I'm concerned about writing this when I'm not actually in trouble, for fear of inducing panic in someone. On the other hand, I could never write it when things seem bleak.
There's a difference between the selfish way most people talk about living for themselves and what I mean by it. I'm not referring to advice given by both well-intended counselors and hedonists - which can be appropriate or outrageously egocentric - that a person should generally do what is best for themselves. This is more like how they misconstrue the snippet from Polonius' maxim-laden (and, I contend, comic relief) advice to Laertes: to thine own self be true. I'm of the opinion that the adage, in general usage and Polonius' intent, referred more to remaining true to one's honorable standards in the face of others' lesser ones.
But what I mean when I reflect that I'm still not really living for myself is the difference between what several Suicide Prevention Center posts talk about - '"consider how much it will hurt your loved ones" - and the longer-term goal of simply living for the joy of my own life. I've gotten pretty good at the first over the last couple of decades, but am still not very good at the latter. In the midst of darkness, thinking of others can help a desperate person to realize that there are other truths of their life than the immediate circumstances which seem so overwhelming. But once the immediate crisis has passed, I'm convinced that we must reach a point at which we're no longer primarily preserving our lives primarily for the sake of others.
The habit of choosing to continue living for the sake of our loved ones is important, but can only carry us so far.
No comments:
Post a Comment