This is beyond me

But it is the will of God that Christ both did and taught. Humility in dealings with others; steadfastness in faith; modesty in words; justice in deeds; mercifulness in works; discipline in morals. To be unable to do a wrong, and to be able to bear a wrong when it is done; to keep peace with the brethren; to love God with all one’s heart; to love God because he is a Father but fear him because he is God; to prefer nothing whatever to Christ because he preferred nothing to us; to adhere inseparably to his love; to stand faithfully and bravely by his cross; when there is any conflict over his name and honour, to exhibit in discourse that steadfastness in which we proclaim him; in torture, to show that confidence in which we unite; in death, that patience in which we are crowned – this is what it means to want to be co-heirs with Christ, this is what it means to do what God commands, this is what it is to fulfill the will of the Father. - St Cyprian's Treatise on the Lord's Prayer


If Christianity is a new standard, I am hopeless.  I'm unable to even avoid being jealous of the gifts my Father pours into the lives of others.  Rather than rejoice for them, I look at my life and see my shortcomings, my longings, my failures, rather than God's providence, God's blessings, God's grace.  I long, rather than simply be.  My time in prayer, in reflection, in Scripture, rather than draw me into the Lord's presence and peace, reveals my stubborn, stupid, selfish pride, shows me how far I am from living as I am called.


Yet I know that in all circumstances and at all times I am to rejoice in the Lord.  So thank you, Lord, for showing me how far I have to go.  Thank you for letting me know that it isn't up to me to get there, but only to participate as you bring me the whole way.  Thank you for giving me this new day in which to be drawn by your grace more deeply into the abundant, joyful life you desire for me.  And, if I may be so bold as to now ask something, Lord, please heal those whom I love and draw them more deeply into your love and your presence.