Idling

I wonder how long an AA member has to fake it before deciding that she has made it? In other contexts, isn't faking it just disingenuous? I've visited this thought process before, though I'm not sure I've written about it.

I understand that what they're faking is behavior, and that eventually the behavior pattern indeed becomes a part of them and they aren't faking it anymore. But my long held and counselor confirmed approach to the interrelationship between thoughts, feelings, and behavior doesn't really seem to be holding true. Maybe that's because I've been holding onto an undermining behavior for too long, and this whole thought process this morning is just an attempt to rationalize away a good decision that I've made to change my behavior in a positive way. It may be time for me to have another look at the ABC's of CBT. (There's a nice section on that page on the lies we tell ourselves, but I don't think any of them represent what I've been up against. Perhaps I need to pull out The Resilience Factor again; I remember that book being helpful for me, but then again, I was dealing with something very specific then.)

I'm going to fake it for a while longer, and see what happens. But for now, I feel both unhappy and artificial.