Reforming (phase 1), Our Personal History of Salvation (step 5), session 4

Just when I was on my own case for getting too far behind the power curve comes this session that really should fall on a Friday anyway. I suppose if I'd synched up with the liturgical calendar just a week sooner it would have hit on last Friday.

But the reason why it's a Friday session is because it contains the wonderful hymn of repentance which is part of morning prayer every Friday: Psalm 51.

My transgressions, truly I know them;
my sin is always before me. - Ps 51, 3

It is too often true that we hide our sins from ourselves, let alone from God. We may have a lot of different reasons for this, including our wish to think more highly of ourselves. This lack of humility is an integral part of our sinfulness. But like David, I have found my sinfulness is undeniable. But there is a danger for those of us who can't ignore some great failing in our lives, especially a failing which we have already addressed and dealt with, and which God has already long since forgiven. Keeping our attention focused on the past keeps us from growing in the present, from allowing God to set before our minds the sin from which he longs to cleanse us today, in his abundant love for us.

I am not describing a perfectionism in which we are never good enough, but a calling to holiness which God offers us as a gift and we often fail to fully receive. Having received such an apparent gift of grace, we may fail to grow in grace in all the ways God envisions for us.

Create a pure heart for me, O God;
renew a steadfast spirit within me. - Ps 51, 10

I believe God rejoices when we pray this in earnest!

My sacrifice to God, a broken spirit:
a broken and humbled heart,
O God, you will not spurn. - Ps 51, 17

What are the hallmarks of a truly contrite heart?  There is clearly more involved here than mere regret of our actions. I think of the months and months over which I failed to take decisive action against my most hurtful actions, and the decades of tolerating my less harmful ones, and I conclude that true humility of the heart is a challenge that I have not fully embraced. I believe God's grace is greater than my shortcomings, though, including my failure to be steadfast in holiness.