I've been so pleased with my progress in the Exercises, and was so looking forward to the Christmas season, but it has been an emotional quagmire and I have not exercised the slightest bit of spiritual discipline in the face of it. Last night was relatively calm, but that calls into clarity just how stressful our life has become, as there was still ample conflict.
The Magi
The popular bumper sticker a couple decades ago proclaimed that "Wise Men Still Seek Him," in which case the last couple weeks have revealed my lack of wisdom. It seems as if I don't trust him to lead me beside still waters, to provide abundant pastures for my fulfillment and his glory. (or to help me keep my metaphors straight.)
I want to bring him my very best, but I doubt that I have a very best to bring. I want him to take what I have and let him make it a better offering, but am having trouble trusting myself in the midst of the turmoil. I want to hear his guidance directing me the path by which I am to go home - or on to where he is leading me - but am filled with doubt that he will.
Here is where I am, God, and you are no longer an infant who must be visited by others. Please bring me home.
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