A very tangled web

Ironically, one of my mother's favorite expressions was from a Sir Walter Scott poem: "Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive." I could spend a few paragraphs on the first word of this post, but it really isn't at all about mom. Last night I was awake a considerable period of time after realizing the ongoing presence of a quite complicated web in my life. It's no wonder that Dayton Unbound uses the Mary, Undoer of Knots devotion. I think I need to pray that novena.

The Five Keys to spiritual freedom are faith and repentance (which form one key, based on the Gospel: repent and believe), forgiveness, renunciation, authority, and the Father's blessing. I find myself struggling with several of them in an area which either the Holy Spirit or my mind brought to my attention during the night. I have been feeling resentment toward a couple people - maybe several, now that I think about it. And resentment means there is unforgiveness present, but not always toward the person you resent. Sometimes it can be unforgiveness toward another person who is more responsible for your resentment, but it can also be tied up with something of which we need to repent. In this case, I feel I need to repent of a decades-old lie. The genesis of this untruth was related to a sin of which I have already repented. The lie itself was not of my making, but I was the one to figure it out and am the only one involved who seems to know that it is an untruth. But to repent of something means turning away from it, and I must not turn away from this lie, or others will bear far worse hurt than I do. So I must find a way to forgive the others who were involved in this lie to which I must adhere, not merely for their involvement in the original untruth, but for my current status as someone who is dishonest, which I detest.

It seems like a situation for a therapist, but I have been down that road multiple times already, and I'm already maintaining the path upon which we have agreed. 

If you're my friend, dear reader, I would find it most helpful if you could find a way to let me know that you are praying for me in this. I feel so alone with it, and the person to whom I would otherwise turn is a part of this web, and discussion with that person on this topic has repeatedly proven unhelpful.