Back to status quo

I had no business feeling vibrant
Though the joy for once was pure.
Yes, I felt the sun again for a few weeks
That even then I knew to be fleeting.
Those days were sweet refreshment.
I'm not going to whimper now
let alone rage against my re-dying.
This is, after all, where I belong.
Don't worry: it isn't existential.
There's an inner dying, too, you know?
We're even called to it.
Long have I've tarried here
At the only resolution
of three unacceptable alternatives.
I'm settling back into my place.