Freaks

An old high school friend has posted that she wants to know when "they" are going to "protect our children from freaks like Jerry Sandusky." Please don't take offense, Kathy, but there are at least two things wrong with that. First of all, sexual abusers are entirely too commonplace to be referred to as freaks. Secondly, "they," as in "the government," cannot protect us from people like him.

A commonly quoted statistic is that one in three girls and one in six boys are sexually abused before adulthood. I'm careful about quoting such stats as fact without knowing the method behind them and whether the study has been replicated, neither of which I know in this case. But for every serial abuser we know about there are untold others others who commit their offenses against people they know, family members or friends who are vulnerable or who are in a vulnerable position. I can give you four examples I know of from my own family, only one of whom ever faced the consequences of his actions in this world (though two have gone on to face whatever awaits in the next; I pray it is, somehow, mercy). Still, it isn't freaks who sexually abuse children; it is ordinary-appearing men and women (yes, it happens to be men in the news now, but there have been plenty of women, too) who are broken in ways that drive their behavior in directions even they don't fully understand. It would be a huge mistake to excuse sexual abuse because of that, but likewise to demonize everyone who abuses as if such offenses are only committed by freaks. Either approach impairs our ability to effectively deal with this difficult and scary issue.

The government cannot protect our children from abuse, though neither can it abdicate its responsibility to prosecute it and protect our children from further offenses by the same perpetrator when it learns of them. Even diligent, loving parents can't always protect them, but that is the first and best defense. For children who lack such parents, other concerned, attentive adults in their lives are indispensible. But it is crucial that all of us ensure that appropriate boundaries are in place to keep our children safe. The two-adult approach isn't foolproof, but it's a start.

I'm sure to need to write more on this.