Dear Columnist:

I read a letter in an advice column yesterday, which I could relate to the feelings of, that nonetheless scares me for how it illustrates our society's prevailing narcissistic attitude. Were I to embrace this perspective, I could perhaps find myself in the position of writing a similar letter. Thankfully, I don't and I'm not. It's a foregone conclusion that the letter writer has chosen to pursue a same-sex relationship with a friend over fidelity to her marriage of over a decade. The only question she has is whether it's more honorable to do that in silence - offering her husband the illusion that their marriage is something that it isn't - or to tell her husband about it. But any other option - such as just choosing to be faithful and not act on her desires - is apparently beyond considering.

I may have reflected before that I think that the most important part of the marriage vow is left unspoken. For richer, for poorer; right. In sickness and in health; check. Forsaking all others - well, at least until my unique circumstances make fidelity an unreasonable burden, but that's not what I mean that we omit. Sometimes you'll hear a wedding homilist talk about the importance of remaining committed even if our partner changes, or doesn't change, in significant ways. But I've never heard anyone address the circumstance that drives so many marriages apart: "no matter what I might discover about myself along the way."

If I learn that my interests are very different from my wife's, I must remain all the more committed to her, seeking out the common ground that keeps us growing together. If I learn that my flaws are glaring, even to the point of endangering people I love, I must be so committed to her that I am willing to see that truth about myself and do whatever hard work it takes to address those problem areas.

And if I learn that I have attractions that I didn't recognize at the outset of adulthood - whatever the gender of the attractee might be - I must be committed enough to her to lay down that part of my life in fidelity to my bride.

Acknowledge it, yes; denial is it's own trap. But lay it down. After all, that's what we're supposed to do with all the other temptations to cheat that we encounter, right? And even in circumstances like this, I personally think that's a better answer than society's, which wraps up the indulgence of our curiosity and desire in the fancy paper of "being true to yourself."