Conflicting needs, before, during, and after

Before (Monday night):
Granted: I could have chosen to forgo the final Jubilee Way of the Cross at the base, despite having missed the service there last year because of being in Louisiana and despite the many people we know and love there. After all, if being at your sister and brother-in-law's 40th anniversary were "more important" to me, I would have just done that instead of trying to find some way to do both things, right? I have, however made a commitment, and my absence might disrupt the program drastically, as I don't know whether Bill is available.

I also understand that the solution I came up with wasn't a pleasant one; traveling over Friday night, taking turns sleeping along the way, then returning on Sunday would definitely not have been easy (even Monday could have been an option, really, in spite of our work schedules), and I understand why you'd prefer not to do it..

But by booking your flight, you've slammed the door on any practical chance of my going with you. The gas money is now spent on your ticket, even if I could manage that Friday night drive alone. And please don't twist my acknowledgement that it was your right to do so into agreement with your plan.  I think I was pretty clear that I wasn't going to be happy about this.

The thing is, it meant so much to me to be there that I was desperately trying to find some way of accommodating my conflicting need to be both places.  I'm really hurting over how your decision excludes me. I know that wasn't the motivation for your decision, but it is its end result.

As I've said before, I always try to make sure you can do what is important to you. This was important to me, and I feel like you've just blown me off.

During (Tuesday afternoon):
I really appreciate the effort you're making to help us figure out how I might join you. I'm not sure what happened to help you realize how important this is to me, but I was really hurting over how things went down last night, even after I expressed my wish to find a way to be there. Even if things don't work out at this point - either we decide not to spend the extra money on my airfare (and the rental car I think we'll need), or just aren't able to lock in the fare you found - at least I don't feel like you were just being dismissive of my wish to be with you to celebrate with Lynne and Allan.

After (Tuesday night):
Well, I'm really glad to be going. But I can't figure out how to convey how hurt I am by how this whole thing went down, and that my wishes didn't really matter enough to motivate you to seek a solution.  It seems as if you were content with just leaving me out of things, rather than helping to find a solution that would meet my needs, too.

I'm really glad that your sister felt otherwise, and that her opinion mattered enough to you to take action on, and especially that I'm going.

Still, neither my going nor my loving you keeps me from being concerned about how we eventually arrived at this resolution.