Every day it brings back into focus the very thing that has driven me to seek God to meet my every need. Every day it challenges me to seek a reconciliation where I know I have done no wrong, that the circumstances and thoughts that torment me are outside of my ability to control and that I am in fact doing what I should in response to them. Every day the examen reminds me that I still feel isolated and hopeless. Even on a day when I have received what should be moderately good news on the professional front and yet my heart and soul remain tender toward my departing coworkers, my examen brings me no quarter.
I know that I must shift my focus off of myself and back to God. That's what this decision to undertake the Exercises is all about. I honestly know that it is not a prideful undertaking. Yet even its suggestion about how married persons should best do them is a daily reminder.
Lord, if this is of you, a step toward losing myself more completely so that you might more fully have your way with me, then I embrace your painful pruning. If not, please provide the way you intend for me.
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