Reforming (phase 1), Hell and Mercy (step 6), session 7

Maybe I'm already there.

I mean, is my calling really to sit on the sofa and consume banal entertainment and try to find some form of fulfillment in that, for the sake of nurturing our unity? And then to go to bed alone (again) while she partakes of more?

I'm feeling pretty ungrateful this morning for God's abundant gifts. Maybe that is the beginning, at least, of hell.

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all within me, his holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul, and never forget all his benefits.
It is the LORD who forgives all your sins, who heals every one of your ills,
who redeems your life from the grave, who crowns you with mercy and compassion,
who fills your life with good things, renewing your youth like an eagle’s.
The LORD does just deeds, gives full justice to all who are oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses, and his deeds to the children of Israel.
The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and rich in mercy.
He will not always find fault; nor persist in his anger forever.
He does not treat us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our faults.
For as the heavens are high above the earth, so strong his mercy for those who fear him.
As far as the east is from the west, so far from us does he remove our transgressions.
As a father has compassion on his children, the LORD’s compassion is on those who fear him.
For he knows of what we are made; he remembers that we are dust.
Man, his days are like grass; he flowers like the flower of the field.
The wind blows, and it is no more, and its place never sees it again.
But the mercy of the LORD is everlasting upon those who hold him in fear, 
upon children’s children his justice,
for those who keep his covenant, and remember to fulfill his commands.
The LORD has fixed his throne in heaven, and his kingdom is ruling over all.
Bless the LORD, all you his angels, mighty in power, fulfilling his word, who heed the voice of his word.
Bless the LORD, all his hosts, his servants, who do his will.
Bless the LORD, all his works, in every place where he rules.
Bless the LORD, O my soul! - Ps 103

There are a number of verses herein trying to speak to me; ordinarily I would selectively quote and reflect upon a few of them. Today my dark mood and cold heart seek only to rebut them. I know this Psalm is truth, yet it does not reach through the shroud I have wrapped around myself.

Last night in my bride's frustration I had the good sense to simply offer frequent hugs, which she appreciated. Today I feel certain that there are none that would bring me comfort.

This concludes phase 1. By no means do attribute my foul mood to these Exercises. I know I have my attention in the wrong place despite them, not because of them. I pray that Grace may keep my feet upon the path that I would forsake.