I keep scouring this chapter from Abba's Heart on forgiveness for that one quotation that leaps off the page and says, "Yes, this thought is the fresh insight that encapsulates this truth." And I just can't find any combination of Neal's sentences that accomplishes that.
But the one concept that he expresses that I love is the idea that unforgiveness is such a blocker for us spiritually because it is a rejection of the very nature of Jesus Himself. It isn't that "The vindictive Father will refuse to forgive you if you refuse to forgive others." It is that it is impossible to enter the Father's forgiving, merciful heart - on display in Jesus' tortured, lifeless body hanging on the cross - and to simultaneously keep our own hearts closed off by invoking on others the judgment which we ourselves deserve. I cannot receive God's mercy while I withhold it from others, and if I receive God's mercy I won't knowingly withhold it from others.
Now, there may be a number of reasons why I do so unknowingly. For instance, events from years or decades ago may have influenced our lives in ways that feel like part of ourselves, so we don't recognize anymore that we need to forgive the classmate who shunned us, the girl- or boyfriend who broke our heart, the parent who taught us to be so self-judgmental, or the sibling who belittled us. Or, I may have sincerely tried on my own to forgive an offense that hurt me more deeply, for which I need to enter into God's protective heart to sufficiently feel safe and be healed to be able to sincerely wish blessings for the person who hurt me. But unforgiveness for any reason is an impediment to God's liberating power. Fortunately, it need not be. God is eager to help us welcome our prodigal brother home.
For the life of me, I can't seem to remember the name of the young man with whom our daughter was living six months ago, who responded to their breakup by stealing household goods she needed to care for her children. I can picture him with his motorcycle, bandanna around his head, and clearly see his face in my mind's eye, yet his name escapes me even though I thought I'd never forget it. My heart wants to rage against him, on behalf of my daughter and her children, "Whatever the two of you went through, why would you take this out on my grandchildren!" Instead, I find I must lift up this clearly wounded young man, whose name the Father has etched on His own heart, and ask Him to bring him home.
As much progress as I sometimes think that I have made in the area of forgiveness, other people come to mind for whom I know I must also pray.
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