Following

"The point is that, in this life and in the world to come, those who follow Jesus will receive everything they want, if what they want is to follow Jesus . . ."

"At one level, we love God because he has promised us salvation. At a second and higher level, we love God without regard to whether he will save us. At the highest level we love God even though we know that he will eternally condemn us for loving him. . . . As strange as it sounds, some saints and mystics have spoken that way." - Fr. Richard John Neuhaus, Death on a Friday Afternoon

It might not be clear from the second portion I've quoted that Fr. Neuhaus doesn't agree with this view of these alleged levels of purity of faith. Neither do I, really, yet I often find myself at the second of these "levels." And tying into the first quote, sometimes all I know for sure is that I want (and strive) to follow Jesus, to know him and have him live in me and transform me. I want people to look at me and see someone who loves Christ, someone for whom loving Christ makes all the difference, and someone through whom Christ is making all the difference in others. And at the end of my life, I shall not find myself surprised should God tell me that my failings have been so great that my eternal presence with him would be so great an obstacle to those I've hurt that they cannot find their place in him if I am in mine, that I can no longer follow Jesus. That would truly be Hell. But if that should be, I will be one of the voices howling in the ears of my fellow condemned, proclaiming God's great love and justice, knowing that I have received no greater punishment than I deserve. Yet I hope in Christ that this will not be so.

At such times, I find that I cannot quite quote St. Dysmas from his cross.  For me, it is more like this: Jesus, remember them - those I've offended, for whom I've been more than a mere scandalon, but a barrier blocking the way to you - when you come into your kingdom.