"This is my desire, but Thy will be done"

Some people, to avoid the pain of surrendering, ignore their hearts and pray for God's will in a sterile, apathetic way. It is like playing poker for peanuts instead of dollars: there is nothing on the table. Our desires ought to be brought before heaven so that our hearts go there, as well. - Neal Lozano, Abba's Heart

I get this. I think that I don't do it, but understand why people do.

There is a difference between praying for our heart's desire, though, and praying for all that we desire. When we start walking with the Lord, we begin to know when something we want is clearly not the Lord's will for us; we trust what His Church teaches us about His loving call for our life, what is good for us, and what isn't. We learn to pray about that thing we want in a different way: that the underlying desire or need that it represents will be met in a way that glorifies God rather than in the thing that we have focused on. This is part of having our hearts conformed to God's will.

Our relationships with our spouses may manifest elements of this growing spiritual maturity. We may play the martyr by ignoring our moments of frustration, or pray for God to change our partner in some way. It may be that, for their own sake, they sincerely need to grow in a way for which we might intercede on their behalf. But to offer this intention without including our own feelings and desires prevents us from accepting any growth God may have planned for us, too. When we offer God our honest feelings and ask the Father to provide what we truly need as well as the growth we might desire for our partner, we give Him permission to also provide us with a heart more conformed with His love for our spouse.