What brings me home

For all that atheists insists that everything about our world can be explained by science, I am fortunate to have first-hand experiences - and second-hand experiences of people I trust implicitly - that science cannot explain.  Where did Maureen's ovarian tumor go?  What caused the supernatural phenomena that Marta experienced?

Every other spiritual experience of my own life could probably be explained away by a true skeptic.  But these things must simply be accepted or dismissed.  Oh, I suppose someone could allege that Maureen was the beneficiary of the untapped healing power of the mind, but that's as much an issue of faith as anything I believe.

What's it all about, Alfie?

What motivates atheists to not be narcissists, or more generally, to be good people?  Given any conflict between what they want to do and what they've been socialized to believe is right, why do they choose the latter?

I choose to do what I believe to be right not primarily because of fear of God's punishment, but out of thankfulness for what God has done for me - the gift of salvation and the blessings that overflow in my life - and a resulting desire to become the person God would have me be.  But in the absence of God and, more specifically, of Christ's example, what would drive my sense of right and wrong?

I can see why "do no harm to others" might be a mantra, and I can see why some of the social changes that secular society espouses arise from this approach.  But what constitutes harm, and why should I make any undue sacrifice - even undertake sometimes-greater "harm" to myself - for the sake of others?  And what constitutes an "other," for instance from the standpoint of beginning- and end-of-life issues?  How do even scientific criteria (consider how we protect an endangered species throughout all stages of development, but not a human being) manage to take a back seat to freedom of individual choice, which seems to really be the motto by which society is guiding itself?  And if this life is all there is, shouldn't I just try to cram every experience and pleasure I can manage into it?

I don't see how we can survive as a society without the central concept of being endowed by (our) Creator with certain unalienable Rights. If our rights are not divinely appointed to us, I do not understand why else we have any grounds to feel we have any rights at all.

This is not a mere academic exercise.  If there is no god, my concept of the person I should be and my motivation to strive for such a standard vanish together.

Lasting impressions of Disney World lead to other memories

I was just observing to a friend who's currently in Orlando that I can't believe it has been 37 years - and six Presidents - since we visited the Hall of Presidents on our Disney World visit when I was 15 years old, the summer after my dad died.  I was going to share this with her, too, but it doesn't seem like the sort of distraction I'd want to have if I were on a family vacation.  (So if you're reading this from there, you might want to save it for later.)

That summer trip brings back such fond memories of youthful naivete.  Dad had died the summer before, which had been quite a shock, and there were major revelations yet to come about him.  I'd finished my freshman year in high school, and already on this road trip I'd replaced my unrequited crush on my eventual friend Therese (the next year, when we'd start being friends, I became privy to her nickname, Tree, though I've always thought she should have spelled it Theree; there's an outside hope we might get to see her in September . . . ) with an unrequited crush on my cousin in Jacksonville Beach, Sue.  This trip would serve as a dual impetus for mom to eventually tell me the truth about my paternity.  Later in the trip, visiting with Dad's family in Kansas, some of his Michigan family was visiting too, and when they met me one of them observed, "So this is Gary's boy . . . . ?"  Turns out that was either a misguided observation about mom and dad's dishonesty or a misunderstanding of which of us really was his biological child.  In the fall, emboldened with fresh hope for a relationship with my Florida cousin over whom I was still obsessing, I inquired whether she really was a blood relative.  Since she was mom's cousin's daughter, if I was really "Gary's boy" (as opposed to my mom's, I thought) then Sue would be fair game.  Stupid teenage thoughts.  Mom pretty much had to set the record straight at that point, explaining that Gary had adopted me when they'd married, a couple years after I was born, instantly chopping several years off of the length of their marriage in my mind.  Later in the school year, an old neighbor would stop by after school one day when mom was at work, and she nearly spilled the beans about dad's suicide, which prompted mom to finally come clean about the means of Dad's death.

. . . where was I? Oh yeah . . .

The Hall of Presidents was one of my most lasting impressions of WDW.  I was into history, and I thought the animatronic Presidents were amazing.  There was no Epcot yet; and mom wouldn't let me ride the new Space Mountain ride.  [She was a wee bit overprotective - before she met my stepfather, at least. I was going to observe how ironic this was until realizing that, no, he intentionally and systematically broke down her protectiveness.  (see why I wouldn't want to dump all this on an unsuspecting friend on their family vacation?)]  So the high points that I now remember most were the Pirates of the Caribbean - which I imagine is an even better attraction today given the great success of the film franchise - and the Hall of Presidents.

Defensiveness

I find that the most consistent indicator of my security (about anything) is my inner state when I encounter someone who disagrees with me.  If I feel defensive or dismissive, I'm probably not really so sure of myself, whereas if I feel peaceful I'm generally more comfortable with my own position.

I wish I could claim this was an original thought, or that an insight that I gained by careful self-observation.  This is almost universally true, and my long-ago counseling team was the first to successfully convict me of it.  It ended up being a breakthrough moment in therapy for me, and a lesson I've never forgotten.

I may not have finished with this counseling team, but I probably took my biggest strides with them.  There was one counselor in particular who seemed to be able to pose just the right question or make an insightful observation to pierce my defensiveness and help me to see a deeper truth that I'd been avoiding.

As a result of my experiences, I tend to think that those who are most vitriolic in their discourse are similarly insecure with regard to the positions they espouse.  This has the effect of pouring the fuel of false self-assuredness onto the fires of disagreement.

Today's word

vilipend \VIL-uh-pend\ - 1. to hold or treat as of little worth or account. 2. to express a low opinion of : disparage

An appropriate word given the tone of political discourse today.

Revelatory questions

Could it be that questions tell us more than answers ever do? - Michael Card, Could it Be?


Sometimes they do, if we pay enough attention to them.  I have a friend who just publicly wondered why, years after moving into her current home, she is just now unpacking some boxes.  I think she's likely to find an answer to what caused her to be doing so now, and she might find therein a surface answer to why she hasn't done so previously.

But the reasons beyond the surface are probably worthy of a bit of her consideration, not in the sense of revealing any major personality flaw, but in the sense of "how we learn to be the best-version-of-ourselves in small ways."  It's the small choices that each of us makes daily which most often stunt our growth and thereby serve as the greatest barriers to us in our lives and our relationships.

And that's as true for me as for anyone.

Nurturing foolishness

As he considers his nature so as to better understand himself and make good decisions in life, there are some thoughts a man should not let his mind linger upon, lest they influence his choices in wrong directions.


If he does unwisely nurture such thoughts, he ought not write them down in order to return his mind to them, nor should he refine them in great detail so as to maximize their attractiveness.  


If he be so utterly foolhardy as to record and burnish them thus, he must not share them.


But should he do all of these unwise things, he must remember always that they are just thoughts, and that he would never choose the actions they might indicate.

Hope?

Perhaps another century isn't out of the question.  I did a 70-miler today with no cramping, so maybe by the end of the season . . .

drip . . . drip . . . drip . . . drip . . . dri.

Regardless of the condition of one's marriage, whether it is blissful or miserable or somewhere in between and maybe dealing with biggish issues that need to be resolved somehow, it is important to not let piddling annoyances get blown out of proportion . . . 


This has been a good day for us, and I won't knock it off kilter by overreacting to something that really doesn't matter.

Guarding my person

What makes us who we are, and how are we to guard that?

Does that seem like a useless question?  It seems crucial to me, and fits into everything that I've been chewing on about myself and about the world.  If, as I have believed for so long, there is a loving God, I have clear answers: God has made me who I am, and to be the person God would have me be I must live in Him - by the Holy Spirit - and choose to do as He would have me do.

But if there is no God, well, I can still remember hearing a radio psychologist (Dr. Laura?) saying, "Don't tell me that you are anyone other than what your actions show you to be."  She was addressing someone who was trying to make a distinction between the depth of her feelings and the shallowness of her actions, but the point is still true, as far as it goes.

Where it falls short is that our actions, the decisions we make, don't exist in a vacuum outside of what we think and feel.  These three things - our thoughts, our feelings, and our behaviors/actions - interact with one another in response to various stimuli from our environment, but to some degree our thoughts and feelings are themselves stimuli for our actions.  The choice we make in responding to a feeling or emotion we may have is guided by our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, our world, and the situation we are in.  So the key to guarding ourselves becomes keeping watch over our thoughts so that we have the correct framework in place to guide our actions in response to our feelings and external stimuli.

So if I am to preserve my self-respect as I consider my beliefs about myself, the world, and God, it will be important to be especially vigilant of the person I want to be.  I may yet need to examine why it's important for me to be certain ways, especially when the character traits I value are so closely rooted in my lifelong belief system, but that consideration bears its own hazards and may be best left for a later time.

"don't be stupid," it says to itself.  it then proceeds to keep being stupid - but at least to be on the lookout against its stupidity . . . 

Today's words

plage \PLAHZH\ - 1. the beach of a seaside resort  2. a bright region on the sun caused by the light emitted by clouds of calcium or hydrogen and often associated with a sunspot

Lots of new (to me) WsOTD from the Merriam-Webster site lately.  I love it!  And a related one as a bonus:

li·do  \LEE-doe\ - a fashionable beach resort

And one from the dictionary devil that makes sense but I'd never heard:

lancinating \LAN(T)-si-,nay-ting\ - characterized by piercing or stabbing sensations

Guilty

You know what?  I frequently think about my bride and my marriage in less than these glowing terms.  Maybe I shouldn't, but maybe always being so over-the-top would really be ignoring the real life issues we continue to deal with.

Still, I love her deeply, and try to be really careful how I reflect her - and marriage in general - to the world.  She is a treasure to me, and I believe she is God's gift to me, and I to her.  I know that our marriage is a manifestation of the love of God, and I give myself over to it daily.  And just as God works in us as individuals bit by bit, as we gradually grow into the sons and daughters he dreams for us to be, so is our married life transformed a little at a time into a more perfect reflection of his love for us.

Cautious introspection

As I read other people's often-agonizing stories of self-discovery, or those from the perspective of their (usually former-) spouses, I seem to see a common element of self-aggrandizement.  Is there a line between healthful introspection and selfish egocentricity?  I think there a clear differences between the two, so the more pertinent question is: how can I recognize it and avoid the path that leads to it?  I think of two analogies I've heard concerning perspective that I think are applicable:

Held close enough to the eye, a tiny pebble can block our view of the sun.

Looking at a wall through a tightly-rolled tube of paper and seeing only blue, we tend to conclude that the entire wall is blue even if we are really looking at the only small blue spot on the entire wall.

If I begin to think that the rest of my life and my relationships are obstacles to the "more important" task of self-discovery, if my own feelings seem more important than consideration for the people I love, if the areas I'm examining begin to seem like the most important parts of myself, then I will know that I'm losing my perspective.

I am determined, in my efforts to understand myself, to avoid choices that would crush the people I love along the way.

Today's word

yawp - 1. to make a raucous noise : squawk  2. clamor, complain

"I sure hope my friends' boys aren't yawping too much on their vacation!"

What kind of fool am I?

To abuse Churchill's observation regarding Russia - a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma - I may be an oxymoron wrapped in a puzzle inside a contradiction within a paradox.  The person that I aspire to be and the person I am are at odds. Still, I think that many people have such a challenge within and I don't imagine myself as having an inordinate degree of hardship because of it. Others deal with far harder circumstances. For me, it is more important to embrace my struggle to know who I am without letting these newly-discovered aspects of myself steamroller either the parts of myself that I must treasure and nurture or the people I love.


I tend to think that most people's aspirations are somewhat at war with parts of their nature. St. Paul suggests as much, but I don't think it's only true for Christians trying to allow their spiritual nature to have dominion over their physical lives. In small ways, we are often challenged in our workplaces with tasks that call us to overcome weaknesses and develop parts of ourselves that we've never exercised before. Maybe a father strives to balance time with his family against time for himself, or a mother struggles to teach her children self-control in the context of what's best for them rather than what creates the environment in which she is most at ease. Many spouses choose to love by setting aside attractions and relationships that have the potential to lead them into infidelity, for the benefit of letting their partner know the safety, security, and depth of committed, monogamous love.

The thing is, my struggle isn't just a matter of purity of spirit battling against weakness of flesh, though I suspect that may be the key to it (to invoke Churchill again).

How fundamental a part of myself is this aspect which my dear bride is understandably repulsed by and fearful of, which she has clearly and plainly said does not appeal to her? What of it is learned and nurtured, and what has been part of my nature all along? Does it matter how it came to be a part of me, now that it is?  Regardless, no matter how at ease I become with my entire self, I know I mustn't indulge myself at her expense, even were she to suddenly have a change of heart and encourage me to do so.  I think that our traditional marriage vows omit something very important as they look to the future of our two-lives-become-one-faithful-life together: "no matter what I may discover about myself along the way."

Not over yet, cont. . . .

Oh, and regarding the statue: I think the university found a reasonable middle ground here.  This statue was going to be a slap in the face of every abuse victim who - as all do - had some other adult in their life the enabled the environment in which the abuse occurred.  Leave the Paternos' name on the library: it is unlikely to feature prominently in any sports coverage even if the football team should eventually return to national prominence.  But taking down the tribute to the man in whose house (i.e. under whose watch) Sandusky perpetrated his crimes with impunity for so long, regardless of how knowledgeable he may have been or whether he helped sweep anything under the rug, seems an appropriate response for a school that really wants to help put and end to the culture of silence in which abuse thrives, and to help keep the survivors of sexual abuse from being reminded so frequently.

Not over yet for the victims

On the one hand, I'm tending to agree with Mike Wise, who suggests that the only appropriate response to the institutional environment that so elevated sport's importance as to create and perpetuate an environment in which Jerry Sandusky could abuse boys, even after his departure from the coaching staff, was  to issue Penn State's football program the death penalty.

On the other, I see how the penalties which the NCAA handed down, coupled with the changes that PSU has already implemented, might be significant enough to prevent any similar future corruption of that culture and promote healing for victims of childhood sexual abuse. The thing is, there was entirely too much emphasis put on the importance of this football program on campus, and I've been told that JoPa's stellar graduation rate was inflated by the intimidation that professor's felt to pass his students at any cost.  I don't think this culture was unique to PSU, though one would hope that most schools wouldn't have a predator in their program to take advantage of the situation to the degree that Sandusky did, nor have such an overblown sense of the need to protect the program that they'd let him get away with it.  Okay, so the 1998 incident was "investigated," but still . . . 

I can understand why the Paterno family might feel their patriarch's reputation, and by association their own, has been inappropriately tarnished.  They probably feel hurt and indignant.  I hope they have the good sense to realize that this isn't about them. Joe Paterno was the head football coach at PSU, and is thus responsible for what happened under the auspices of that program. If the football program's legacy calls for almost 15 years of records to be wiped out because the harm that was done warrants such a response, then I can't imagine that Joe would try to duck the effects that has on his place in FBS history.  

But I'm sure glad I'm not the judge who had to determine an appropriate response.  

More humility needed

It's probably a good thing for me to remember that I'm not "all that."

Today's words, with an unexpected twist at the end

vanward \VAN-werd\ 1. located in the vanguard : advanced

The troops at the head of an army are called the "vanguard," and that word can also mean "the forefront of an action or movement." It was "vanguard," rather than "vanward," that led the way on the route into English. "Vanguard" was first documented in English in the 15th century. By the early 17th century, it was sometimes shortened to "van"—a reference might be made to an army's "van and rear." Some 200 years later "vanward" brought up the rear, making its English debut when writers appended "-ward," an adjective suffix meaning "is situated in the direction of," to the shortened "van," thereby creating a word meaning "in the forefront."

welkin \WEL-kin\ - 1a. the vault of the sky : firmament  b. heaven  2. the upper atmosphere

When it comes to "welkin," the sky's the limit. This heavenly word has been used in English to refer to the vault of the sky since at least the 12th century, and it derives from an earlier word from Old English that meant "cloud." In current English, "welkin" is still flying high, and it is often teamed with the verb "ring" to suggest a loud noise or an exuberant expression of emotion, as in "the welkin rang with the sound of the orchestra" or "her hearty laugh made the welkin ring." These contemporary phrases echo an older use—the original words of a carol that once began "Hark, how all the welkin ring," which we now know as "Hark! The herald angels sing."

1 Cor 13

Love keeps no record of wrongdoing . . . 

So I won't.  That's easy enough to decide here.  Now for the brain to cooperate.

I'll try to focus on the blessings later

Just finished supper.  Leftover creamed beef and leftover mashed potatoes, once we got home from taking the grandbrats home after getting back from the lake.  Because our grandbrats ate two sausages/dogs/brats each at the lake before anyone noticed what they were up to, leaving none for me.

I'd have just gone to bed without if I hadn't learned from that mistake just last night.

Today's word

fructify \FRUK-tuh-fye\ - 1. to bear fruit  2. to make fruitful or productive

Cycling and baking

What a nice day.  It was a gorgeous morning for a nice long bike ride, then some hang out time this afternoon.  Am now working on a blueberry pie to take to the lake tomorrow.  The type of filling wasn't so important, but I mostly wanted to try this crust again before I completely forgot where I found the recipe.  I also found out where to by Plugra, the highe-fat content butter that's supposed to help the crust stay more flake than gooey, along with pre-baking the bottom crust and using high-alcohol vodka to replace some of the water because it evaporates better.  And I get to try out my new rolling pin.

And the walls . . .

For the first time in a long time, I felt a bit like an alien or an interloper in our meeting last night.  I don't know how much of that is because of my doubt and how much is mere impractice as I hadn't been to a prayer meeting in weeks.  I completely agree with what Fr. Neuhaus (among others) has said: either Jesus is the Truth as he said, the central truth that is the only context in which everything else matters, or he doesn't matter at all.  But when I hear others speaking of him lately, and of their spiritual experiences, I find myself increasingly tending to be dismissive of them.

This is a potentially dangerous place for me.  Doubt makes it hard to lay down the parts of myself that I'd otherwise want to indulge.  And it is hard to just fix my eyes upon someone I'm not sure I believe in.

I forgot . . .

How my brain and eyes take some time to adapt to these bifocal contacts.  Shifting focus between the near and distant fields isn't at all natural at first.  Sometimes I can feel the effort taking place on its own, and other times I find myself consciously trying to make it happen. We'll have to give this a few days to see how it really goes before concluding whether this is going to work out for me.

hello, wall

Today's words

luciferin \loo-SIF-uh-rin\ - any of various organic substances in luminescent organisms (as fireflies) that upon oxidation produce a virtually heatless light

luciferous \loo-SIF-uh-rus\ - bringing light or insight : illuminating

These make sense when you know that the Latin "lucifer" means "light bearing."

Stories like this - and like mine, ultimately, for that matter - should make me feel better, right, as opposed to: ?

Go ahead.  Ask me about the one I haven't posted.

I'm in a pretty bad way.  Something's gotta give.

Ingratitude?

Ingratitude is both a sin and a poison, and it destructive of relationships.

So is living separate married lives.  If what you want from life is to watch inanity on the idiot box every. single. night.  you're going to be keep driving us apart. I don't want to live our lives this way.  I'm tired of being lonely.  I'm tired of the only time I'm happy with you being when we are away.  I'm tired of spending evenings at home like this, in the same house but separate worlds.

I know you love me.  I love you, too, and want to spend my life with you.  But your passing caresses do nothing to connect us when that's all you give me of yourself, when you don't share your time or your attention, when you seek out and embrace entertainment that separates us.  And I find myself gradually preferring my own evening activities to any likely alternatives.

The nine days we were gone were wonderful, even with the lousy weather and the sore back and the damned mosquitoes and no-see-ums.  The time we spent together was so nice.  But it makes the loneliness of these three nights we've been home feel all the emptier by contrast.  And if you're just taking a break to catch up on the things you really enjoy after our time together, well, that tells an important story, too, doesn't it?

Today's words

So WOTD gets consistently interesting while I'm on vacation.  Some catching up, starting with today's:

wifty \WIF-tee\ - eccentrically silly, giddy, or inane : ditzy
kedge \KEJ\ - to move a ship by means of a line attached to a small anchor dropped at the distance and in the direction desired
anthophilous \an-THAH-fuh-lus\ - feeding upon or living among flowers
tucket \TUCK-ut\ - a fanfare on a trumpet
sciential \sye-EN-shul\ - 1. relating to or producing knowledge or science 2. having efficient knowledge : capable
hydromancy \HYE-druh-man-see\ - divination by the appearance or motion of liquids (as water)
scupper \SKUP-er\ - British : to defeat or put an end to : do in
bruit \BROOT\ (v) - report, rumor — usually used with about

Several of these I probably could have had a good stab at.  I didn't include tetralogy in the list . . .

Vacations, and life

There are some ways in which the contrasts between being on vacation and daily life should be celebrated and embraced only for the duration of the time away from home.  Being on an island and in a town where I could do most of my traveling by bicycle was very nice, for instance, as was the morning trip to the coffee shop, but I'm not going to live that way every day (though I know people who try to, as much as possible).

Then there are other ways in which it would be nice if the behavior patterns of vacation could actually carry into daily life.  It was nice not feeling every night as if . . .

oh, hell . . . 


what's the use of that?  you can't change someone who is perfectly content with who they are - shouldn't even try.  

Today's words

I probably have some WOTD catching up to do, but in addition to today's here are some others I've encountered this morning:

skirl - 1. to emit the high shrill tone of the chanter; also : to give forth music 2. to play (music) on the bagpipe

Not every musical instrument is honored with its very own verb. But then, not every musical instrument emits a sound that quite matches that of a bagpipe. Depending on your ear, you might think bagpipes "give forth music," or you might be more apt to say they "shriek." If you are of the latter opinion, your thinking aligns with the earliest sense of "skirl" — "to shriek." That early sense was used of screeching maids, winds, and the like. Scottish poet Robert Sempill first used it for bagpipes in the mid-1600s. The meaning of "skirl" has shifted over time, however, and these days you can use the verb without causing offense to bagpipers and bagpipe enthusiasts.

blandish - to coax with flattery : cajole

colligate - 1. to bind, unite, or group together  2. to subsume (isolated facts) under a general concept

corrade - to wear away by abrasion

What a wonderful week!

A few pics also posted elsewhere.  First, the morning view from the front yard:

Next, the crew that was in our way trying to get out of the neighborhood, on more than one occasion.  This group actually walked right past our place one evening:

 Here's a full view of the lighthouse.  I have more, of course . . .

 Cassie and Nic.  It was so nice spending the week with them!

 My honey and I before leaving the beach.

Stoopid

Very achy lower back + not knowing where the analgesic is + not being able to choose to sleep in a bed = a very bad night.

Budgetary constraints

Things that I could (probably) fit in my financial budget but not my time budget, at least on a regular basis (in no particular order):

sailing
motorcycling
mlb.tv
nfl sunday ticket
visiting friends out of town
the acc network
being in a (praise/worship) band
skydiving
golf
reading fiction
finishing my book (though that isn't entirely a time issue)
visiting the out-of-town grandkids again before they leave the continent

The loading has started

Heading out in the early hours tomorrow for a week plus a weekend of traveling and visiting with family and friends.  Of course we've been packing already, but now have started loading the first few things into the car.   A couple of them should really go in later, but if I didn't put them in now I might forget them. Hopefully I'll be able to load the crates when I get home from work before my gig tonight.

Funny how that part worked out.  There are two of us who have been doing music for area-wide things in the renewal, and the other guy has always been available for the first Friday mass.  However, he and his wife are on vacation, so fortunately this is a first Friday event rather than first Saturday.  But if the crates and big suitcases are ready to go, that will just leave the coolers, food, and small suitcase to take care of in the morning.

This should be a very nice week.  It may have been a little selfish of me to agree to help our daughter and son-in-law meet up with us, but I just had to take advantage of the opportunity to spend time with them.

A previous day's word

And I've no idea how I missed this WOTD:

amative \AM-uh-tiv\ - 1. strongly moved by love and especially sexual love  2a. indicative of love  b. of or relating to love

Am familiar with one or two of its relatives, but didn't know this one.

Contagious madness

I think I should not spend too much time mucking around in others' emotional instability, even if it is only semi-autobiographical and is at least semi-fictitious.  It has been nice to get reacquainted with The Wall, but now it's time to put it back away for a while.

It is more important to be kind than to be right

I first encountered this truth in the context of a lie.  Someone presented it as part of a list of things that Andy Rooney, or maybe Walter Cronkite, indicated he had learned in the course of his life, but it turns out that list wasn't really from whomever it was attributed to.

That doesn't make this observation any less true.  And the time it is most true is when we are in the wrong.

I have a friend, probably the only friend I have who knows my truth yet I don't feel especially close to, who insists on being right without recognizing the harm he is doing to his family in the process.  Last night we were supposed to spend time with him and his family, but received a very terse phone call from him cancelling at the last minute.  I had my wife call his to make sure that things were okay, pretty certain that they must not be.

It seems that, in the course of the evening, he realized that he needed a battery for something.  The only batteries of the type he needed had been purchased for his oldest son.  Now, this man has a long history of clashes with his son over their individual weaknesses, which feed each other like gasoline vapor and open flame.  The son has a degree of autism along with other issues, and the man is very much a control freak, expecting his children to respect his wishes despite his utter inability to be a nurturing dad.

In this case, when the son mentioned that the batteries had been purchased specifically for his use, his mother very courteously asked him whether it might be okay for them to borrow one from him.  At this point dad saw nothing except a power struggle, and began to berate his wife for shifting the power to his son. He became overbearing and insulting, loudly denigrating her for her ignorance in giving their son so much control over this situation.

The wife wisely left, at that point, prompting the cancellation call.  She unwisely left the children behind, and we felt it was important to check up on them.  We're pretty sure that no physical abuse occurred, but the situation was quite tense and we knew that wasn't going to be nurturing for anyone.  Indeed, the daughter had left the house to walk to the local park, and reported that the youngest brother was in tears and the older one, the one at the center of the conflict, was swearing and breaking things.

We went to the park to give the daughter a ride home, and for my wife to check in on her in person.  They've had a special relationship since my daughter sponsored her I hope we didn't overstep our bounds in attempting to make sure that everyone was safe.  though we didn't fear for their physical safety.

Today's word

tombolo - a sand or gravel bar connecting an island with the mainland or another island

(courtesy of the reader comments on today's Pearls Before Swine.)

Incredible Independence Day

"Slept in" until 7:30, then ate and got in 25-miler on the bike.  Relaxed for a bit, then finished the cheesecake.   Went to the pool with the wife and grandkids for a couple hours.  Spent the evening with friends, with good food, fun, fireworks.  It was a really wonderful day.

(The frustrations were mostly small and rare, too.)

Today's word

volant \VOH-lunt\ adj. - 1. having the wings extended as if in flight — used of a heraldic bird  2. flying or capable of flying  3. quick, nimble

In what do I place my faith?

"That's not the kind of humility I wanted," I said . . . . "I wanted a humility I could be proud of!" . . .  Most of us are so accustomed to going it on our own that we overlook our ultimate dependence on God. - James Martin, SJ, My Life with the Saints


Wow.  Though offered at first humorously, this experience and observation rings so true for me.  I often don't want to be dependent on God.  I want to have things under my control, so that I might have my own way - just the opposite of that early 20th century hymn.

Not only are we distracted from our innate spiritual poverty by our wealth and self-sufficiency, but we also actively ignore it, because to admit it would upend our world and force upon us a radical reorientation . . . Many people who are poor have a greater appreciation of God's presence because they have a greater appreciation of their reliance on God.  God is close to the poor because the poor are close to God. - ibid.


My first response in reading this was to recognize how this observation fits with the atheistic misperception that faith is a crutch for the weak.  Indeed, the next anecdote that Fr. Martin shares, concerning his father's increased spirituality which coincided with his downward spiral from cancer, would seem to confirm this.  Yet that isn't the conclusion Fr. Martin ultimately reaches, nor is it mine.  There is a reason that Jesus says, "How blessed are the poor in spirit."  I was once so proud of the richness of my personal strength, long before I found out just how poor and weak I was.  Even so, it is an easy trap to fall back into.


So the question becomes for us: in what ways do we need to stop putting our trust in the riches of treasure and talent with which God has blessed us - even if we acknowledge that these blessings are from Him - in order to invest our trust instead in God himself and his providence for us, which runs so much deeper than our ability to make the most of our gifts?  Maybe more importantly: are we willing to stop relying only on ourselves?  Are we willing to be so humble, in ways of which we can never be proud?

Nature vs. nurture

Most people tend to believe that God or nature has made us the way we are, at least in the ways we consider most central to our personhood. There is obviously a degree of truth to that: I have no control over how tall I am, the color of my hair, my receding hairline, and countless other physical traits, and there may be many more important emotional and personality traits that similarly depend on our genetics - or are at least greatly influenced thereby.

Yet we also recognize that there are other aspects of ourselves that our experiences and decisions have played a critical role in.  A world-class athlete has a high amount of natural talent, but none become world-class without developing that talent into the skills of competition.  In addition to their accumulated experiences, or perhaps a result of them, there also seem to be factors involved such as a drive to excel and an ability to perform under pressure which also contribute to the final results.  Alternately, a person may have a natural tendency to be overweight, yet undertake diet and exercise practices that help them maintain good health.  A gifted scholar must still study to gain expertise, though they may not have to do so as strenuously as one to whom learning does not come so easily.  Where do these and countless other examples fall in the nature vs. nurture debate?


We also have other experiences from the mundane to the traumatic that play critical roles in forming us throughout our lives.  Both the positive and the negative ones reinforce or influence certain of our likes and preferences.  Physical, intellectual, spiritual and emotional joys, comforts, sadnesses and traumas form our being in ways we do not fully understand.  


So questions arise: what of our tendencies, even those which feel like a central part of our unchangeable identity, are the result of our experiences?  Which are ours by nature?  Do the different sources of our selves carry different weight in defining who we are?  Are some preferences more important than others?


These questions are so deeply philosophical and theoretical, yet touch on the central question of what makes each of us a unique person. Together they form the keystone issue in our discussions as society grapples with this one: how do we identify the things that are truly universal human rights, and balance justly between them, when conflicts arise?  The central tenet of our nation has always been that one person's rights end when they infringe on another's equal or more fundamental rights.  But our evaluation of that hierarchy of rights is becoming very different in our society from what it has been in the past, and we are reengineering entire societal institutions around our changed perception of that balance and its implications.  

All of this, though, is a long diversion on a reflection that started out being about what makes me the person I am.  When there are elements of my person that I think it best not to nurture or pursue, how do I draw the line so that I'm not denying a fundamental part of myself, to my own detriment as well as ultimately that of those around me?  Whether some aspect of myself is inbred, nurtured, or some combination thereof, does its source affect its fundamentality to my personhood?  Does that change if there are so many examples to examine going back so far in my memory that it is impossible to ascertain the source?  In the context of my spirituality:

• God is the source of both my nature and my experiences
• we are clearly not to embrace every impulse that comes upon us
• we are also clearly not to remain as we are; we are to grow in our holiness in the Spirit by shedding that which detracts from it and embracing that which nurtures it.  

So, can part of myself be less central to me than the same (or similar) part of someone else is to them?  Is denying even what may seem a fundamental part of myself part of what it means to lay down my life for those I love?

Did not the Son do the same to an infinitely greater degree, both as God in leaving the throne of grace to be incarnate as our savior, and as man in laying down his life for us? (Is that one a question or the Answer?)

There goes that Supertramp snippet again.

Views and posts

I just noticed I've had 6666 page views.

Am in the middle of a post.  Not long, but pretty serious, and I don't want to give it short shrift.  It deals with people, in a sense, so it's worth accurately expressing my true thoughts about, but I can't really do those justice in the midst of the work day, or I wouldn't be doing my work justice!

Today's words (updated)

pandect \PAN dekt\ - 1. a complete code of the laws of a country or system of law  2. a treatise covering an entire subject

Another new word from Merriam-Websters WOTD.  I like new words!  Oh, and here's one from Friday's weather:

derecho \deh-RAY-cho\ - a thunderstorm complex that produces a damaging wind swath of at least 240 miles (about 400 km), featuring a concentrated area of convectively induced wind gusts exceeding 50 kts (58 mi/h, or about 93 km/hr).