The morning started off pretty darkly, and if I'd kept up with just stewing in my thoughts it would have ended that way, too. After all, by the end of the day two of my girls had made all the time and effort for me that it took them to send a text, and one of them should never be expected to make any time or effort for me anyway. But this would have bothered me much more had I just been moping already.
I suppose the transition started by going to mass again. Prior to that I was pretty emotionally wracked, resisting the day amid my usual dynamic of being certain that I don't deserve to be celebrated as a dad. When my wife started talking about where she might take me out for Father's Day, I know that my response took her aback: "You know I just try to survive this day, right?" Then I quietly went downstairs and cried for a few moments.
It's clear that she doesn't understand the struggle. I'm not sure she understands how severely damaging my actions were. So I'm glad that our parish doesn't so much honor us on Father's Day as simply pray over us.
After my wracked tears, I dried my eyes and put the finishing touches on getting ready. Once at church, my emotions settled down pretty well, and I was able to enjoy the homily to which I'd only been able to give passing attention the previous evening as I tried to keep our youngest granddaughter from being excessively distracting to our side of the church. When our middle daughter and her husband inquired after the service about getting together, my wife invoked my earlier response to her in dismissing their suggestion, to which I wasn't really averse.
The evening and morning had been dry after a rain-filled Saturday morning and afternoon, so when we got home I checked the status of the yard. It seemed dry enough to allow me to mow, even the back, which'd had me worried. Since I wasn't sure if I'd get another shot at it before more rain rolls into the area, I got right on the chore. It was a hot early afternoon, but the job went smoothly.
After finishing the grass, I saw that my wife had responded to a FB message from our youngest daughter looking for someone to join her and the kids for an early dinner out, asking me if I wanted to do so. I agreed, especially as I knew it wouldn't be too fancy or expensive. Clancy's was the plan, and middle daughter and her husband agreed to join us. The timing was perfect, because I needed to take time to finish up with our evaluation of this month's budget. By the time I emerged from the shower to leave, the youngest had cancelled because the kids needed a nap, so it would be just the four of us. Before we left I made sure to announce my intentions for a bike ride afterward. It wasn't clear that the weather was going to cooperate, but after enjoying a more leisurely meal than we'd planned due to slow delivery of our food - though it was still nice to hang out together - the cloud cover had given way and it was a quite nice late afternoon.
I did have a slight - and welcome - delay before setting out on my ride, and the evening weather was quite nice. Based on a known wash-out in the path to the east, I decided to head toward town. I figured I could get as far as the bridge across the river for a short jaunt north, but I also only intended to be out for an hour. The direction ended up being convenient, as there was a fairly stiff and steady westerly wind, so I worked into it on the way downtown and would have it at my back on the way home. I wasn't watching the time or the distance very closely when I hit a flooded section of the path about a half mile before the switchback for the bridge, it seemed like a good turn-around point. It turned out to be perfect, as it made for a 17-mile ride in just over an hour.
In the absence of making me a "nice dessert" as I'd suggested for the day - since I'm the only one of us capable of actually, you know, planning ("in advance" being redundant) - the mrs. took my fall-back suggestion and picked us up the peach cobbler from City Barbecue to finish the day off. A second shower had me ready for a good night's sleep. My legs and stomach didn't completely cooperate, unfortunately; I was short a full meal on the day, and when my restless, tired limbs awoke me around 12:30 my belly announced its dissatisfaction, too, so I had a quick snack before returning to sleep for the night.
It's clear that she doesn't understand the struggle. I'm not sure she understands how severely damaging my actions were. So I'm glad that our parish doesn't so much honor us on Father's Day as simply pray over us.
After my wracked tears, I dried my eyes and put the finishing touches on getting ready. Once at church, my emotions settled down pretty well, and I was able to enjoy the homily to which I'd only been able to give passing attention the previous evening as I tried to keep our youngest granddaughter from being excessively distracting to our side of the church. When our middle daughter and her husband inquired after the service about getting together, my wife invoked my earlier response to her in dismissing their suggestion, to which I wasn't really averse.
The evening and morning had been dry after a rain-filled Saturday morning and afternoon, so when we got home I checked the status of the yard. It seemed dry enough to allow me to mow, even the back, which'd had me worried. Since I wasn't sure if I'd get another shot at it before more rain rolls into the area, I got right on the chore. It was a hot early afternoon, but the job went smoothly.
After finishing the grass, I saw that my wife had responded to a FB message from our youngest daughter looking for someone to join her and the kids for an early dinner out, asking me if I wanted to do so. I agreed, especially as I knew it wouldn't be too fancy or expensive. Clancy's was the plan, and middle daughter and her husband agreed to join us. The timing was perfect, because I needed to take time to finish up with our evaluation of this month's budget. By the time I emerged from the shower to leave, the youngest had cancelled because the kids needed a nap, so it would be just the four of us. Before we left I made sure to announce my intentions for a bike ride afterward. It wasn't clear that the weather was going to cooperate, but after enjoying a more leisurely meal than we'd planned due to slow delivery of our food - though it was still nice to hang out together - the cloud cover had given way and it was a quite nice late afternoon.
I did have a slight - and welcome - delay before setting out on my ride, and the evening weather was quite nice. Based on a known wash-out in the path to the east, I decided to head toward town. I figured I could get as far as the bridge across the river for a short jaunt north, but I also only intended to be out for an hour. The direction ended up being convenient, as there was a fairly stiff and steady westerly wind, so I worked into it on the way downtown and would have it at my back on the way home. I wasn't watching the time or the distance very closely when I hit a flooded section of the path about a half mile before the switchback for the bridge, it seemed like a good turn-around point. It turned out to be perfect, as it made for a 17-mile ride in just over an hour.
In the absence of making me a "nice dessert" as I'd suggested for the day - since I'm the only one of us capable of actually, you know, planning ("in advance" being redundant) - the mrs. took my fall-back suggestion and picked us up the peach cobbler from City Barbecue to finish the day off. A second shower had me ready for a good night's sleep. My legs and stomach didn't completely cooperate, unfortunately; I was short a full meal on the day, and when my restless, tired limbs awoke me around 12:30 my belly announced its dissatisfaction, too, so I had a quick snack before returning to sleep for the night.
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