A bride with her head on straight

(Well, the groom, too, but this story is about the bride.)

My wife and I recently attended the wedding of young friends who seem incredibly well-suited for each other. Of course, neither that nor their current focus on Christ guarantees the permanence of their marriage, and they fully know that they will have to guard and nurture their relationship throughout their life together. It was such a joy to be with them as they united their lives in Christ's love.

During the reception, one of the groom's family members commented to me that the bride and groom had both been "choosy," his point being that this was part of what makes them a good couple. As evidence, he mentioned a much earlier conversation in which he evidently inquired of the bride why she wasn't already "taken," and her response was, basically, "Are you kidding? Look at me." She is a stunningly attractive young lady, and he interpreted her to mean that she wasn't willing to just settle for just any guy, that she wanted to spend her life with someone truly special.

While that is probably true enough, I think he missed the essence of her response.

I don't think she was at all saying that she was too beautiful to settle for anyone less than the husband she has found. Rather, I see her insisting that she recognized that it was important for her to be with someone who would love her for who she is rather than merely for what she looks like. I imagine she had no shortage of guys who were entirely willing to fall in love with their idea of what she must be like based on her physical attractiveness. I suppose that some of them may have grown disappointed to find out - to use as crude a metaphor as possible - that her defecation has just as much aroma in it as anyone else's; after all, everyone's poop stinks. I also can't help but think that some of them may have looked to her to provide what was missing in their own self-image: if they could be with such a beautiful young woman, they must be okay. That would not have made for a healthy relationship, and she would have insisted on that! Also, I expect that the men who might have been physically drawn to her made for a considerable noise factor, making it more challenging to recognize when she was with the one with whom she could grow together in God's love for all their lives.

"Look at me," I can hear her saying. "Don't look at what's on the outside, these things over which I have only so much control and are only the smallest part of me. REALLY look at me, and see my whole self! There's beauty – even greater beauty – within, too: talent, understanding, intelligence, motivation, but also hurt, and broken imperfection, and I need someone who is willing to love all of me, and I have only now found the one who will accept and love me for all that I am rather than what they think I must be, who will let me be who I am while helping me to grow into who God wants me to become rather than trying to force me into who they want me to be. Above all, I am a committed daughter of my loving Father, and I need my groom to see that, and to be just as committed to being His son, so that we can allow Him to love us through each other for our whole lives!"

The first time I met her eventual fiancé, he made an ill-advised observation that "they were working" on some weakness of hers. It concerned me, at first, on a couple of levels. But the two of them seem to have grown beyond any uncomfortable implications of that statement, and to have found a person with whom they fit uniquely well.

I am so glad that each of these dear people has found someone to love all of them.