One of my Orioles' fan coworkers walked by my cube this morning and asked if I went to the game last weekend. In the process of answering, I lied again.
I put a high value on honesty, but in this case I cannot reconcile it with a higher one. I simply cannot say the bald truth - that I was discouraged from going rather than encouraged, and so I didn't go, even though I longed to - because I don't want to portray my bride in the negative light that would result from it.
So yes, there are a couple of things that this reveals that I need to turn over to God. I need to not hearken to my lifelong fandom more than to being the husband and grandfather and follower of Christ that I am called to be. I need to quit blaming my wife for something that was, ultimately, my decision to make. I need to be done with this childish petulance that I don't have the life I wish I had, and mourning over unimportant things in a way that interferes with my appreciation for my many blessings.
At least I was calmly honest with my bride when she suggested that I might be glad I didn't go to the game on a fairly chilly day.
I suppose I may be dying to myself a little bit more here, which would be a good thing, but I'm not sure I am doing it right. If I am or if I'm not, it hurts about as much as you'd think dying would.
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