun stuff and go interesting places! (For me it was also my job, motorcycles, etc. The "putting up with it" makes me sickest, even though I know in my head that I was manipulated into that part of it, too.) That was just in the first day's testimony.
The whole thing ties my stomach in knots from its familiarity. I'm not going to read any more of them, but it isn't enough to avoid the articles. I just want to crawl into a closet, curl into a ball, and hide until the whole damned trial is over.
*sigh*
Some shows just deflate me as soon as I walk in the room. They suck the energy right out of me, and make me feel lonely in just a few moments of standing there in the same room with you. I even have to be careful not to think less of you for liking them.
But I know we're always going to have different interests, and as frustrating as that can be, it's also part of what makes us interesting to each other . . .
But I know we're always going to have different interests, and as frustrating as that can be, it's also part of what makes us interesting to each other . . .
Monday, June 11, 2012
Short trip
Why she'd get meticulous in handling the money when there were three of us waiting for change from her was beyond me. Fiddle, fiddle, fiddle. It's a good thing it was my birthday, as I don't think she'd have handled my snark very well on another day - I was at least a tiny bit of a jerk about it. Working together was driving me a little crazy, though.
It got better. Or, I don't know, I decided not to dwell on it. Or she did. Or both.
It got better. Or, I don't know, I decided not to dwell on it. Or she did. Or both.
Today's word
verjuice \VER jooss\ - the sour juice of crab apples or of unripe fruit; also : an acid liquor made from verjuice
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Must be more consistent . . .
. . . and prompt in substituting "empty promise" for "part of myself" in my thoughts.
Saturday, June 09, 2012
A birthday gift from God
A prayer of St. Ignatius:
Take, O Lord, and receive my entire liberty, my memory, my understanding and my whole will. All that I am and all that I possess You have given me: I surrender it all to You to be disposed of according to Your will. Give me only Your love and Your grace; with these I will be rich enough, and will desire nothing more.
I find myself reflecting on this, my birthday, on this prayer and on the many blessings I have received. I find myself thinking about what I should be feeling instead of resentment that I am not spending this day as I might choose to.
The gratitude toward and trust in God, this not-fully-realized determination to turn everything I have over to him, is a gift, too, and one that I would do well to receive more fully.
Take, O Lord, and receive my entire liberty, my memory, my understanding and my whole will. All that I am and all that I possess You have given me: I surrender it all to You to be disposed of according to Your will. Give me only Your love and Your grace; with these I will be rich enough, and will desire nothing more.
I find myself reflecting on this, my birthday, on this prayer and on the many blessings I have received. I find myself thinking about what I should be feeling instead of resentment that I am not spending this day as I might choose to.
The gratitude toward and trust in God, this not-fully-realized determination to turn everything I have over to him, is a gift, too, and one that I would do well to receive more fully.
Friday, June 08, 2012
Synchronicity
I can't help wondering, just a little, how I might have felt about it on another night. But last night it was especially sweet.
When I suggested to my friend that her husband would view it as a privilege to take some time to care for her, to massage away some of her pain, I had just the slightest moment of wondering: would he really? Do we husbands really care so tenderly for our wives? Don't we sometimes get caught up in what we have going on, instead? How, in fact, would I really feel if my bride had a similar need that very night?
And then, without the slightest suggestion beforehand, she did. As I walked into the bedroom to begin my night's sleep, my wife mentioned how very sore her upper back was. I smiled to myself, glad that I wasn't approaching the bed full of my own exhaustion, so there was no trace of hesitation or disappointment. I was just glad to be able to care for my wife in this tender way, hands working her muscles firmly, patiently seeking those telltale tight knots, gently working them and feeling them release under my ministrations. At the same time, I found myself thinking of and praying for my friends 600 miles away, hoping they'd had or were having a similar experience of marital ministry, of giving and receiving, of selfless touch and care.
It was so nice to be able to feel simultaneously connected with bride and dear friends in this loving way. And I hope the same sort of practical love - that expression of pain and loving response - happened at their home, too. If not, at the very least they helped me to respond to my dear one as I should have rather than as I might have had my awareness not been primed.
When I suggested to my friend that her husband would view it as a privilege to take some time to care for her, to massage away some of her pain, I had just the slightest moment of wondering: would he really? Do we husbands really care so tenderly for our wives? Don't we sometimes get caught up in what we have going on, instead? How, in fact, would I really feel if my bride had a similar need that very night?
And then, without the slightest suggestion beforehand, she did. As I walked into the bedroom to begin my night's sleep, my wife mentioned how very sore her upper back was. I smiled to myself, glad that I wasn't approaching the bed full of my own exhaustion, so there was no trace of hesitation or disappointment. I was just glad to be able to care for my wife in this tender way, hands working her muscles firmly, patiently seeking those telltale tight knots, gently working them and feeling them release under my ministrations. At the same time, I found myself thinking of and praying for my friends 600 miles away, hoping they'd had or were having a similar experience of marital ministry, of giving and receiving, of selfless touch and care.
It was so nice to be able to feel simultaneously connected with bride and dear friends in this loving way. And I hope the same sort of practical love - that expression of pain and loving response - happened at their home, too. If not, at the very least they helped me to respond to my dear one as I should have rather than as I might have had my awareness not been primed.
Thursday, June 07, 2012
On the fritz
Should I be grateful that I have a reason for being so unproductive today? Thanks a bunch, computer. Let me do trivial things, but don't let me do my job.
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
Got endorphines?
Maybe a nice ride after work will help lift my spirits. It's sure a gorgeous day for one. I've got no business being down, anyway, though. What's that about?
The greatest commandment
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. - Mt 22, 37
Prayer and praise and worship have become more of a challenge since encountering my antitheist coworker. I find it harder to immerse myself unreservedly in God's presence. I have nurtured decades-old habits of praying, of choosing, of living according to my beliefs, and I find myself asking in a new way what they are really built on.
Inasmuch and for so long as it is up to me to choose, I will continue to choose Christ.
Prayer and praise and worship have become more of a challenge since encountering my antitheist coworker. I find it harder to immerse myself unreservedly in God's presence. I have nurtured decades-old habits of praying, of choosing, of living according to my beliefs, and I find myself asking in a new way what they are really built on.
Inasmuch and for so long as it is up to me to choose, I will continue to choose Christ.
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
The way
Sometimes it takes a conscious effort to turn from the world's perspective and remind myself of my calling, and to remember that it is not a sacrifice.
Way better, but still itchy
And it's more than a little irritating to still be waking up in the middle of the night with it.
Monday, June 04, 2012
What the antitheists posit
There is nothing in the universe, including the universe itself, which requires the concept of God to explain.
Religion suppresses science, which alone holds the true answers to the remaining mysteries of the universe.
More evil has been done in the name of religion than all other motivators in the history of the world combined.
The concept of sin simply licenses believers to impose their dogma through pressure or physical force.
Religion invariably suppresses human rights.
Any alleged good claimed by religious institutions would have occurred more efficaciously in their absence.
The indoctrination of innocent children with such destructive concepts must end.
The elimination of all religion is the only way to put society on its best path forward.
No, I'm not exaggerating. People really think this, and have the temerity not to refer to it as a "belief system."
Religion suppresses science, which alone holds the true answers to the remaining mysteries of the universe.
More evil has been done in the name of religion than all other motivators in the history of the world combined.
The concept of sin simply licenses believers to impose their dogma through pressure or physical force.
Religion invariably suppresses human rights.
Any alleged good claimed by religious institutions would have occurred more efficaciously in their absence.
The indoctrination of innocent children with such destructive concepts must end.
The elimination of all religion is the only way to put society on its best path forward.
No, I'm not exaggerating. People really think this, and have the temerity not to refer to it as a "belief system."
St. Paul and modern antitheists agree
Well, in one regard, at least: if Christ is not raised from the dead, our faith is in vain.
The modern world insists that we cannot deny ourselves: "to thine own self be true," though I think that it often misapplies this quote from Hamlet in ways that Polonius would not have intended. Yet the gospel says that we must deny ourselves if we are to follow Jesus.
This is the only way I have found to live my life as I believe I should. It is taking me a painfully long time for it to make all the difference I think it should. Frankly, there are so many aspects of myself that I have set aside along the way that I cannot imagine what my life would be like if it were not built on my belief in God, in Jesus' resurrection from the dead, in the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. Indeed, the very foundations of my concept of how I "should live" are so tightly bound up with my faith that I would be utterly lost without it. I don't know how I would keep my natural tendencies in check, how I'd keep from devolving into a selfish wretch.
The antitheists insist that my spiritual experiences can be dismissed as tricks of my mind, misinterpretations of events that can be easily explained without any invocation of the supernatural. In fact, they argue, for my own betterment and that of society as a whole, they should be. Building our lives around them is utter foolishness, and does more harm than good. Indeed, where is the point of denying ourselves, particularly fundamental parts of ourselves, if there is no God? In that case, am I not truly just a frog hoping to be turned into a prince by a magic kiss, acting as if it has indeed happened?
If the antitheists are right, my faith just makes me a pretender, perhaps even an utter fraud, for no purpose whatsoever.
(This is not written in despair.)
The modern world insists that we cannot deny ourselves: "to thine own self be true," though I think that it often misapplies this quote from Hamlet in ways that Polonius would not have intended. Yet the gospel says that we must deny ourselves if we are to follow Jesus.
This is the only way I have found to live my life as I believe I should. It is taking me a painfully long time for it to make all the difference I think it should. Frankly, there are so many aspects of myself that I have set aside along the way that I cannot imagine what my life would be like if it were not built on my belief in God, in Jesus' resurrection from the dead, in the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. Indeed, the very foundations of my concept of how I "should live" are so tightly bound up with my faith that I would be utterly lost without it. I don't know how I would keep my natural tendencies in check, how I'd keep from devolving into a selfish wretch.
The antitheists insist that my spiritual experiences can be dismissed as tricks of my mind, misinterpretations of events that can be easily explained without any invocation of the supernatural. In fact, they argue, for my own betterment and that of society as a whole, they should be. Building our lives around them is utter foolishness, and does more harm than good. Indeed, where is the point of denying ourselves, particularly fundamental parts of ourselves, if there is no God? In that case, am I not truly just a frog hoping to be turned into a prince by a magic kiss, acting as if it has indeed happened?
If the antitheists are right, my faith just makes me a pretender, perhaps even an utter fraud, for no purpose whatsoever.
(This is not written in despair.)
Sunday, June 03, 2012
Old and older friends
In 1982, I was a young airman with a wife and two young daughters aged 3 and under and no car, who had recently moved into our second apartment in Biloxi, MS. My wife and I had expressed rather ephemerally the idea of "getting back to church," primarily for the sake of our girls. Still, with no wheels, that was more lofty concept than plan. I was commuting to work on a rented bicycle, which was obviously never going to work for getting our family to Mass! Very much to my surprise, I ran into a friend from high school who was living in the same apartment complex. He had moved away for senior year and we'd lost touch - there was no such thing as the internet yet - and neither of us was aware that the other had joined the Air Force. One day soon thereafter I mentioned to Ken that we'd been wanting to attend Mass, and he soon invited me to ride along with him on a Saturday evening. At my first Mass in years, they announced that the parish was forming a contemporary music ensemble. "Hmm," I said to myself, "if I can just get myself committed to this group, I'll at least go to Mass every week." It seemed like just the sort of thing I needed to move from nebulous idea to actual practice.
I must have called the contact person and made arrangements to meet with the group. Details are sketchy. I didn't have an acoustic guitar, so I was strictly singing at first. I might have walked the first Sunday, but the bassist from the group agreed to start picking us up and giving us a ride on Sunday mornings, and not long thereafter my wife and daughters started having breakfast with the family of the ensemble's director. We were struck by how warm, welcoming and helpful everyone in the group was, a different experience from those I'd had in my childhood church, though that may have been rooted more in my mom's distance than the parish's. We'd eventually be in a position to purchase our own car, and soon my own spirituality was growing in ways that led me to have way more in common with this group of folks than I'd had previously. After a particularly uplifting conversion experience, we started meeting with the covenant community to which many of these same people belonged. Within a couple years, we were transferred to Dayton, where our family has lived since.
Ken served out his enlistment and left the service, and we lost touch with each other until reconnecting on Facebook just a couple years ago. It turns out that he comes to the area every year for a convention, and it has been nice to get reacquainted. His kids are about the age of our oldest grandsons.
Meanwhile, we'd had this experience (3rd paragraph) with other friends of ours whom we originally met in that parish in Biloxi. This happened in 2005; their grandson was born around the time of Hurricane Katrina, and Phil and Carol came to Dayton regularly for a couple years until their daughter and son-in-law moved away. We didn't see them for a couple of years after that linked blog post. Now, their daughter and son-in-law have since moved back to the area, joined our parish, and our middle daughter teaches the RE class of the grandson who was born shortly after we were reunited with them. We may have never even met Phil and Carol in the first place if it weren't for Ken. God seems to have ways of working things out, but they can often end up going very differently based on our choices along the way.
Carol is now in town for the birth of another grandchild in the coming week, the same weekend that Ken was in town for his annual convention. They both met up with us at 10:30 mass, and I got to share my respective stories of them, and introduce them to each other.
I imagine that was way cooler for me than it was for either of them, but I find the way God (or as Adam would conclude, random chance) has worked the threads of our lives together truly remarkable.
I must have called the contact person and made arrangements to meet with the group. Details are sketchy. I didn't have an acoustic guitar, so I was strictly singing at first. I might have walked the first Sunday, but the bassist from the group agreed to start picking us up and giving us a ride on Sunday mornings, and not long thereafter my wife and daughters started having breakfast with the family of the ensemble's director. We were struck by how warm, welcoming and helpful everyone in the group was, a different experience from those I'd had in my childhood church, though that may have been rooted more in my mom's distance than the parish's. We'd eventually be in a position to purchase our own car, and soon my own spirituality was growing in ways that led me to have way more in common with this group of folks than I'd had previously. After a particularly uplifting conversion experience, we started meeting with the covenant community to which many of these same people belonged. Within a couple years, we were transferred to Dayton, where our family has lived since.
Ken served out his enlistment and left the service, and we lost touch with each other until reconnecting on Facebook just a couple years ago. It turns out that he comes to the area every year for a convention, and it has been nice to get reacquainted. His kids are about the age of our oldest grandsons.
Meanwhile, we'd had this experience (3rd paragraph) with other friends of ours whom we originally met in that parish in Biloxi. This happened in 2005; their grandson was born around the time of Hurricane Katrina, and Phil and Carol came to Dayton regularly for a couple years until their daughter and son-in-law moved away. We didn't see them for a couple of years after that linked blog post. Now, their daughter and son-in-law have since moved back to the area, joined our parish, and our middle daughter teaches the RE class of the grandson who was born shortly after we were reunited with them. We may have never even met Phil and Carol in the first place if it weren't for Ken. God seems to have ways of working things out, but they can often end up going very differently based on our choices along the way.
Carol is now in town for the birth of another grandchild in the coming week, the same weekend that Ken was in town for his annual convention. They both met up with us at 10:30 mass, and I got to share my respective stories of them, and introduce them to each other.
I imagine that was way cooler for me than it was for either of them, but I find the way God (or as Adam would conclude, random chance) has worked the threads of our lives together truly remarkable.
Saturday, June 02, 2012
Caught up
Well, now I have enough of last weekend's events recorded to be able to recall this wonderful time when I look back at it later!
Careful yard work
Having gotten my nasty case of poison ivy last night, I was way more careful today! I very carefully extricated some more of the noxious vine from my neighbors side of the fence, though there is at least one more section of it that I didn't notice until I'd washed myself up and cleaned up the tools. We also took down our grossly overgrown forsythia in the front corner of the back yard, and I have again filled in the corner by our driveway - we'll see how well we keep everyone from driving on it this time.
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