Decades ago, I became too close to a female friend, who knew it well. I made the mistake of rebuffing her concern that I was exercising unsound judgment by practically boasting that I had been very careful in choosing our friendship, and that I was completely confident that I didn't have to worry about her ever crossing a line that I wouldn't choose to cross on my own. I was sure she wasn't attracted to me, I knew I wouldn't make a first move, and I was certain she wouldn't either.
I was mistaken. She took my misplaced confidence as a challenge, and shattered it. Our actions never went as far as they could have, due to the confluence of her limited agenda and very a disturbing event in my life that caused me to reevaluate my priorities. Following the funeral, I was dealing with so much emotionally that I just wasn't interested in picking up where we'd left off, and she soon moved on to her next challenge. Several years later we visited her family in their new home, and I swear she was trying to pick things back up again. I wasn't at all interested and deftly avoided the one potential situation in which she might have expressed such an interest. Another decade thereafter she deeply humiliated two of my younger family members; had I still been enchanted by her, I hope that event would have been eye-opening, but I've demonstrated an ability to be an obtuse judge when it suits my emotional agenda. Still, by then I had a much healthier perspective on most of my life.
But that original flirtation was the last time I let my feelings run wild to the point that I turned over my own decision-making responsibility (which, of course, we never really let go of) to another person. What I mean is, I have embraced the importance of setting appropriate boundaries for my life; I have learned that I can never rely on someone else to do it for me, or use their decisions as a substitute or excuse for my own.
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