Conforming (phase 2), The "Hidden Life" and the Value System of Jesus Christ (step 10), session 6

The Two Ways in Jesus’ Teaching

"Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is easy, that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life, and those who find it are few. - Mt 7:13-14

Hmm.  Contrast that with this:

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." - Mt 11, 28-30 (same book-level hyperlink)

Both are contrasts between two ways. I think the second choice is dependent upon the first one, though. I don't see how we can come to Jesus for rest if we have not chosen the hard way that leads to life.

Last night as I lay in bed before nodding off, I was feeling resentful of being there alone, again, while my bride watched another television show, again. Still, I tried to take it on as a loving act to lie on her side of the bed so that it would be warm for her.  I must not have done a very job of putting my heart into that, though, as when she came to bed some time after I had fallen asleep and raised the covers to climb between the sheets, I snapped at her for "freezing me out." I almost immediately apologized profusely, but she was in tears over it.  I think if I had taken on this favor with more of the heart of Jesus, perhaps I wouldn't have been as prone to snap at her when I was awakened by the chill of the air.

It would easy for me to excuse myself because of the years and years of going to bed alone on so many nights, and the sadness and loneliness that has engendered in my heart. And it would maybe be easier had I not told her often how much I hate this to no avail. But I should instead focus on walking in Christ's love, sharing my heart openly with her and taking on any outwardly kind act without resentment.

Now that I've told her that I shared her wish that I would die in my sleep, and since we've begun counseling together, I need to start breaking my habit of hiding my heart from her.

I'm now finished with step 10, nearly two weeks behind schedule. The next couple of steps are each allotted a week, but they are mainly focused on reiterations of the Two Standards meditation that I didn't really fully enter into, which was supposed to be part of this step. This will give me a chance to revisit this meditation and may also allow me to make up some time on the retreat calendar. 

I'm concerned about step 13 being another potential divider.