An amazing love

My wife's love is an incredible thing.

I don't know how many partners get - or take - the opportunity to recognize what a wonderful gift it is to be loved. I think our recognition of the wonder of it gets obscured by the fundamental opinion that "I'm a basically lovable person." The psychologists would probably tell us that this sort of self-esteem is important for our emotional health, and there may well be something to that view.

But my life didn't really begin to be transformed until I came face to face with a far different truth, one that many of us hold unconsciously and prove to ourselves in a wide array of self-fulfilling ways. Perhaps there are well adjusted folks who never deal with this, but many people I know struggle with the question, "Why do I do that??" For me, the answer finally became apparent: "Because I have always believed, way down where I couldn't even really hear it whispered, but just quietly knew, that I am not lovable." My life proved it again and again because I repeatedly chose behaviors that would reinforce this silent certainty, even while striving with my entire consciousness to build an artifice which demonstrated what I wanted to be true rather than what I knew to be.

Of course, to become healthy and whole, I had to learn that my silent, core belief was false. And that cognitive harmony, ladies and germs, I could never have achieved without the unconditional love that my wife has shared with me. When I knew, because I had proved it beyond questioning, that I was unlovable, she saw just the opposite. And her vision has finally become my reality.

The love that she chose - and continues to choose - still amazes and transforms me. Once I thought her unable to receive my love, projecting my unrecognized shortcomings onto her. Now, I have come to love her with my whole heart.

If you're reading this, my darling, know how I love you. I hope you take pride in knowing that your love has made all the difference to me.