Growing impatient

I've learned in multiple contexts, and have firmly believed, that two out of three almost always wins out.

There are three primary aspects of our basic personality.  The most important, and the one over which we have the most direct control, consists of our decisions and behaviors.  Another is our feelings, and the final one is what we think and believe.  When my behavior, my beliefs, and my emotions are in sync with one another, life is generally pretty harmonious.  That isn't to say that there aren't circumstances and bumps in the road, but they have a peaceful framework to fall into, and end up being pretty manageable.  Part of the importance of making decisions based on a truth greater than our feelings is that, when there is a conflict, the odd-aspect-out will shift to fit in with the other two.  So if my feelings and my beliefs are in harmony, I will generally act in accord with them.  If my feelings and my beliefs are at odds, whichever one I act in accordance with will ultimately bring the other along for the ride, so to speak.

I've held a conscious belief about myself for a long-assed time now that has been at harmony with the rest of my life.  It turns out that it was previously an unconscious belief that wound its way through my life in frustrating and ultimately hurtful ways.  Overcoming that unconscious belief was an important part of my former program of therapy.  I've since concluded - I think correctly - in the absence of being able to eliminate it, at least owning it consciously has been key to keeping it from driving unhealthy decisions.  My conscious internalization of that original and mostly negative belief about myself has worked with my decisions and my emotions to allow me to live in the way I believe I'm supposed to, to be the person I think I'm called to be.  It has also made it hard for me to know when I'm being a pushover, to my wife's great frustration.

But it turns out that this belief about myself is very likely wrong.  Useful, but wrong.

So I'm now trying to live out the same kind of healthy decisions that I've been making for years based on this wrong premise, only now to do so in harmony with a new understanding of the truth about myself.  But I don't fully believe it yet.  I guess I've never learned how to cut myself some slack.  And my feelings will just not line up with a belief that I don't fully embrace just because I'm making the right decisions about it all.