Conforming (phase 2), An Enneagram Exercise and The Value System of Jesus Christ (step 11), session 2

"(The retreatant)  should decide of the pace of going through the Exercises process, and a calm, relaxed, and reflective way of doing this is always preferable. The general rule is that we stop with a particular exercise, point, or reflection while we feel that it 'gives some fruit' and go ahead to the following points only when see that we have 'exhausted' the present material." - Manual for the retreats

Okay, given this permission and taking my focus off of the calendar, I want to revisit the last paragraph I quoted in this post . . .

Responsibility is an indelible characteristic of human existence and it means that we ought to give a response or an answer for our acts in front of our conscience.  - The Two Standards meditation, 140-142. First Part: The Standard of Satan, the “values” he uses to deceive and seduce all of us

 . . . as I've been struggling a bit with my tendency to perhaps impute too much responsibility to myself. This is often my response when I see my children and grandchildren struggle with their own decisions, and my first assumption is always that this is because I failed them as a dad (please, don't try to tell me that I was not a failure as a father, especially if I've never told you how I failed them) or a grandfather (definitely not so much the case, though in that great examen at the end of everything I'm sure I'll learn of some stumblings; mostly, I just know what the Scriptures say about our sins having multi-generational effects).

The way I tend to do it, this is sort of akin to God saying to himself every time we sin, "Well, it's my fault; after all, I made him like that!" (Okay, ducking the lightning bolt now: just picture the eternal Son hearing Father say this over and over again in eternity, until finally the Son replies, "All right, Dad, enough! Time for me to go fix it once and for all. Gabriel: go find us the right virgin!") No, of course God doesn't do this. God knows that he has lovingly imbued us each with our own free will, and allows us to make of it what we will, just as we see our children and grandchildren doing.  He also knows, as I do, that he has loving equipped each of us with everything we need to decide rightly instead of wrongly. (That is, I know that God has done so.) And his lamentation for our sake is even greater than our own for those whom we love, because we love only finitely and imperfectly.

*Sigh*

Trying to take responsibility for their decisions is the other opposite of humility, which would diminish their own responsibility and personhood. (Another instance of there being opposite ways to stray from the path which lies between them. So much of life is this way.)

("But," I'm tempted to think, "maybe parents who haven't completely undermined their kids don't have to deal with all of this so much?" Ugh.)

Okay, so this "session" isn't based on the other Scripture passage which is provided for this step, but the nature of this step calls for some deviation from how I've numbered the sessions thus far.