St. Paul and St. Vincent

"Life to me, of course, is Christ, but then death would bring me something more; but then again, if living in this body means doing work which is having good results-I do not know what I should choose. I am caught in this dilemma: I want to be gone and be with Christ, which would be very much the better. "  - Phil 1, 21-23

An internal debate of mine, but in a far better context.  Yet I cannot help but think that St. Paul had the advantage of having overcome his failings. While my worst moments are in my past, they do not fade, nor have I finished yanking out their roots.  I don't like my remaining weakness, sinfulness, addiction to endorphines, whatever term we might wish to use for self-indulgence.  Yet I don't seem to hate it enough, either.

"If a needy person requires medicine or other help during prayer time, do whatever has to be done with peace of mind. Offer the deed to God as your prayer. Do not become upset or feel guilty because you interrupted your prayer to serve the poor. God is not neglected if you leave him for such service. One of God’s works is merely interrupted so that another can be carried out. So when you leave prayer to serve some poor person, remember that this very service is performed for God. Charity is certainly greater than any rule. Moreover, all rules must lead to charity. Since she is a noble mistress, we must do whatever she commands. With renewed devotion, then, we must serve the poor, especially outcasts and beggars. They have been given to us as our masters and patrons." - St. Vincent de Paul

How interesting that this reading and feast day should follow yesterday's gospel reading.  I've far too much in common with the self-indulging rich man, and far too little identification with Lazarus.