Lenten journey

I'm skeptical.

Not of God.

Well, probably of Him, too, a little.

But I'm definitely skeptical of me. I've started down this road too many years, having Lenten seasons that I end up feeling proud of - and maybe that's part of the problem - only to end up with an Easter season that proves that I have made not a bit of progress in consistently abiding with Christ. I'm afraid that, at the conclusion of this season of prayer and fasting, I will again stop making the choices that are best for me and most please my Lord.

A couple of things from the past week give me hope. First was the Office of Readings reflection from St. Augustine, on which I briefly also made reference to the second thing, the temptation of Jesus which we read about in Sunday's gospel reading at mass coupled with our relationship with him as I observed in my own reflection. A little more about the latter.

After Jesus had fasted for forty days, Scripture says he was hungry, and so he was tempted in his weakness. My Lenten journey does not contain anywhere near the fasting from food that Jesus endured, but nonetheless at the end of it I can be somewhat weakened spiritually, especially if I'm relying to strongly on my own efforts. That ends up being the source of that pride that I mentioned. See what a great Lent I had?! As if that were not truly the result of God being at work in me. So instead of building my journey upon God, I build it on my own choices. As soon as I make a poorer one, I'm back to square one. (Never square zero, thanks be to God!)

Jesus faced the temptations that arose at the end of his fast with the same reliance on God that got him through the fast in the first place. When tempted, he responded not from his efforts, but with the immutable truth.

So here's the thing: if my members were to do something contrary to what my head was commanding, that would means there was something wrong with my body, and I'd go to the doctor to figure out what was and get it fixed. But the Body of Christ does stuff contrary to what our Head commands all. the. time. As a member of his Body, when I conclude my Lenten fast, this member needs to continue consulting with my Head rather than responding in whatever ways I might want to on my own. If I should make a decision contrary to what I know is best for me in God's will, I will need to reconnect with my Head and stop being an out-of-control member. I'll need to continue being rooted in prayer and scripture, continue desiring to walk in this victory that Jesus has won for me over sin and death more than anything else I might want in this world.