In what do I place my faith?

"That's not the kind of humility I wanted," I said . . . . "I wanted a humility I could be proud of!" . . .  Most of us are so accustomed to going it on our own that we overlook our ultimate dependence on God. - James Martin, SJ, My Life with the Saints


Wow.  Though offered at first humorously, this experience and observation rings so true for me.  I often don't want to be dependent on God.  I want to have things under my control, so that I might have my own way - just the opposite of that early 20th century hymn.

Not only are we distracted from our innate spiritual poverty by our wealth and self-sufficiency, but we also actively ignore it, because to admit it would upend our world and force upon us a radical reorientation . . . Many people who are poor have a greater appreciation of God's presence because they have a greater appreciation of their reliance on God.  God is close to the poor because the poor are close to God. - ibid.


My first response in reading this was to recognize how this observation fits with the atheistic misperception that faith is a crutch for the weak.  Indeed, the next anecdote that Fr. Martin shares, concerning his father's increased spirituality which coincided with his downward spiral from cancer, would seem to confirm this.  Yet that isn't the conclusion Fr. Martin ultimately reaches, nor is it mine.  There is a reason that Jesus says, "How blessed are the poor in spirit."  I was once so proud of the richness of my personal strength, long before I found out just how poor and weak I was.  Even so, it is an easy trap to fall back into.


So the question becomes for us: in what ways do we need to stop putting our trust in the riches of treasure and talent with which God has blessed us - even if we acknowledge that these blessings are from Him - in order to invest our trust instead in God himself and his providence for us, which runs so much deeper than our ability to make the most of our gifts?  Maybe more importantly: are we willing to stop relying only on ourselves?  Are we willing to be so humble, in ways of which we can never be proud?