Do the roots of it matter?

Sometimes I feel as if I have been too influenced by my stepfather's worldly attitude, that it has become too much a part of me. I don't mean the specifics of our shared dysfunction; I am in fact still utterly repulsed and disgusted by my ever having shared in that, and I can no longer even set my mind upon the thought processes that led me there anymore. For that I am grateful. But more generally, the narcissism and even the internal disdain for living wholly according to God's will - which made it possible for him to use me and everyone else he fancied for his own pleasure - feels like a part of my being, too. It isn't that I desire to use others as he did; I don't think I'm prone to that part of it. But it is more as if I am, at least a little, resentful that I am subject to anyone's guidance but my own, even one who loves me and wants what is best for me as I believe God does.

I can't help thinking, though, that this is not so much my stepfather's doing. It isn't as if I hadn't found myself fully able to do things I knew were wrong in all sorts of different arenas of my life prior to knowing him. I think it is maybe more a part of our basic sinfulness. This is the true fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil of which we have partaken in our pride. I am still jealous of people who don't seem as prone to my specific struggles, though, who seem to have hearts so much purer than I know mine to be - even those whom I respect and love so deeply for it, and so wish I could emulate even though their easy way of being free from it seems foreign to me and even though I witness their own struggles to humbly trust and walk with God. I must remember not to envy the very gifts for which I so admire them!

Bless the LORD, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless his holy name!
Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the Pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good as long as you live so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The LORD works vindication and justice for all who are oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel.
The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger for ever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor requite us according to our iniquities.
For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father pities his children, so the LORD pities those who fear him.
For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field;
for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more.
But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children,
to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments.
The LORD has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all.
Bless the LORD, O you his angels, you mighty ones who do his word, hearkening to the voice of his word!
Bless the LORD, all his hosts, his ministers that do his will!
Bless the LORD, all his works, in all places of his dominion. Bless the LORD, O my soul!

Ps 102