Dear God,

my Papa,

I believe that You love me dearly, and have revealed what is best for me. I believe that You delight in me. I love You, too, and delight in being in Your presence and praising You! I am certain that You are calling me to love as You have revealed and demonstrated, because that is what will best help me to know You and delight in You in return, and will fill my heart and my life and those around me with Your love.

I'm pretty sure I'm doing something wrong.

And it feels like it's killing me.

Not physically. But I keep having to cut off parts of me that I never thought were a problem, that shouldn't be a problem. I can't seem to love as it seems I ought - as I want to! - and also keep those parts of myself. Yet I also know I am loving well, that I am loving in the way that Your Son has said there is no greater love than.

Oh, I knew there were things that had to go, and broken things I needed You to heal. Some of them the world would promote and celebrate but are clearly not Your perfect will for us, that are part of our fallen nature. Others, well, no healthy person would accept.

But I keep thinking that You've gotten me well beyond those things, and still the pruning continues. I feel like You're cutting back the trunk.

Please help me.

Help me to know I'm okay. Or help me to know what to change.

Please don't let me keep nurturing parts of myself that really have to go.

But also, please don't let me keep feeling so lonely. So hurt.

I believe You're with me, but I often feel so alone.