Another application of La noche oscura del alma concept

We must then dig deeply in Christ. He is like a rich mine with many pockets containing treasures: however deep we dig we will never find their end or their limit. Indeed, in every pocket new seams of fresh riches are discovered on all sides.  - From a spiritual canticle by San Juan de la Cruz

I suppose this is what keeps me coming back, no matter how often I may question my faith. Each time I do, I find something more, something deeper, that feeds me and helps me grow in a new way. I've found nothing to compare to the depth of Christ.

Would that men might come at last to see that it is quite impossible to reach the thicket of the riches and wisdom of God except by first entering the thicket of much suffering, in such a way that the soul finds there its consolation and desire. The soul that longs for divine wisdom chooses first, and in truth, to enter the thicket of the cross. - ibidem

I find myself applying these words in a different context to that intended by St. John, and yet maybe it is actually the same context.

I am greatly blessed to have a relationship with my wife which nurtures the both of us, allowing us to grow both as individuals and together, and to be amazed by the love we discover together through one another. Yet it has not always been thus. Far from it. We each entered into our marriage burdened with great impediments to our union and to our individual spiritual and emotional maturity. We gave each other ample cause to break off our relationship permanently, and the occasion when we were (I was) most determined to do so was thwarted only by our economic circumstances (God's perfect providence).

Because we bore with each other through these difficulties and, more importantly, entered into the thicket of much suffering which it took to make the changes we needed, we have discovered the riches and wisdom of our relationship together, finding there our consolation and desire. That isn't to say we're there yet. We each have ways in which we need to continue to grow, and we may not yet be finished needing help to get there.

St. Paul emphasizes how the marriage is a metaphor for God's love for us, so I think St. John would accept my misappropriation of his concept. We husbands are told, "Love your wives as Christ loved the Church." - Eph 5, 25.  I have heard this paraphrased as "Go the way of the cross for your wives." Yet we attempt to bear our crosses under our own effort, and insist on seeing them as impositions upon us rather than as a choice we make freely to love fully. As a result, we too often feel we lack the strength to carry a much smaller burden than Christ would easily bear through and for us.

So this concept for which St. John is known most distinctly, the dark night of the soul that leads us into a deeper, fuller experience of God's love than we could ever know without entering into it, embracing it, hungering within it for God's presence and knowing that no other food could satisfy our ravenous appetite, applies to the marriage, as well. Yet our society rejects the idea that there could be a hunger with any purpose other than its own satisfaction. Our analgesic culture rejects the efficacy of pain. Our solutions must be instant, or we are ready to move on.

We should not tolerate or enable abuse. Aside from that, we would do well to bear the crosses of our marriage as burdens of love, through which both we and our beloved become the people we are to become.  When you come right down to it, in each case that is a far greater person than who we may have thought we were dealing with as we entered into our marriage.

Likewise, when we struggle for any sense of God, we would do well to embrace our darkness for a while and give God a chance to brighten it in ways we could never imagine.