Here's something one shouldn't dwell on for too long: how do self-conscious acts of kindness yield to true selflessness? I hope to discover this, but am convinced that I won't if I think about it too much.
Here's the rub: we do kind things to please another, yet their reaction pleases us in return, makes us feel proud. So what's really the driving motivation, the other's pleasure or our own pride? This is probably a good dynamic to be aware of. The problem is, it's a bit like The Game (sorry Game-aware readers), which I just learned about the other day: just thinking about it means you've lost (and of course, I've just lost The Game again). Or it may just be like the watched pot that never boils, how having the lid off of it allows enough energy to escape that it can never overcome its latent heat of vaporization.
This is tangential to Fr. Neuhaus' observation that we seem to know that our own love for God (and by extension, for others) can never be sufficient in quantity or purity, that instead of rooting around in our "rag shop" we need simply unite our meager offering to that of Christ. The Holy Spirit will make it what it needs to be. The more obsessed we get with perfecting it on our own, the more it becomes about the opposite of love.
In any case, I need to avoid being too introspective with this . . . Not that I'm prone to introspection, or anything like that.
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