When Saint Maximilian Kolbe was a child, he had a vision of the Blessed Mother offering him his choice of two crowns: a white crown representing purity, and a red crown representing martyrdom. In his vision, he said that he would accept both. His beatification and canonization point to the fulfillment of this vision, as he is the only saint to be beatified as a Confessor of the faith (white) due to his death as an act of Christian charity, then to be canonized as a martyr who is considered to have been killed because of his faith.
When I look at the evidence of my own life, I doubt that I'll ever deserve either crown.
Living in Christ's love is important to me. Living a life of purity is a less motivating concept. Are the sins to which I remain prone perhaps too enchanting to me, or too much a part of my being to be carved out completely? But that would be like insinuating that my own challenges are greater than those of any other would-be saint. As for laying down my life, doing it in small ways is a continual challenge; God alone knows if I would do so in the ultimate form if I were ever put in that position.
Should I take comfort in the fact that I'm not impulsively blurting out that I'd lay down my life for you, Jesus? Is that a sign of humility, or merely vacillation?
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